Innocence
by NettieC
Summary: When Lizzie is attacked by someone they know and trust, Elliot struggles to cope. Thankfully he has Olivia but that changes when he finds out about Sealview.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

For Hannah, with lots and lots of love, because she asked so nicely...

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

It had been a long day, which was proceeded by an even longer week and as Fin drove the last few blocks to Olivia's apartment he was as glad as she was to see the end of another arduous case. He grinned as he looked over at his temporary partner and found her with her head back and eyes closed, the week taking its toll on her too.

"Hey, Livvy," he called as he pulled into the parking bay across from her building. "Home sweet home." Slowly, almost painfully, Olivia forced open her eyes and tried to focus on him.

"Guess I was tired," she said, with half a chuckle, she'd spent the last ten minutes at the precinct trying to convince him she wasn't the least bit tired, she'd even bet on it.

"Guess it was good I was driving," he grinned, knowing now their next lunch was her shout.

"What time is it anyway?" she yawned, rubbing at her eyes.

"Oh…" Fin looked at the dashboard display. "Nearly midnight."

"At least we get to go home tonight," she said, thinking of Elliot and Lake who had scored an overnight surveillance, something neither of them were impressed by.

"Yeah, we …" Fin began but stopped short when something outside caught his attention. Olivia moved and followed his gaze. She was as surprised as he was to see Elliot's fifteen year old twins huddled on the front steps to her building. Instantly they were both out of the car and across the road.

"Lizzie! Dickie!" Olivia called as she ran to them, her level of concern skyrocketing when she realised they were in their nightwear. Lizzie jumped up and threw herself at Olivia, her arms wrapping around her neck, clinging desperately to her. "Hey, hey," Olivia soothed as her arms encircled the girl, holding her securely as they stood precariously on the edge of the step. "What happened?"

Dickie stood, leaning against the wall, staring at his trainers.

"Dickie?" prompted Fin. "What's going on?" Dickie's only response was to shrug his shoulders and shuffle his feet.

"Okay, guys," Olivia said. "Let's go upstairs and sort this out." She started walking up the steps with Lizzie firmly attached to her. Fin waited for Dickie but when he failed to move he put his arm around the boy's shoulders and followed them in.

After ten minutes of fruitless conversation Olivia was frustrated … neither teen would speak … Lizzie didn't seem capable and Dickie seemed too scared.

"Okay," Olivia finally said. "I need one of you to tell me what's happening or I'm calling your father."

"No!" shouted Lizzie. "Please, Liv, not dad … he'll kill …"

"Who, honey? Who will he kill?" Olivia questioned gently, edging away from her so she could see Dickie too.

"No one," Lizzie tried to backtrack, inching back towards Olivia.

"Dickie…" Olivia called. "Look at me." She waited until the reluctant boy finally looked up at her from the nearby armchair. "Who did what?"

Dickie's eyes darted from Olivia's to Lizzie's and back, he didn't know what course of action would do the less damage.

"Where should you be tonight?" Fin asked, perching himself on the arm of Dickie's chair and finally breaking his self imposed silence.

"At home," Dickie admitted, dropping his head.

"So, does your mother know you're here?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"She's with grandma in Florida, grandad's really sick," Dickie answered, raising his head as he felt Fin's hand rest on his shoulder.

"Who was at home with you then?" Olivia asked. It was followed by a long pause, so she repeated the question. When no one answered she picked up her phone. "Do I need to call?"

"Steve," mumbled Dickie, sinking back into his chair.

"Steve?" Fin questioned.

"Um … mom's … um … boyfriend," he answered, his feet of great interest once more.

Olivia leaned closer to Lizzie on the sofa and wrapped an arm around her.

"What did he do, baby?" she whispered as Lizzie dropped her head onto Olivia's shoulder.

"He … I … It wasn't my fault, honestly, Liv …" she sobbed as she gripped onto Olivia once more.

"I know, honey," she soothed, waiting for a few minutes before raising Lizzie's face up to meet hers. "What did he do?"

"He got into bed with me … tonight …" she whispered, trying to ignore her brother's quiet crying. "He was touching me … saying I was beautiful … asking whether I was like my mom … asked whether … whether I'd had … had sex before or … or if I was a good girl…" she paused as she tried to control her breathing. Her eyes searched out Olivia's, desperate to make the older woman know the truth. "I'm a good girl, Liv … I've never … I'd never … You've got to believe me," she begged.

"I believe you, baby," Olivia soothed, holding her tighter. "I believe you."

During the conversation, Fin's hand had remained on Dickie's shoulder, rubbing it gently as Dickie rested his head on Fin's side.

"Then what happened?" Fin asked him, knowing Lizzie wasn't going to give them much more.

"I heard noises from Liz's room and I thought it was strange…" he began in something akin to a strangled whisper. "Then she started yelling for him to get off and I ran in there and he was …" He stopped to wipe his tears.

"It's okay, son, take your time," Fin said gently. Minutes later Dickie continued.

"He was trying to get on top … on top of … her. He was trying to get her to stop yelling," Dickie explained trying to hold back his sobs, Olivia pulled Lizzie closer still. "Then I jumped on him and pulled him off her and onto the floor and he only had his boxers on and they weren't … on properly … Lizzie was screaming and crying and he was saying it was her fault, that she wanted it. I was hitting him and kicking at him and he was screaming at us … saying how mom would never believe us … and he went into mom's room and I grabbed Liz and we left."

"You did good, son," Fin soothed as Dickie wrapped his arms around Fin's middle and held tight. He had never been as scared in his life as when he had heard his sister's screams … he had done everything in his power to save her, protect her, to bring her to somewhere safe … he was glad to finally let someone else take the responsibility. "You did good," Fin repeated, as he held onto him.

"Liz, baby," Olivia said quietly. "Did he rape you?" She shook her head against Olivia's chest.

"No, he touched me … down there," she whispered quietly, trying to hold onto as much privacy as she could in the circumstances. "And he … he rubbed _it _against my leg … and he took my hand and tried to get me to … to… hold it … said it would be good for me to know what a real man felt like …"

"Real men, don't do that, Liz," Olivia replied in hushed tones, running her fingers across Lizzie's face and drying her tears. "Did he do anything else?" she questioned as gently as possible, trying to decide whether they needed to go on a trip to Mercy and have a rape kit done.

"No … I don't think so," she sobbed, desperately tired; emotionally and physically drained. She closed her eyes and leant into Olivia.

"Okay, honey, that's enough for tonight," Olivia said, realising it was nearly 2:00 AM. "It's time you both got some sleep. There are two beds in the guest room, so let's get you settled."

The twins and Olivia headed to the room and Dickie chose the bed closest to the wall, Lizzie looked hesitant.

"You okay?" Olivia asked, as Lizzie's hand remained anchored on her arm.

"Can I have a shower first please, Liv?" she asked quietly.

"Of course you can, honey. I should have offered," Olivia answered, taking her hand and leading her to the bathroom off her own bedroom. Making sure she had everything she needed she headed to the door. "You call me if you need me, okay?"

With Dickie in bed and Liz in the shower, Olivia went back out to Fin.

"Elliot's going to kill him," was Fin's first comment from the arm of the chair he was still sitting on.

"Yeah, I know," Olivia agreed, leaning back against the wall, feeling more exhausted than she had in a long time.

"We have to tell him," he continued, his stomach clenching at the thought.

"Yeah, I know," she agreed again, nodding slowly.

"How do you want to do this?" he asked, needing something more from her than just agreement.

"With a tranquiliser dart," she sighed, sitting down on the arm of the chair.

"Why don't I call Cragen, get him to approve a swap? I'll go and replace Elliot on surveillance?" Fin offered. Olivia nodded. "Want me to tell him?"

"No," she said slowly. "You tell him out there and god knows what he'll do before he comes here."

"Good point," commented Fin, sighing deeply.

He pulled out his cell to call Cragen as Liz called out for Olivia; she left him to it, not wanting to hear it again.

"What do you need, honey?" she asked, moving into the bedroom. She smiled when she saw Liz dressed in her own pink pyjamas, a few sizes too big.

"Can I…" she started but lost confidence. "Would it be okay…" she stopped completely but her eyes settling on Olivia's bed finished her question.

"You want to stay in here with me?" Olivia prompted and she nodded. "Of course you can, honey."

Olivia moved to the bed and pulled back the covers. "Climb in," she instructed gently. "I'll just go and see Fin out."

"You guys are going to tell dad, aren't you?" she said sadly.

"Yeah, we are, baby," Olivia answered truthfully. "He has to know."

Liz nodded. "Daddy's gonna kill him," she whispered, a tear trickling down her cheek.

"Fin's going to make sure that doesn't happen," Olivia comforted her.

Lizzie smiled sadly; she knew it wouldn't make a difference. "It's going to be okay, Liz," Olivia said, stroking Liz's hair.

"Mom's going to hate me," she whispered.

"How about you get some sleep and we'll worry about your mom and dad tomorrow?" Olivia said, pulling the covers around her tightly. Liz nodded.

When Lizzie's eyes closed and her breathing evened out, Olivia went back out to Fin.

"What's happening?" she asked wearily.

"I'm going to pick up Munch, take him to the surveillance, get Elliot, drive back here and tell him when we're downstairs … Don's going to get Ridley and Markson to pick up the prick and then I'll head to the precinct and start the paperwork," Fin said, fatigue etched across his face.

"So much for getting some sleep tonight," she sighed.

"I'd settled for getting the bastard," he said, zipping up his jacket. Olivia opened the door for him. "Wish me luck," were his departing words.

"Luck," Olivia muttered.

As the clock ticked over to 3:00 AM, Olivia made her way to the guest room to check on Dickie; while he was sleeping he was obviously restless as the quilt was already askew. She moved over to the bed and sat beside him for awhile, he started to mutter and toss and turn so she gently ran her fingers through his hair, his eyes fluttered open.

"It's okay, Dickie," she soothed.

"Dad's gonna kill him … then me," he sighed, more thinking aloud than talking to Olivia.

"Why you?" she asked, still caressing his head.

"Because I couldn't stop him," he whispered. "She's my sister; I'm not supposed to let things like this happen."

"This is not your fault, honey," Olivia said gently. "And your dad is not going to blame you, okay?" Dickie nodded but he didn't really believe her.

When Dickie had fallen back to sleep, Olivia made her way to her own room, silently grabbing her pyjamas she headed to the bathroom and changed. She climbed into her bed behind Liz and rested her head on her pillow. Sadly, she looked at the sleeping teen beside her and wished for the world the events of the last few hours had never happened, for Liz's sake, for Dickie's sake and certainly for Elliot's sake. He had spent his career trying to make the world safer for his own children, only to have his daughter violated in her own home, in her own bed, by someone his ex-wife loved and trusted.

As she contemplated what life would hold for them, Liz rolled over and into her, waking herself up.

"Liv?" she gasped, grabbing onto her top.

"Yeah, baby, it's me," she said gently.

"Don't let him get me," Liz cried as Olivia wrapped an arm around her.

"He'll never hurt you again, Liz, never," Olivia promised, kissing her forehead. It was a promise she knew she could keep. If Elliot didn't get the bastard, she sure as hell would.

Before long Liz drifted off again and despite her eyelids being incredibly heavy and sleep screaming her name, Olivia tried to fight it. Her mind turning to Fin and what he was about to go through.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

_Thanks for the tremendous support in chapter one. I truly appreciate those who have taken the time to leave constructive reviews._

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

The nearly blown globe in the street light, did little to disrupt the darkness of the early hours as Fin pulled his sedan in behind Elliot's and turned off the headlights. Munch climbed out of the car and headed to the driver's door of the other car which was opening as Elliot stepped out. Only a nod was exchanged as Munch slid into the cold car and Elliot headed back to Fin, he and Lake had been told nothing, other than the substitution was being made.

"What's wrong?" Elliot asked, shutting the door and fastening his belt. Fin flicked the headlights on and pulled the car back onto the road. Despite having no traffic to contend with, Fin kept his eyes firmly on the road and headed back towards Olivia's trying to delay things for as long as possible. "For fuck's sake, Fin, what happened?"

"I have orders not to say anything until we're back at Olivia's," he said, his calm, even voice belying the anxiety he was feeling.

"Olivia's?" he said alarmed. "Is she okay? What happened to her?"

"Nothing," Fin replied with a shake of his head, still watching the road ahead.

"Cragen pulls a switch on a covert surveillance at three in the fucking morning, you bring Munch out so you can take me back to Olivia's but say there's nothing wrong and I'm supposed to sit here like a fucking idiot and just go with it?" Elliot spat, his nerves tested.

Fin indicated for his left turn and navigated the corner before speaking. "There was an incident tonight at your house, Elliot, and the twins are with Olivia," he said slowly, hoping it would buy him some time.

"What sort of incident? Fire? Burglary? What?" Elliot's stress levels rose dramatically as he turned in his seat to face Fin.

"None of those," Fin answered, his eyes straight ahead, not even daring to glance at his passenger.

"I spoke to them at eight, when did Olivia go get them?" he questioned, none of it making sense.

"She didn't. We ... ah... we pulled up at her building at midnight and they were there?" Fin explained, busying himself by adjusting the heater.

"By themselves? They went there, at that time, by themselves?" he yelled, his voice ricocheting around the sedan.

Fin picked up speed as he travelled along the quiet streets, they were still twenty minutes from Olivia's and he was about two minutes from the truth. "And where the fuck was Steve in all this? He was supposed to be looking out for them while Kathy was away," Elliot growled, more to himself than Fin. "Did something happen with Steve? Was there an accident?"

Not prepared to let his good friend and colleague suffer anymore, knowing it would kill him to be in the same situation, Fin decided to go ahead.

"El, the kids were really upset," he began, not too sure how he was going to break the news. Then he decided he'd just go with the plain truth. "I'm really sorry, man, but Steve assaulted Lizzie tonight," he said, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

"He ... did ... what?" Elliot asked in disbelief.

"He, um, he got into bed with her and was touching her and stuff," Fin said, not really wanting to elaborate at this stage.

"I'll kill the bastard," Elliot muttered, cracking his knuckles. "He's a fucking dead man."

"I'll get himm, El," Fin said quietly. "You take care of your little girl." It was enough to bring Elliot back to his daughter.

"Did he … did he rape her?" Elliot whispered, afraid to hear the answer but needing to know. His stomach churning at the very prospect it was a possibility.

"She said he didn't, just touching and stuff … she's pretty upset and she just wanted Liv," Fin said, looking across at him for the first time.

Elliot nodded slowly. There had been numerous times in the two years since his divorce when things had gone bad and he wanted nothing more than Olivia, to find comfort and solace in her arms, but he had never been brave enough just to turn up on her doorstep as it seemed his twins had done.

There was a tense silence until Fin pulled the car up in front of Olivia's apartment block and grabbed Elliot's arm as he went to jump out.

"El, hang on," he said pulling him back. "I think the kids were more scared about you finding out than anything else … watch your step," he cautioned. "Okay?" he prompted when Elliot hadn't responded; he nodded. "I'll take care of the bastard, man, you take care of them." He gestured up to Olivia's.

It took him three minutes to race up the stairs to Olivia's apartment, he considered beating the door down but even in his current state he realised it wasn't going to help matters. He willed himself to settle and took a few deep, calming breaths before quietly rapping on the door. When there was no answer he fished out his key ring and found the key to her door, the one he'd held for years in case of an emergency but never had to use.

Letting himself in he scanned the apartment to find no one there. He moved to the guestroom and opened the door, and found his son sleeping restlessly. He moved to the boy and woke him gently.

"Dad!" Dickie gasped, sitting up. "I'm so sorry, I tried to stop him … honestly I did … I hit him and kicked him … I … oh, dad, I'm sorry."

"Hey, son, it's alright," Elliot said embracing him. "It's not your fault; it's not your fault."

"But when you left you said I was man of the house … you said…" he gushed, tears choking his voice.

"It's okay, it's okay," Elliot soothed. "We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?" Dickie nodded through his tears. "Where's your sister?"

"In with Liv," he said quietly.

"Okay," Elliot said, leaning in and kissing his head. "Go to sleep now, son." He told himself he'd stay with Dickie a while longer until he fell back to sleep but the reality was that he waiting for his emotions to settle so he wouldn't burst into tears the moment he saw his baby girl.

Fifteen minutes later he drew a deep breath and headed to Olivia's bedroom. In all the times he had dreamt or fantasised about entering her room in the middle of the night, not once did it involve the trauma of his daughter being attacked. As the door opened Olivia stirred, Liz still held tightly to her. Sleepily she opened her eyes and tried to focus on the form heading towards her.

"El?" she whispered.

"Yeah, it's me, Liv," he whispered in response.

"Come on over," Olivia instructed, holding out her hand. With some trepidation, Elliot moved and stood beside the bed, there was enough ambient light for him to see Lizzie sleeping beside his partner. He stood for a few moments, not too sure what to do next. He knew how to handle his daughters, he knew how to handle victims, but he had no idea what to do when they were one in the same.

Every instinct told him to grab hold of her and hug her endlessly, the same way he'd dealt with scrapped knees, sprained wrists and broken hearts but the cop in him, the one who had dealt with young girls who had been violated, knew his touch may cause more harm. Tears stung his eyes at the very thought his youngest child was in pain and he didn't know what to do for her.

Olivia's hand found his and drew him to the bed. "Come sit," she whispered. "It's okay." He sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes never leaving his daughter's face. Elliot moved his hands so his fingers were laced with Olivia's; he had never needed her more than he did right at this moment.

"How bad?" he whispered, glancing at Olivia.

"She'll be okay, El," she replied, watching Elliot's face and wishing she could do more than just offer words.

"Was she … did he …" Elliot was finding it extremely difficult to ask the questions which were part of his daily working life. "I mean, Fin said she wasn't but I thought maybe he was just saying that because … well, maybe …"

"Liz wasn't raped, El," Olivia said gently. "There was no need for a rape kit."

"Oh, good," he nodded. "Well, not good that he did it but good that …"

"I know what you mean," she said, squeezing his hand.

A few more minutes went by, the silence strained.

"Lizzie," Olivia whispered, moving her hand up to caress her face. "Honey, wake up for me." Slowly she woke up, fighting the fatigue claiming her body and mind.

"Mmmm, Liv," she mumbled.

"Lizzie, your dad's here," she said and the girl's eyes sprung open, her breathing increasing instantly. "It's okay, honey, it's okay."

"He's gonna kill him and me," Liz said, gripping onto Olivia's pyjama top.

"No, he's not, Liz. Your dad's not going to kill anyone. He's right behind you …" Lizzie froze at the thought.

"Lizzie," Elliot finally spoke. "Baby." Her eyes opened wide, still fixed on Olivia, too scared to even breathe. "It's okay, baby," he continued, his tears threatening to spill.

"You're safe, Liz," Olivia reassured her. "I promise you, you're safe." Lizzie nodded.

"You gonna stay here?" she said breathlessly.

"Of course," she promised.

Slowly, Liz turned over and her tears started to fall the moment she saw her father's face. "Daddy," she whimpered, sitting up. With paternal instincts overriding the policeman in him, Elliot embraced his now sobbing daughter and held her tightly, gently rocking her. Her tears seemed to ease but his began, large, silent tears rolling down his cheeks and into his daughter's hair. Olivia sat up in her bed watching the scene. Moving towards the pair she began to gently rub Elliot's back knowing he was doing the best he could not to break completely, his children were his world and she knew this was killing him.Somewhere around 5:00 AM Liz drifted back to sleep still in her father's arms.

Gently Elliot placed her back down into the bed and covered her up. He looked across and saw Olivia sitting there extremely exhausted but resisting the desire for sleep.

"Thank you," he mouthed as she smiled at him wearily.

"What for?" she yawned.

"For this," he said, looking back at his daughter before yawning and scrubbing his hand over his face. He looked back at Olivia, then Lizzie before dropping his head into his hands.

"Hey, El," she whispered, climbing out of bed and moving around to him. "Come out here." She took him by the hand and led him to the sitting room.

Sitting down on the sofa, Olivia kept hold of his hand and gently tugged him to sit beside her. Elliot did but sat hunched, his elbows on his knees and his fingers laced behind his head which was inches from his legs. Gently Olivia rubbed circles on his back and waited until he was ready to talk. It didn't seem to come.

"El," she said quietly, moving closer to him; her hand moving across to his other shoulder, her arm resting on his back. "Talk to me."

It took a while for his to speak but eventually he did.

"She's fifteen, Liv … fifteen. She's still a kid and he … he's supposed to be the 'step father' in her life … I know we deal with this stuff all the time and I know we can never figure out was possesses someone to do such things but he's not some perverted scumbag, he's an educated man … good family … and she's not just some random victim … she's my… my daughter." He stopped to finally look up at Olivia, tears staining his face.

Tenderly she brushed away his tears before leaving her hand on his face.

"She'll be okay, El," she whispered, before leaning in and placing a kiss on his head. Elliot nodded and she pulled him to her, his head resting on her shoulder. "She'll be okay," Olivia soothed, leaning back and bringing him with her. They sat locked together in silence for a long while until Liz screamed.

"Honey, sweetheart," Olivia called running into her room, Elliot close behind. "It's okay, Lizzie." She wrapped her arms around the trembling teen and sat beside her on the bed, holding her close. Elliot sat on the other side of his daughter and put his arms around them both, before kissing her head as Olivia whispered to her.  
"You're okay, baby," she soothed. "It was just a dream, Lizzie, you're safe now." She kissed Liz's head, before raising her hand and wiping her face. "You're okay," she repeated, when Lizzie finally made eye contact with her.

"I'm okay," Liz repeated. "I'm okay."

"Yes, you are, baby," Elliot echoed, kissing her head, she visibly stiffened in response. Elliot went to pull away but Olivia kept him in place.

"You're safe with your daddy, Liz, you know that, don't you?" Olivia asked quietly, brushing her hair back from her face. "He would never hurt you."

"I know," she replied hesitantly.

"He loves you very much," Olivia continued and Lizzie nodded again.

Slowly, Lizzie turned around and came face to face with her father.

"You'd never hurt me, would you, daddy?" she asked almost mournfully.

"Never, baby," Elliot said, unable to keep his tears at bay at the fact his youngest daughter even had to ask him the question.

"And do you … do you still love me?" she sobbed.

"More than ever, Lizzie," he soothed, placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Do you think mom will still love me?" she whispered, almost afraid to ask.

"Yes, honey, of course she will." He pulled her closer and kissed her head again.

"Can you guys sleep here, with me?" she mumbled into her father's chest. Elliot's eyes darted to Olivia's; it was a lot to ask of her.

"Of course," Olivia answered.

While Liz was in the bathroom and Olivia was back in the living room turning off the lights, Elliot removed his shoes, jacket and belt before sitting on the edge of the bed, not to sure how this was going to work. He knew his daughter wanted him nearby but he also knew she wouldn't want him too close, which only meant one thing.

Olivia came back into the room and moved over to him.

"What's up?" she whispered.

"Nothing," he replied, shaking his head.

"Sure?" she asked, using her index finger to raise his chin to make him look at her.

"Yeah, I was just, um … just trying to figure out the … um … sleeping arrangements," he said. Olivia looked from him to the bed. Just as she was about to reply the bathroom door opened and Liz emerged.

"All ready for bed?" she asked Lizzie instead.

"Yeah," she said looking between the bed and the adults nearby. "Um, Liv, do you think it would be okay if … um …" Her voice trailed, she didn't want to ask, not in front of her dad.

"If what, honey?" Olivia prompted.

"Um, nothing, never mind," she said quickly.

Olivia looked between father and daughter and it suddenly made sense. "Okay then," she said as she climbed into the bed. "You two don't mind if I sleep in the middle, do you?" she asked as she rearranged the pillows.

"No," they answered in unison.

Before long, as the time neared 6:00 AM, the trio finally lay settled in the bed, Lizzie was curled into Olivia, Olivia's arms wrapped around her. Elliot lay behind her, facing her. While he lay still and silent, Olivia knew he wasn't asleep. She waited until Liz was asleep before gently extracting herself and turning to face him, not surprised to find his eyes opened.

"Why aren't you asleep?" she whispered, bringing her hand to rest on his upper arm.

"Not tired," he lied, his dark, heavy eyes telling the truth.

"No, you're exhausted," she said, rubbing his arm. "Are you uncomfortable in here? With us? With me?"

"No," he replied quickly. "Well, maybe a little bit."

"Just relax, El," she said, stroking his cheek. "It's just me."

Elliot grinned wryly, that was indeed the problem. As he went to speak Lizzie stirred and Olivia turned back to her. But instead of leaving Elliot alone, she took his hand as she rolled and wrapped it around her waist, pressing back into him just to let him know she was there for him too.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

_Thanks for the tremendous support. I truly appreciate those who have taken the time to leave constructive reviews._

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

With her two companions finally asleep, and longing for sleep herself, Olivia allowed herself to relax in her crowded bed, but her slumber wasn't nearly long enough as Lizzie started muttering.

"Sssh, honey," Olivia soothed, not able to open her eyes just yet.

"I'm sorry, Livvy," Liz whispered, her voice tinged with sadness and guilt.

"For what?" she replied, opening her eyes and trying to focus on the girl in front of her.

"For coming here … I just didn't know where else to go," she whispered, adjusting herself so she was closer to Olivia.

"You did the right thing," Olivia replied, stroking her hair. "I'm always here for you."

"But I made you share your bed … no one should get into your bed if you don't want them to," Liz said, thinking back to the event which started it all.

"That's right, honey, but I want you here. It's the best place for you," she soothed.

"What about dad being here? Is that okay?" Liz asked. "I know I didn't give you much choice."

"That's okay too; I want him here as well," she replied, and it was the truth. She wanted him as close as possible, not just to comfort him and for him to comfort Lizzie, but to ensure he didn't knock Steve Rowland into next week.

Lizzie paused and thought for a moment. "Um, Liv… you and dad … does he … has he … you know, been in your bed before?"

"No, Liz, he hasn't. This is the first time," Olivia answered, though in her dreams he had made a regular appearance and been wearing much less.

"Why?" Lizzie asked absently. "Sorry," she quickly apologised. "It's just that dad loves you and …"

"Lizzie, he cares about me very much but it's not love," Olivia corrected, her self preservation tactics in place.

"But it is, Liv," Lizzie insisted. "I heard him tell Uncle Joe."

"What?" Olivia breathed out.

"At Christmas, when we were at Uncle Joe and Auntie Margaret's house, dad and Uncle Joe were talking in the living room. Uncle Joe was asking if dad had someone new in his life and dad said no. He asked why and dad said it was complicated and that while there was someone it wasn't going to happen. Uncle Joe said did that mean he was finally going to admit he had a thing for you. Dad said no and Uncle Joe called him an idiot, said he was an ass for not acting on his feelings and he should get himself together. Dad said it wasn't that easy. Uncle Joe said nothing ventured, nothing gained and dad said if he tried and it didn't work he'd lose everything in one hit. When Uncle Joe asked what he meant he said he'd lose both his partner and the woman he loved and when Uncle Joe asked whether they were one in the same, he said yes," Liz explained quietly.

Although Olivia was stunned the cop in her kicked in. "Why were you listening to their conversation?" she asked, her brain in overdrive.

"Caleb and I were sitting on the floor playing Monopoly in the study, which is the next room, I didn't mean to eavesdrop it just happened," Liz whispered. "I shouldn't have told you, should I?"

"It's okay, Liz," Olivia said, trying to come to terms with the news.

"You won't tell dad, will you?" she pleaded in a whisper.

"No, I wont," Olivia promised faithfully. She was more than willing to keep the secret until she sorted out what it meant for her, for them.

When Liz had drifted off once more, Olivia slowly rolled over to be face to face with Elliot prepared to watch him for a while but her heart nearly stopped when he opened his eyes. It was clearly evident by the look on his face, even in the soft light of the early morning, that he had heard his daughter. Olivia stared at him for a long time, not sure of what to say. Her eyes danced with his, when she finally found her voice and went to speak, Elliot gently pressed his finger against her lips and shook his head.

"It's all true," he whispered. "In case you were wondering. But I never meant for you to find out this way … Actually, I never meant for you to find out, period."

Olivia took hold of his hand before kissing his finger. "Ditto," she said, as she pulled his hand away. His brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what she meant. It finally registered.

"You mean you love me too?" he whispered, praying he'd understood correctly. She nodded. "You can say it," he prompted, a wry smile on his face.

"You first," she whispered, needing to hear it from his own lips before she'd even believe it was possible he loved her too.

"I'm in love with you, Olivia," he confessed, pulling her closer to him.

"I'm in love with you, El, very much," she replied, brushing her lips against his, before hugging him the best she could given their positions.

Snuggled into her partner, Olivia inhaled deeply, a strong desire for sleep overwhelming her. She felt his lips press against her head as her arm wrapped around his body holding him securely, she ignored the fleeting thought that this may all be a dream and she'd wake up embarrassed.

Her moments of bliss were interrupted only minutes later by Elliot's ringing cell; it was already eight. She moved with him as he leant back to pick it up from the side table.

"Stabler," he groaned. The conversation was very one-sided and as he concluded the call, Olivia knew he'd be climbing out of bed.

"What's up?" she asked as he rolled back, still holding her firmly.

"Fin was just letting me know that he needs the twins to go in and give their statements and thought it would be best if you came in too," he sighed, looking older than she'd ever seen him.

"What's Steve had to say for himself?" Olivia asked, raking her fingers through his hair, knowing this would put more grey strands through it.

"Confessed," he said. "But apparently he also said a couple of 'additional' things which concerned Fin. He wouldn't say what though."

"What do you think it is?" she asked, turning to follow his gaze as he focused on Lizzie.

"Do you think she told you everything?" he asked, as Olivia turned in his arms to face the youngest Stabler.

"Yes, everything about last night," Olivia said. "You think there's more?"

"God, I hope not," he mumbled into her neck. Not prepared to even contemplate his daughter had been through more than she'd already admitted to.

"Hey, baby," Olivia said, gently running her fingers through Lizzie's tangled blonde locks. "Time to wake up, honey." Lizzie muttered but didn't wake.

"Lizzie, sweetheart," Elliot called slightly louder. "Gotta get up."

Lizzie stirred and stretched as her eyes slowly opened, she smiled sleepily before being fully aware of the two sets of eyes watching her intently.

"Morning," she said, her eyes flitting from her father's face to Olivia's.

"Morning, sweetie," Olivia smiled, her fingers still resting in Lizzie's hair.

"Hey, baby," replied Elliot, reaching to stroke her arm.

"What's up?" she asked, taking in her father's expression.

"Fin called, we've got to go into the precinct, baby," Elliot said gently.

"Why?" she asked, her eyes widening with fear.

"So you can make a statement," Olivia said. "They arrested Steve a few hours ago."

"I don't want to see him. I won't have to see him, will I?" Lizzie gasped, pulling on Olivia's top.

"Of course not, honey," Olivia said, holding her close.

"Good," muttered Liz, as Elliot reached across and stroked her hair.

"Liz," Olivia started. "Look at me, honey." Lizzie looked up at her. "I want you to do something for me, okay?" Lizzie nodded. "I want you to promise me that whatever I ask you, you'll tell me the truth, no matter what it is, okay?" Lizzie paused, it was a promise she didn't want to make. "Lizzie, promise me," Olivia repeated. Nervously she nodded, her eyes darting to her father's face. Olivia gently drew her face back to hers.

"Now, honey, you told me about last night and Steve coming into your room. Did you tell me everything?" Olivia asked gently. Lizzie nodded, her eyes filling with tears as she bit down on her bottom lip to stop it trembling. Olivia felt Elliot's chin press into her shoulder, his breath blowing sharply on her skin as he tried to remain calm. "Okay," Olivia conceded. "Did Steve ever do anything else, not just last night but at anytime?" Lizzie's eyes darted to her father once more before her eyes came back to Olivia's, slowly she nodded and Elliot's grip on Olivia tightened.

"What did he do?" Olivia asked, as she brought her hand to rest on Elliot's which was splayed on her stomach, she squeezed it. Lizzie moved closer to them and spoke only to Olivia.

"There have been a couple of other times he's sort of done stuff," she confessed in a whisper.

"Tell me," Olivia whispered back.

"Um, touching me as he went by me," she admitted shyly.

"What did he touch?" Olivia prompted.

"Usually my butt … you know, pat it as he went by, or pinch it, once it was my breast though," she said, embarrassed by the whole situation.

"What did you say to him?" Olivia continued.

"Um, nothing, I'd just look at him and he'd say it was an accident," she replied.

"What else did he do?" Elliot finally asked, trying to sound more cop and less dad. Lizzie's eyes stayed fixed on Olivia.

"Last week he … um … he came into the bathroom when I was … ah … getting out of the shower and I screamed. He said he didn't mean it but he still stood there and looked at me really weirdly. It kinda freaked me out." She shuddered at the memory.

"Did you tell mom?" Elliot asked, his voice steady but his heart racing.

"He told her but said it was all a mistake and mom just apologised for him," Liz explained.

"Anything else you need to tell us before we go in?" Olivia asked. Lizzie leant in and whispered to Olivia so Elliot couldn't hear at all.

"Okay, honey," she said caressing her cheek before Lizzie climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

"What did she say?" Elliot asked as the door shut. Olivia rolled over in his arms.

"He kissed her, tongue and all," she said and watched his face contort in a mix of revulsion and hatred.

"He's a dead man, Liv, I'm gonna fucking kill him! I swear to god he's a dead man!" he spat, trying to pull away and get up. Olivia tugged his arm and he came back to her.

"That's not going to help anyone, especially your daughter, is it?" she said gently.

"It'll make me feel better," he grumbled.

"Only slightly," she said, kissing his hand. "Your turn to promise me something, El…"

"What?" he asked, knowing where she was going.

"Promise me you won't do anything Stabler-like," she said, as she pulled him to her.

He sighed deeply. "Promise me!" she insisted, "Things will be a whole lot worse for Lizzie if her father is charged with grievous bodily harm, or worse."

As irate as he was, he could see Olivia's point. He knew he'd jeopardise everything if he touched the man but he also knew the fury burning in him had to find an exit. "I promise, Liv," he said reluctantly.

"Good." She kissed him briefly before letting him go and climbing out of bed to face whatever the day would bring.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

_Thanks for the tremendous support. I truly appreciate those who have taken the time to leave constructive reviews._

**I wasn't going to post this today as I find when I post Saturday morning my time, many people don't read it. However, it's Grand Final day here in Australia for our brand of football and my team, the mighty Hawks are playing. So, as you'd guess, I am in a very good mood. I also don't know my chances of updating in the days after the game, I'll either be celebrating or commiserating.**

**So please read and review and cheer for the Hawthorn Hawks and if all goes well I may post the next chapter quickly (as it is the second half of the same scene).**

**love Nettie**

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

16th Precinct

Olivia had arrived at the precinct long before Elliot and the twins. He had taken them home first to shower and dress and she was going into the precinct to check out Steve's statement before Elliot got anywhere near the 1-6. Making her way into the squad room, Olivia couldn't help but smile when she saw Fin at his desk, his arms folded on the desk and his head resting on them, finally getting some much needed rest.

"Hey, Liv," nodded Don coming from his office. "Elliot with you?" he asked as he scanned the room.

"No, he'll be here soon. What's happening with Rowland?" she asked.

"Still in the cells. Casey will be here shortly," Don informed her. "How's Lizzie doing?"

"Okay, given the circumstances," she said, dropping her jacket on her chair.

"How's Elliot?" he asked, his brow deeply furrowed.

"Ready to kill the son-of-a-bitch," Olivia sighed, looking wearily at her boss.

"I'm surprised he wasn't here hours ago, thought I'd have to handcuff him to my desk to stop him killing Rowland," Don said, leaning against the door jamb.

"So did I, but his daughter wanted him and that won out," she said, propping herself on Elliot's desk.

Fin groaned and stretched before realising Olivia was there. "All hell hasn't broken loose so I take it El's not with you," he groaned, trying to work out a kink in his neck.

"Should be here soon," Olivia said, looking towards the elevator.

"How are the kids this morning?" Fin asked, rolling his head from side to side.

"Okay. Lizzie gave us a few extra details this morning," she said.

"Hope it matches the statement, for Rowland's sake, otherwise I'll be more than willing to help him remember," Fin growled, passing the file across. Olivia sat in Elliot's chair, hoping it would somehow bring her comfort as she read; it didn't.

As she took in Steven Rowland's account of matters her eyes welled up, there was nothing in it she didn't know, and she was thankful there were no additional surprises, but his cold, callous references to the fifteen year old girl she loved chilled her. His concluding statement that 'the little slut led him on' ended all rational thought.

Quickly she got up, threw the file back on Fin's desk and headed to the cells, Fin following close behind her.

"Open it," she yelled at the uniform officer who scurried to obey.

The metal door swung open and Olivia stalked in. Steve scrambled to his feet.

"Look Olivia," he began but was quickly silenced with a right cross which landed soundly on his jaw sending him reeling into the wall, his head bouncing off the wall. Before he could stand and protect himself Olivia did it again, this time drawing blood from his lip which split on contact. She hit him a third time bruising his eye and causing Steve to groan in pain, before Fin grabbed her arm and stopped her, leaving Steve cowering in the corner.

"Looks like you've done enough damage, girl," he said, pulling her away.

"Nowhere near enough what he deserves," spat Olivia, struggling against him; every fibre in her being desperate to inflict pain and misery on the scum in front of her.

"Fuck him, Liv, I'm talking about you. Look at your hand," he replied, pulling her towards the door.

Olivia looked down and saw her deeply split knuckle and the blood spilling from it. "Shit, I didn't even feel it," she muttered as she looked at the gaping wound.

"Think you'll need to get it looked at," he said, covering it with his own hand.

Munch had taken Olivia to the nearby medical clinic before Elliot arrived. As Lizzie and Dickie waited nervously in Don's office, Elliot was briefed on everything but Olivia's altercation with Steve Rowland in the interview room doorway. Uniformed officers brought Rowland from the cells and pushed him into interrogation room two, Elliot went into the next room with Fin and studied Steve through the one way mirror.

"Looks like he had an accident," Elliot remarked, a smirk crossing his lips as he took in the swollen and bruised face in front of him.

"Yeah, just a slight one …" Fin agreed, a satisfied look on his face.

"Thanks, man," Elliot said, patting his shoulder. "I promised Liv I wouldn't do anything 'Stabler-like'. I think causing such damage would be considered 'Stabler-like', don't you?"

Fin chuckled. "Maybe you should have made Liv promise the same thing."

"What do you mean?" he asked, turning to face him. Fin held the back of his hands up to Elliot.

"It wasn't me," he said. "But you might be interested to know your partner is at the clinic having her hand looked at."

"What? Liv did this?" he asked stunned.

"Yep."

Elliot looked back through the glass at the man whom he once trusted and at the injuries inflicted by the woman he loved. "Is Liv okay?"

"I think she felt a hell of a lot better once she did it," Fin remarked, folding his arms across his chest.

Elliot smiled, knowing she'd done it out of love for him and his daughter and because he'd promised not too.

"What are you smiling about?" Fin asked surprised.

"Nothing," he replied sobering. "You ready to take Liz's statement?"

"Yeah."

Walking back into the bullpen, Elliot grabbed Fin's arm and stopped him before they got to Cragen's door.

"Fin, wait," he called, before drawing a deep breath. Of all the detectives he knew, and knowing in the circumstances it couldn't be himself or Olivia, he was glad it was Fin talking to his children. However, the idea anyone had to talk to them officially, that his twins were the victim and witness in a case for their squad had his stomach knotting and mind swirling. Fin understood.

"El, man, I'll do it as gently as I can … and I'll get what we need," he said in hushed tones.

"And you'll…" Elliot began.

"And I'll catch you up on it later," Fin finished for him.

"Thanks," he muttered, opening the door.

Elliot moved into the office and rested one hand on his son's shoulder while kissing his daughter's head.

"Honey, Fin is going to take your statement now, just in the interview room next door," Elliot explained. "Is that okay?"

"Can't Liv do it?" she asked, her eyes darting to Fin before settling on her dad.

"No, baby, she can't," he said quietly.

"Can she at least come in with me?" Liz asked quietly.

"Liv's not here at the moment," Don interrupted.

"Can we wait?" Liz asked in fervent hope. She really didn't want to be in a small space with any man telling him such intimate things.

"We can wait," Don nodded and Lizzie smiled.

"What about you, son?" Don asked, turning his attention to Dickie. "Are you right to go now or would you like to wait for Liv too?"

"No, it's okay, I'll talk to Fin," Dickie said, getting to his feet. "Will you be there, dad?"

"Do you want me in there?" Elliot asked. Dickie's face said more than his voice ever could and all three men in the office knew it.

It was Don who came to Dickie's rescue.

"Look, I think it may be best for Fin and Dickie to talk man-to-man, Elliot," he said, looking at his detective. "Besides, I need to speak to you on another matter. Is that okay with you, son?" he asked, turning his attention to the teen.

Dickie nodded quickly. "Yes, sir." Although his father had told him repeatedly he was not at fault, his guilt was overwhelming and he didn't want his father to hear just how much he'd let his sister down.

Moving past his sister, Dickie went to pass his father before Elliot stopped him in a half hug. Leaning in, he whispered to his son, "I'm very proud of you, son," before kissing his head. Dickie stood a bit taller as he left the room.

Tempted to watch the whole proceedings through the one way mirror but not wanting Liz to hear it, he resisted, taking Liz out to sit at his own desk.

"Dad, where's Liv? She said she'd be here," Lizzie said sitting in Olivia's chair.

"She had to go somewhere with Munch," Elliot explained.

"But she said she'd be here," she protested quietly.

"I know, honey, but it couldn't be helped," he said, gathering the files on his desk.

Lizzie leant forward, resting her elbows on the desk, her hands sitting on the desk, clasped. "Dad, does mom know yet?" Elliot shook his head. "Who's going to tell her?"

"Do you want to tell her?" he asked quietly, his posture reflecting hers. She quickly shook her head. "Then I'll do it, baby."

Lizzie folded her arms on the desk and rested her head, it wasn't yet 10:00 AM and she was already exhausted.

"Do you want to lie down in the cribs?" he asked.

"No, dad, I want to stay right here," she said without moving. Elliot just smiled and went back to the pretence of working as he studied his daughter and felt himself age ten years. His baby girl was sitting at his partner's desk, exhausted, scared, scarred and there was little he could do to help. Sleep deprived himself he let his mind wander to the thousands of victims he had worked with over his near twenty years on the job. He couldn't protect any of them from the trauma which had befallen them; he couldn't save them from the torment or the nightmares which usually followed. He'd lost so many to the dark abyss of death and destruction and there was never anything he could have done differently to save them … from the perverts … from themselves.

He shook his head to try and dislodge the overwhelming thoughts which were threatening to engulf him. Here he was; an experienced sex crimes detective, who, by his own reckoning, had never made a damned bit of difference. How the hell was he supposed to deal with his two children; one who only wanted his partner and the other who didn't want anyone?

It was his boss' hand on his shoulder which brought him back to reality.

"El," he said, nodding towards his office. Elliot got up and took one last look at his daughter before heading in. Don didn't say anything but pointed through the window into the interview room. Elliot looked in to find his son with his head in his hands sobbing.

"Think you should go in," he said, patting Elliot's back and he did.

Knocking on the interview room door as a matter of habit, he didn't wait for an answer before entering. Fin took one look at him and smiled before leaving. Elliot squatted beside his son's chair.

"Dickie," he said rubbing his back. "It's okay, son."

"No it's not," he mumbled, his head resting on his father's shoulder. "I never should have let it happen."

"You're not responsible, Dickie. This is not your fault," Elliot said firmly as he drew his son's face up to meet his. "Not your fault."

"It is … I could have stopped it," he protested, swiping at his eyes.

"When?" Elliot questioned.

"A couple of weeks ago Liz said he was giving her the creeps … I should have done something or said something then," he choked.

"Was there a reason you didn't?" he asked, trying his best not to be accusatory.

"She'd been complaining about everything and I was busy with school and football and stuff and so I ignored it," he admitted. "But dad," he continued, grabbing onto Elliot's arm. "If I knew … If I thought he would do this … that he'd touch her … I swear I'd have stopped it."

In a gesture that completely surprised Dickie, Elliot grabbed him in a strong embrace and held him firmly. "You listen to me, Dickie," he all but growled. "The only person at fault is Steve … Steve … I don't blame you, Lizzie doesn't blame you …"

"But dad," Dickie implored, gripping his father tightly. "He touched her… he was on top of her … he was going to … to …" He couldn't get the words out, couldn't even contemplate that his sister was going to be raped in her own bed and by someone they knew and trusted. And instantly Elliot realised the issue. It wasn't just the events which had happened it was what could have happened. While he had protected his children from the daily horrors and explicit details of his job, they were intelligent and astute and even as a fifteen year old, Dickie knew the darkness which often consumed his father's life and never, ever, wanted the same fate for his twin sister.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

_**Thanks for the tremendous support and because you were all so wonderful reading and reviewing quickly, and because my beautiful boys (the underdogs in the game) won, and because I will be out celebrating tomorrow ... here's the next chapter!**_

We're a happy team at Hawthorn  
We're the mighty fighting Hawks  
We love our club and we play to win  
Riding the bumps with a grin at Hawthorn  
Come what May you'll find us striving  
Team work is the thing that counts  
One for all and all for one  
Is the way we play at Hawthorn  
We are the mighty fighting Hawks

**Go Hawks!! Premiers 2008!!**

**love Nettie**

**PS. If I posted too quickly and you didn't get a chance to read and review chapter 4 first, please do so.**

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

It was ten minutes later Fin came back in, ready to wrap up proceedings. He pulled Elliot to the door.

"You may want to take a few minutes and check in with your partner?" he whispered.

"Where is she?" Elliot replied, his eyes still fixed on his son.

"I sent her up to the cribs. Liz is still asleep at Liv's desk, and I thought you'd like to talk to her first," Fin told him.

"Is Liv okay?" Elliot asked, glancing at his colleague.

"Yeah, she's good," Fin smiled, patting his shoulder.

Dickie turned around to the men who were standing at the door speaking in hushed tones. "It's alright, dad, go see Liv."

With another hug and a couple more reassuring words for Dickie, Elliot left and, after checking on Liz, ran up the stairs to the cribs. He opened the door to find Olivia sitting on the nearest bed, her back to the door. Caught up in inspecting her now bandaged hand she didn't react to his arrival.

"Hey, Liv," he called, moving over to her. Unsure as to whether he could touch her, should touch her.

"Hey," she said, standing to kiss his cheek, more comfortable in expressing her feelings than he was at this point.

"How's the hand?" he asked, holding it gently in his and studying it.

"Five stitches, a shot and a follow up appointment," she reeled off, staring at her hand.

"Hurt much?" he asked, his blue eyes locking onto her deep brown ones.

"Yeah, lots, but definitely worth it." She smiled as he raised her hand and kissed it twice.

Elliot stepped into her, his body brushing against hers, his face inches away. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Well," she said. "You promised you wouldn't and the bastard deserved it."

"Yeah, he did," Elliot replied. "Anything I can do for you?"

"You can kiss it better again," she whispered. Again he lifted her hand and tenderly kissed the white gauze bandage twice.

"What's with the two kisses?" she asked, lifting his face up.

"Two thank you's - One from me and one from Lizzie," he whispered. Olivia leant in and kissed him gently on the lips twice. "What were they for?" he asked.

"One because you love me … and the other because I love you."

Elliot pulled her to him, making sure her hand wasn't trapped between them, and wrapped his arms around her. While he wanted nothing more than to stay in this position forever, he knew the inevitable had to be dealt with and that Olivia had to do it.

"Lizzie wants you to go in with her, Liv," he whispered, his lips an inch from her ear. "That okay?"

"Yeah," she mumbled into his shoulder. "You spoken to Kathy?" she asked, wearily raising her face to meet his tired eyes.

"Not yet," he replied, "I'll do it when it's all official – only want to have to do it once."

"You okay?" Olivia asked, her bandaged hand caressing his face.

Slowly he shook his head, he was far from okay. "We get Liz and Dickie through this right now and then you let me get you through it, okay?" He sighed deeply and nodded. Right now the only thing he wanted was Olivia; he loved her, trusted her implicitly and, as his brain was awash with emotions he couldn't even name, he was going to trust her judgement and follow her lead.

"Let's go," she whispered before kissing his cheek. Despite the overwhelming urge to keep hold Olivia and never let her go, Elliot resisted and allowed her to walk out ahead of him and down to the bullpen.

Lizzie was still asleep when they returned downstairs, Dickie was slumped in Elliot's chair, his eyes closed and Fin was standing in Cragen's doorway talking to Casey. When Casey spotted Elliot she left Fin and moved to him.

"I'm so sorry, El. I'll do everything I can," she whispered, as they stood a foot away from Lizzie.

"Appreciate it, Case," he replied, watching as Olivia moved to his daughter.

Gently, Olivia placed her injured hand on Lizzie's shoulder as she leant down.

"Lizzie, honey, wake up," she softly instructed. "Hey," she smiled as Lizzie's eyes fluttered open to meet her own.

"Where did you go?" she yawned as she sat up and stretched.

"Had a little accident," Olivia said, holding up her hand as evidence.

"What happened?" Liz asked, studying the hand.

"Lizzie, you ready to come and talk to me now?" Fin asked, sparing Olivia any explanation.

Liz turned and grabbed Olivia's good hand. "Will you come with me…please?"

"Sure, baby," she said, holding her hand as she stood up.

Elliot went to say something as Lizzie followed Fin into the interview room but could think of nothing. He had found the words he needed for his son but when it came to his daughter his brain was drawing a huge blank. As they reached the door, Olivia whispered something to her and she dropped Olivia's hand and moved to her father.

"Love you, dad," she muttered as she hugged him briefly. Elliot kissed the top of her head.

"Love you too, baby."

It was the longest forty three minutes of Elliot Stabler's life as his youngest daughter sat in the next room and told the most difficult story of her life to his colleague. Once he went into Don's office and saw the tears streaming down Lizzie's face as she clutched Olivia's hand tightly and moved to be almost sitting on her lap. It was all he could take. He stormed out and straight to the interrogation room.

Flinging open the door, Elliot rushed in, grabbing Steve by his sweater and ramming him up against the wall, gaining a sick pleasure when his head bounced off the concrete and he groaned in pain.

"Right now, I am fighting every urge not to fucking kill you because that's what you deserve you perverted son-of-a-bitch," he growled, thrusting his hands deeper into Steve's chest.

"Look, Elliot…" Steve choked out.

"Don't …" Elliot hissed in response. "I'm not going to let you get away with this by doing anything now but believe me you'll get what's coming to you …" Elliot forcefully shoved him back into the chair. "If I see you within 100 feet of anyone I remotely know I'll shoot your goddamned dick off, got that?" he spat. Rowland's lawyer appeared at the door and Elliot stalked out before he said or did anything which would see the asshole walk away a free man.

Seeing the bullpen all but deserted, save for his son still asleep at his desk, Elliot went to the roof top, desperate to calm down before he saw his daughter again, and definitely before he called his ex-wife. He stood at the edge and planted his hands firmly on his hips and tried to breathe deeply; it wasn't helping. A hundred thoughts clouded his head as to how he would deal with Kathy, he wanted to yell and scream and blame her a thousand different ways for letting Steve Rowland into her life, and into the lives of his kids, but he knew she'd never have done it intentionally.

He tried to breathe deeply as he thought of his daughter in the room below him and what she had been through, but his breath caught in his throat and suddenly he felt he was suffocating. Bending down, he dropped his hands to his knees and gasped trying to force oxygen into his lungs, each effort a trial. He rode the wave of nausea as bile rose into his throat and he did his best not to gag.

"It's okay, man," Fin's voice soothed, as his hand rested on Elliot's back. "It's okay, just relax." Elliot tried but his chest felt constricted and his head was spinning. "Your girl did good, El." Elliot nodded and emitted a strangled groan; he'd never felt as ill in his life. He felt Fin guide him backwards to a crate and sat him on it. "Look, man," Fin said and continued to give him the details of Liz's statement. To Elliot's relief there was nothing in it he didn't already know.

Twenty minutes later, after Elliot had pulled himself together the best he could, they headed back downstairs to find three of the people he loved most at his desk.

"We're ready to go, El," said Olivia as he approached them. "Thought we might do brunch before getting some sleep," she said looking from him to Liz.

"Sounds like a plan," he said, forcing a smile, though food wasn't high on his priority list at the moment.

"Mom know yet?" Dickie asked, glancing at his sister.

"I'll do it after we eat," Elliot replied knowing he couldn't put it off forever. "Now, let's get out of here."

It was midday before Olivia unlocked her apartment door and let her three Stabler guests in. "I'm not tired," Lizzie said as she dropped onto the sofa.

"Me either," added Dickie.

"Well, I am," said Elliot yawning.

"And so am I," Olivia agreed, her brain and body screaming for some uninterrupted slumber.

"You guys go to bed and we'll watch TV," Dickie suggested, grabbing the remote control.

"You can if you want to," Olivia said, leaning against the wall. "But if you want to watch anything decent the one in my room has cable."

"Then where will you sleep?" Liz asked, looking at Olivia.

"In there," she answered, pointing to the guest room.

When the twins were settled on Olivia's bed, Elliot grabbed his cell and sat on the sofa. Flipping it opened he scrolled down the numbers until he got to Kathy's then he slammed it shut, before repeating the process twice.

"Do you want me to do it?" Olivia offered, standing in front of him.

"No, no, it's okay, I should do it," he replied. "I can do it," he amended.

"I'll be in there when you're done," Olivia said, raking her fingers through his hair as he sat hunched over. Elliot grunted and grabbed her hand as she went to move away. His eyes sought hers, hoping they'd bring him the strength he was lacking at this point in time.

"This is the easy part, El," she whispered. Elliot looked at her confused. "You've done the hardest part, being here for your daughter... and your son." He nodded; he never wanted to go through it again.

Flipping open his phone once more, he found Kathy's number and pressed call. "Hi Kathy, how's Florida?" Olivia kissed his head and disappeared into the guest room. She had fallen asleep when Elliot came into the room and slid into the bed beside her.

Being careful of her hand, Elliot nestled himself into her, smiling sadly when her eyes fluttered open.

"You okay?" she asked, noting his reddened, watery eyes. He nodded. "Kathy?" He shook his head. "If I promise to talk this through with you after, will you sleep with me right now?" she yawned, unable to fight fatigue any longer. He nodded and kissed her head. It was the best offer he'd had in years. Olivia reached up and brushed two kisses across his lips before sighing before falling back asleep.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

_**There was a glitch with Chapter 5 and many people didn't get the alert. If you didn't read it you'll have to read it (and review - hint, hint!) first otherwise you'll miss the whole rest of the precinct scene and the return to Olivia's apartment.**_

_**Thought it was worth singing it again. I'm sure you won't mind.**_

We're a happy team at Hawthorn  
We're the mighty fighting Hawks  
We love our club and we play to win  
Riding the bumps with a grin at Hawthorn  
Come what may you'll find us striving  
Team work is the thing that counts  
One for all and all for one  
Is the way we play at Hawthorn  
We are the mighty fighting Hawks

**Go Hawks!! Premiers 2008!!**

**love Nettie**

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

The afternoon disappeared and it was nearly six before Olivia opened her eyes and realised neither she nor Elliot had moved in the whole time. Her arm was still around his waist, her fingers anchored into his belt loop, securing him to her in the single bed, her injured hand lay resting on the pillow beside her face, one of his arms was wrapped around her, holding her close, the other's fingers loosely gripped the wrist of the injured hand, ensuring it wouldn't move or be knocked.

Olivia blinked a few times before smiling at the realisation that Elliot being in bed with her was for real and not just one of her fantasies. Slowly, she extracted her hand from behind him and brought it up to his face, tenderly tracing the lines on his face, knowing this latest ordeal would add a few more.

"Mmmm," he murmured as her fingertips gently caressed his cheek, she grinned. "Livia," he moaned.

"Hey El," she whispered and smiled at his surprised look as the reality of her presence sunk in. She reached up and kissed his cheek.

"You really here, Liv?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Yeah, babe, I'm here …" she soothed.

"Good," he mumbled, moving to kiss her forehead. "I'm so glad you're not a dream this time." The words were out before he could stop himself and he closed his eyes to hide the embarrassment.

"I'm glad you're not a dream this time either," Olivia replied, earning a smirk from him as his eyes opened.

Elliot rolled onto his back and stretched wearily, groaning as his joints cracked. Olivia rolled with him before draping herself across his chest, maintaining eye contact the whole time.

"So, what did Kathy have to say?" she asked. Elliot struggled to sit up, pulling her with him and settling Olivia so she was snuggled into his side, her injured hand resting on his chest, over his heart.

"Kathy was … um … very upset," he began, pulling her a little closer. "At first there was a lot of yelling…"

"At you?" Olivia interrupted, looking up at him to find his eyes fixed on the far wall.

"Um, yeah," he nodded. "Tried to say I was making it up, Steve would never do such a thing, I was jealous…"

"Bitch," muttered Olivia.

Elliot grinned and kissed her head. "I think she was in shock … she kept arguing the point and so I just told her straight… told her how upset the twins were and what the bastard actually did and then all she did was cry."

Although she'd never consider herself a fan of Kathy's she felt for the woman and the pain she must be going through.

"Then her mother came on the phone and asked me why I was making her cry, again, and I said that Liz had been assaulted and then she started crying," Elliot explained, tears filling his eyes once more.

"When's she coming home?" Olivia asked, rubbing his chest.

"Her dad is really bad, suffered another heart attack last night; makes three in the last week. It doesn't look good for him," Elliot sighed, knowing his ex-wife was caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place; come home to her traumatised daughter or stay with her dying father.

"Why don't you take the twins to Florida?" Olivia suggested. "Don will give you leave. You can be there this time tomorrow."

"I don't know, Liv," Elliot sighed. "Not sure what Liz will think. She's so scared about Kathy's reaction, and then there's the whole travelling with just me."

"She's not afraid of you, El," Olivia consoled, placing a kiss on his chest.

"Yeah, I know," he acknowledged. "But I just want to hold her and make it all go away and I can't. And I'm second guessing everything I do and say because I don't want her to misconstrue anything." He dropped his head back into the pillow and closed his eyes. "This is all so fucked up."

"Well, Elliot, I'm on leave until I can actually use this," Olivia said, raising her hand. "So what if I was to come with you. We could get a hotel room, either with the kids or they could stay with Kathy, if they want."

"You'd do that?" Elliot asked, using his fingers to draw her face up to his.

"In a heartbeat," she replied, kissing him.

"Thank you," he mumbled into her mouth.

Anything further was interrupted by a hesitant knock on the door.

"Come in," Elliot called and Lizzie reluctantly appeared. "Come in, honey." Liz made her way over to the bed and sat by Elliot's feet.

"Um, Dickie's hungry and we can't … um … really find anything in the kitchen, Liv," she said.

"Well, we'll go out and eat," Elliot suggested. "Where would you like to go?"

"I'm not really hungry," she replied, dropping her head.

"You didn't eat much this morning, Lizzie," he said gently.

"Yeah, I know … I just don't feel like it," she replied looking up at Olivia.

"But, Liz…" Elliot started and tears welled in her eyes.

"El," Olivia interrupted. "Why don't you and Dickie go out, get some fresh air, and bring something back for dinner, Liz might be hungry then. Right, Liz?" Lizzie nodded, more in relief than agreement.

Elliot looked at Olivia, he trusted her judgement and so he quickly kissed her forehead and climbed out of bed.

"Any preferences?" he asked as he put his jacket on, Lizzie just shrugged.

"Surprise us," Olivia said, throwing her legs over the edge of the bed before shuffling up to sit next to Liz. He moved closer to Olivia to kiss her again but stopped himself, so instead Olivia kissed him. He looked at his daughter, wondering what he should do.

"You can kiss me too, dad," Liz said bravely but flinched as his lips pressed onto her forehead. Elliot visibly deflated as he backed away from them both and headed out to find his son.

Upon hearing the apartment door close, Olivia put her arm around Lizzie and led her out to the living room, sitting her on the sofa. She reappeared five minutes later with two cups of tea and sat handed one to Lizzie, before sitting on the other end of the sofa.

"What is this?" Lizzie asked after taking a small sip.

"Peppermint tea. It will help your stomach," Olivia replied, as she sipped her own.

"I'm not sure if it's my stomach that's the problem," she said quietly.

"I know you feel out of sorts at the moment, honey, but you can't stop eating," she said gently.

"I'm sorry, Liv, I just don't feel hungry," Liz protested weakly.

"I know," she soothed.

"Liv…" she hesitated.

"What, honey?" Olivia asked, setting down her cup.

"It's alright, never mind," she said, putting her cup down too.

"Liz," she prompted, "What is it?"

"Last night you said you and dad weren't … well, that there wasn't anything between you…" she paused. "But today it seems if there is."

"Well, there is … now," Olivia grinned. "You know how you told me your dad was in love with me?" Lizzie nodded. "He was awake … and when I rolled over he told me for himself."

"He said he loved you?" Lizzie's eyes widened. Olivia nodded. "And did you say you loved him too?"

"I did," she replied.

"Good."

Silence settled over them once more and while Olivia knew there was something more Lizzie wanted to say, she wasn't going to rush her. It came almost ten minutes later when both cups sat empty on the table. Olivia watched as Lizzie drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly, it was a position she knew all too well. She rested her forehead on her knees before slowly turning her head around to face Olivia.

"Livvy," she whispered. "If Dickie hadn't come in … he was going to have sex with me … wasn't he?" Olivia bit down on her bottom lip and nodded slowly. "Which would mean he would have raped me?" she asked in barely a whisper. Olivia nodded again. "And I wouldn't have been a virgin anymore."

Olivia shifted across the sofa until she was alongside Liz. Raising her hand, she gently wiped away the tears from the girl's face. "He was big, Liv … down there … and it was so hard … I mean I know it has to be like that to have sex but if just felt horrible and when he was brushing it against my leg and I remembered what they told us at school about how easy it is to get pregnant and …" she paused as she tried to figure out the best words to use. She drew a deep breath and tried again. "Liv, is there any chance I could be pregnant?" she asked before the tears spilt down her cheeks once more.

"Oh, honey," Olivia soothed, pulling her closer. "I know what you've told me … and what you told Fin … and if that's the whole truth then no, Lizzie, you can't be pregnant."

"Even if he touched himself and then me? There couldn't have been anything on his hand that got in, could there?" she all but pleaded.

"Do you want me to take you to the doctor, sweetheart?" Olivia asked, raking her fingers through Lizzie's hair. "We can go right now."

"No, I don't want to go … but I don't want to be pregnant either. I don't want to have a baby … not now … not with him … not this way…" she choked out.

"I know," she whispered, slowing stroking the girl's head.

"Could you imagine how screwed up it would be like to have a child like that … every time you looked at it you'd remember what happened … I couldn't do that … I just couldn't live like that," she sobbed, her head coming to rest on Olivia's shoulder.

"I know, I know," Olivia soothed, her heart breaking at the thought this was what her mother must have endured after her rape.

"And … and … and can you imagine being that kid?" Lizzie continued, caught up in her own world of confusion and sorrow. "Imagine knowing you're only here because your dad raped your mom … that you weren't wanted … that … that… your dad was a rapist … I mean, how could you live with yourself? … You'd wanna kill yourself … I wouldn't want that for anyone … especially not a child of mine … It's just so sick."

Lizzie looked up to find Olivia in tears, and an intense sadness in her eyes that she'd never seen before, not in Olivia, not in anyone she knew.

"Liv?" she asked, sitting up to wrap her arms around her. "Liv, what's wrong?" Olivia shook her head; even if she could talk, it wasn't something she wanted to discuss with a fifteen year old who had just been assaulted. "I'm so sorry, Livvy," Liz sobbed, blaming herself for Olivia's state.

"It's not you, baby," she managed to reply as she shook her head, trying not to make this about her. "It's not your fault," she whispered before a sob broke through.

The key was in the door and it was open before it registered with Olivia, quickly she jumped up and hurried to her bedroom, but not before Elliot had seen her. He looked towards his daughter and saw the same red, wet, blotchy face; he went to her first.

"What happened, baby?" he asked, gathering her in his arms, relieved she didn't resist.

"I don't know, daddy," she replied. "We were talking and when I looked up Livvy was really, really upset."

"What were you talking about?" he asked, drying her face. Lizzie hesitated and a frown creased her brow. "It's okay," he conceded, knowing there would be many conversations his daughter wouldn't feel comfortable in having with him. "You don't have to tell me."

She hugged him tighter before letting him go. "I'm okay, dad … please go check on Livvy?"

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**It looks like the site has finally got its act together and all the alerts and reviews have come through - so we're back in business.**

**I am really blown away by the response to this story and it has encouraged me to write an epilogue for it. While I'm not sure how many more chapters there will be before it, there are about 15000 words left.**

**To all those who have been with me for a while and support all my work, a BIG thank you. **

**To all those new to reviewing my work, I appreciate you coming on board.**

**Go Hawks!! Premiers 2008!!**

**love Nettie**

**Happy 21st Birthday, Laura (MrsLee)**

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

**From the last chapter**

The key was in the door and it was open before it registered with Olivia, quickly she jumped up and hurried to her bedroom, but not before Elliot had seen her. He looked towards his daughter and saw the same red, wet, blotchy face; he went to her first.

"What happened, baby?" he asked, gathering her in his arms, relieved she didn't resist.

"I don't know, daddy," she replied. "We were talking and when I looked up Livvy was really, really upset."

"What were you talking about?" he asked, drying her face. Lizzie hesitated and a frown creased her brow. "It's okay," he conceded, knowing there would be many conversations his daughter wouldn't feel comfortable in having with him. "You don't have to tell me."

She hugged him tighter before letting him go. "I'm okay, dad … please go check on Livvy?"

**Chapter 7**

Elliot kissed his daughter's head before making his way to Olivia's bedroom, knocking quickly he wasn't surprised when he got no response.

"Liv? Olivia?" he called as he opened the door and entered her room. He spied her instantly sitting on the floor on the opposite side of her bed, her knees drawn up and a pillow stuffed between them and her face, trying to smother her cries.

"Livvy," he soothed, dropping down and wrapping her up in his arms. He pulled her to him and settled her in his lap, gently pulling away the pillow. "What happened, baby?" he whispered, kissing her head and rubbing her arm. "Please talk to me," he begged, his eyes welling instantly at the raw pain he saw on her face.

Olivia had gone past the talking stage and just clung to him, the fabric of his shirt curled tightly in her fingers, Lizzie's words having summed everything up:

_"Imagine what it would be like to have a child like that … every time you looked at it you'd remember that night … I couldn't do that … I just couldn't live like that."_

A child like that … it …couldn't live like that…

That was her mother's life, that's what drove her to drink, and made her abusive and hateful to the 'it' she'd given birth to.

It was hard enough to hear her mother's perspective from Lizzie's mouth but when she had continued on about the life of the child her resolve had shattered.

_"Imagine knowing you're only here because your dad raped your mom … that you weren't wanted … that … that… your dad was a rapist … I mean, how could you live with yourself … you'd wanna kill yourself … I wouldn't want that for anyone … and especially not a child of mine … It's just so sick."_

Olivia didn't have to imagine that part, not now, not ever, she lived it daily. It was a life she wouldn't wish on anyone. It was a life she felt was cheapened by the manner of its creation and a life she didn't want but had no choice in.

She clung tighter to Elliot, of all the people in her life he was the one she trusted above and beyond anybody, even herself some days. She trusted him implicitly and that was the only reason she had finally allowed herself to fall apart in his arms. In the background she could hear something which resembled him talking but it was lost in the sounds of her own sobs.

Eventually exhausted Olivia relaxed her grip on Elliot and slumped into his body. She could feel his hands on her, his lips on her and finally she started to breathe. Her short sharp sobs gave way to deeper breaths and the increase in oxygen stopped her head from spinning.

"You're okay, you're okay." Elliot's words finally filtered through the haze.

"I'm okay," she breathlessly agreed. "I'm okay."

"That's it, baby," he soothed. "Just breathe, just breathe."

When her breathing became easier and evened out, Olivia rolled her head back slowly and looked at him, smiling sadly at the intense look on his face. "I'm okay," she whispered.

"I know, I know," he replied, kissing her nose. He paused for a few moments, as he readjusted them, so she was tightly cradled in his arms. "What happened, Livvy?" He didn't want to push but he had to know what had caused it all. She sighed deeply.

"Lizzie was scared about being pregnant…" she began.

"But he didn't rape her, did he?" Elliot bristled.

"No, no… she's just young and unsure … and I tried to explain it to her," Olivia sighed again. "Even said I'd take her to the doctor if she wanted," she said before pausing.

"Then what happened?" Elliot asked, knowing she was struggling to find the words.

"Um …" She thought about not telling him, about not letting him hear his daughter's words, but in the end she figured he'd find out anyway. "Liz said 'Imagine what it would be like to have a child like that … every time you looked at it you'd remember what happened … I couldn't do that … I just couldn't live like that,' and all I …all I could…" The words disappeared on her tongue as her tears fell once more.

"And all you could think of was your mom and what she would have been thinking?" he asked, caressing her cheek. She nodded, unsure if words were possible. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, kissing her forehead before wiping away her tears. "So sorry."

"So am I," she muttered, holding onto him tighter. "She must have been so scared…"

"Your mom?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, and Liz … at least mom was older but Lizzie's still a baby … she shouldn't even have to think about being made pregnant from that asshole," she sighed against his chest.

The quiet conversation was interrupted by Lizzie at the door.

"Livvy, can I come in, please?" she asked shyly.

"Sure, honey," Olivia replied moving from Elliot's lap and sitting back on the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Liv … I didn't mean to upset you like that," Lizzie said, coming to kneel in front of her.

"It's okay, Liz …" she said, reaching over to take her hand.

"I just don't understand … why did it upset you so much, Liv?" she whispered.

"Lizzie," Elliot intervened. "I don't think now is the right time…"

"It's okay, El," she interrupted. "Come sit here," she said to Liz, patting the space between herself and Elliot. When Liz was settled, Elliot stretched his arm across to rest his hand on Olivia's shoulder, and held his daughter's hand with the other one.

"Lizzie," Olivia began slowly. "There's something you don't know about me and, given the circumstances, I think you should…"

Lizzie turned to look at her father quickly before looking back at Olivia. "Okay."

"My mother was raped … and that rape resulted in … me," she whispered.

Lizzie gasped and without words to express her sorrow at Olivia's origins or at the comments she had uttered herself, she flung herself at Olivia, muttering 'sorry' over and over again.

Before Olivia or Elliot could calm Lizzie down, Dickie appeared at the door.

"Um, Liv," he hesitated, unsure of what to do in the situation. "Um, Captain Cragen's on the phone for you."

"Okay, Lizzie," Olivia soothed. "I've got to take this call, honey." It was a lie, there was no urgency in speaking to Don, it could have waited, but she needed to short-circuit this emotional scene before she broke again. "Go to your dad, honey," she encouraged, extracting herself. Elliot took hold of his daughter as Olivia stood up.

"It's okay, Lizzie, really, it's okay," she whispered, bending to kiss her head.

With the door shut behind Olivia, Elliot tried to placate his daughter who was still sobbing and gulping her breaths.

"Calm down, Lizzie," Elliot softly instructed. "Please, baby girl."

"But … but … you don't know what I did, dad," she sobbed into his chest.

"You weren't to know Liv's mom was raped, honey," he soothed.

"No, but … I shouldn't have said what I did …" she exclaimed.

"You only said what you felt, Liv's not mad at you," Elliot explained, rubbing her back. "She's upset because she was thinking of her mom when you were talking to her… and what she would have gone through."

"But that's not all I said … did she tell you the rest?" Liz asked, wiping her eyes. Elliot shook his head. "I … I … I basically said imagine you weren't wanted and had to grow up knowing about it … and your dad being a rapist …that you'd probably wanna kill yourself rather than live with it."

Elliot sighed deeply, before shaking his head. "Liv will be fine, Lizzie," he soothed, kissing her head. "She's lived with this a long time now and usually she's pretty good about it."

"But you didn't see how sad she was, daddy," Liz explained, grabbing onto his shirt. "I've never seen anything like it … she just seemed, I don't know, broken … and I did it."

"Oh no, baby, no. You didn't do it, you didn't break Olivia, it wasn't your fault," he whispered, tears stinging his eyes.

Lizzie sighed deeply, she could hear her father but she just wasn't in any state to believe him.

"Dad," Dickie interrupted. "Is it true, about Liv's mom?"

"Yeah, it is," Elliot said, holding his daughter close.

"Man, that sucks," he mumbled as the door reopened and Olivia stood there.

"How about some dinner now?" she asked, her face washed and her hair pulled back. There was no response. "Come on, honey," she said to Lizzie, holding out her hand. "Come and eat with me."

Lizzie scrambled to get up and wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist as she led her out to the sitting room.

"Love you, Liz," she whispered as she kissed the teen's head.

"Love you too, Liv," she replied tearfully.

Elliot stood at the door with Dickie for a few moments.

"Are they gonna be alright?" he asked his dad.

"Yeah," Elliot sighed, knowing they would be but not trusting it wouldn't be anytime soon.

"Anything we can do?" he asked.

"Just love them a lot," Elliot replied, wrapping his arm around his son's shoulders.

"Do you love Liv, dad? Really love her?" Dickie asked.

"Yes, son, I do," he said.

"About time."

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**Go Hawks!! Premiers 2008!!**

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

By the time the twins were bedded down for the night, Olivia had packed her bag for their trip to Florida and they had all made their way to Elliot's for the night. Exhausted, Lizzie had fallen asleep quickly, choosing to sleep in her usual bed even though they had offered her the master bedroom and Olivia as a sleeping companion; they took it as a good sign. Dickie slept in the bed next to his sister, the one Kathleen usually used. He had asked Liz twice if it was alright, then checked with Olivia before running it past his dad, just to be sure. He wasn't sure how to help his twin, he wasn't sure what to say, he only knew he couldn't bear for her to be out of his sight at the moment.

Now, a little after one, and having been asleep for the best part of an hour, Olivia rolled over onto Elliot's side of the bed only to find it was empty. She sat up and listened intently, hoping to figure out his whereabouts. A faint repeating thud could be heard and Olivia clambered out of bed before making her way downstairs.

Going down a second set of stairs, Olivia stood silently at the bottom of the steps in the basement and watched as Elliot, dressed only in his navy silk boxers, bench pressed weights, a sheen of sweat making his skin glisten even in the ambient lighting. The intense effort showed on his face and Olivia knew this had little to do with his fitness regime and everything to do with his youngest daughter and the surrounding events which had shattered him.

The barbell clunked back into its resting place before Elliot grabbed the towel and wiped his face. He was oblivious to Olivia's presence and she couldn't find the right words to let him know she was there for him, so she just watched. Groaning as he got up, Elliot moved to the punching bag and began inflicting short, sharp blows on the red sack. Each jab a little harder, each blow reflected in his face as he tried to work out the pain and frustration he was experiencing.

Although putting on a brave face when he was around his family and Olivia, he wasn't coping and he knew it. His stomach had been in a perpetual knot since Fin picked him up from the surveillance and it wasn't improving with time. He punched a little harder, trying to rid himself of his aggression and tension. He needed this release, he could feel his pain bubbling just below the surface and he knew that if he didn't work through it the only way he knew how – with physical aggression, then he ran the risk of losing it completely in front of the others and that was the last thing he needed.

With each blow, Elliot's breathing quickened and his head started to swirl.

He would do anything and everything for his children, anything to have them safe and sound … he had sacrificed so much of his life and himself to work Special Victims, all the while telling himself it was so his children could sleep safe in their beds.

And it turned out to be a lie.

His years of devotion to his job hadn't protected his own daughter, hadn't kept her safe in her own house, in her own bed.

Elliot had prided himself on being a good father, despite his job and the hours he kept. He loved his children more than life itself and thought they loved him in return. But when push came to shove, and at the scariest moment in the twins' fifteen years, they had run to someone else … and while it was Olivia they turned to, and he couldn't fault them for that, it killed him they never came to him …

Never came to him…

He pounded the bag harder.

The thought got stuck in Elliot's head and echoed loudly … never came to him.

He'd spent a huge part of his career dealing with special victims and the witnesses to such crimes and was well respected in the department for his dedication and closure rate. For all the kudos it afforded him with his colleagues, it obviously amounted to fuck all in the eyes of his kids because they never came to him.

And that pained him almost as much as the assault itself.

He started punching harder, each one accompanied by a guttural moan; a mixture of effort, fatigue and gut-wrenching pain.

What was his life worth if everything he had ever worked for was pointless? What sort of cop couldn't even help his own children? What sort of father was he when his own kids chose someone else? What sort of man was he when he amounted to nothing?

He was useless and worthless, just as his own father had told him all those years ago.

Olivia watched as Elliot's punching became more ragged and she knew he'd lost control, his face was contorted and tears were now mingling with the sweat on his face. Not able to let him go on any longer she quickly moved from the stairwell.

"El, Elliot?" she called as she crossed the room. "Elliot, Stop!" Lost in his own swirling world of misery, Elliot didn't respond. She moved around to the other side of the bag, wanting him to see her and not to startle to her touch.

"El, babe, please stop," she pleaded as she grabbed the swinging bag and pulled it from his reach.

It was this action which caught his attention and for the first time he realised he wasn't alone.

Standing in the middle of the room, Elliot dropped his bare, swollen hands to his side and stood there motionless trying to catch his breath and control his emotions before he spoke. Olivia dropped the bag and slowly edged towards him, trying to get a read on him, it wasn't easy.

By the time she was within touching distance, his hands were covering his face as he fell to his knees. Olivia knelt down in front of him, her fingers circling his wrists as best she could, and tugging gently.

"Baby," she whispered. "Hey!" When his arms became rigid and unmoveable, she drew herself to him and placed her hands on the side of his head, before kissing his forehead.

"I love you, Elliot," she soothed, before pressing her lips to his skin once more.

When this elicited no response, Olivia wounds her arms around his neck and pulled Elliot to her and just held him close, gently rocking as they knelt entwined among the gym equipment, washer and dryer and the still full storage boxes.

It was a long while before Elliot took his hands away from his face and wrapped them around Olivia, holding her and swaying with her.

"Love you, El," she whispered, now she knew he was back with her.

"Love you too, Livia," he mumbled as he kissed her neck.

"Love you, El," she repeated. Elliot pulled back slightly.

"You just said that, baby," he whispered.

"Just making sure you heard me," she replied, brushing her hand over his cheek.

A small smile played on his lips but didn't respond.

"You want to tell me about all this?" she asked, raking her fingers through his hair.

He shook his head … he wasn't ready to talk about this yet … wasn't ready to acknowledge his shortcomings as both a father and a cop and he really wasn't ready hear from anyone, especially Olivia, that he was right.

"Okay," she soothed, her hands resting behind his neck. "How about you come up and have a shower then come to bed?"

When Elliot nodded, she took his hand and led him back up to his bedroom in silence.

Olivia lay in bed alone listening to the steady drumming of the shower and contemplating what she could do to help Elliot get through this most recent trauma. She knew it was more than the actual assault; it was something about the way he looked, the way he sounded, that worried her.

She knew forcing the issue wouldn't get her anywhere, and although she loved him and had spent years dreaming of what it would be like to be under him or on top on him, she knew it wasn't going to help this situation either and, even if it would, she didn't feel she could do it, not yet, not after her own recent experiences.

Time dragged on and Olivia became aware of the fact that Elliot had no intention of joining her while she was awake. The water was off and she could hear bursts of activity in the bathroom which resembled cleaning, followed by periods of stillness, then footfalls heading towards the bedroom door before pausing and retreating, only to have the cycle repeat.

Closing her eyes, she focused on keeping her breaths shallow and regular, adding in a few breathless sighs for effect. Trying to convince Elliot she was sleeping almost induced Olivia's slumber but before sleep claimed her, she heard his footsteps approach the door once more, this time they moved into the room. She felt the bed dip as he climbed in and lay flat on his back. Without opening her eyes, Olivia repositioned herself so her head was on his chest and her arm rested across his body.

"Love you," she murmured, before kissing his chest.

"Love you too," he replied and she felt his lips press down on her head.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

**I realise this story is very emotional with little relief. When I wrote it, I actually stopped and completed two one shots, Ice (which is already up) and Daddy for some light relief. I was going to keep Daddy to post it after this story, however, if people are longing to read something fluffy that see El and Liv very 'HAPPY', let me know after you review.**

**love Nettie**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**You'll notice the chapters coming up vary a lot in length. It's because I write a story in a solid block then split it up as the storyline dictates. I'm sure you won't mind.**

**Please also check out Daddy, I posted it yesterday. You'll have to go through my portfolio as it's rated M and won't come up on the L&O:SVU story page.**

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

The next time Olivia opened her eyes, the bedroom was lighter and she was still in the same position; she also knew Elliot was still awake. Propping herself up on one elbow, she raised her bandaged hand to caress his cheek.

"Did you get much sleep?" she asked, as her fingers ran into his hair.

"Yeah," he replied, closing his eyes.

"It doesn't look like it," she whispered as her finger brushed over the dark circle under his right eye.

"I'm okay," he mumbled, rolling to his side and propping himself up to face her, his free hand roaming over her hip and to her back.

"You know you can talk…" she began but stopped when he started shaking his head.

"Please don't," he interrupted, really not in the mood to go back into the darkness of the night before. "I know you're here … I know you'll listen …I'm just not…"

"Okay," she conceded, moving closer so her lips brushed his. "Whenever you're ready."

Elliot nodded gratefully before relaxing into her kiss.

Several long, leisurely kisses were exchanged before the doorbell rang and startled them both.

"Who the hell would be here at this hour?" Elliot grumbled, looking at the clock. "It's not even seven." He swung his legs out of bed before grabbing his robe from the chair. When Olivia went to do the same he stopped her. "No, stay here, Liv, I'll get it."

As he descended the stairs, Olivia moved to the landing and watched as he checked through the peephole before mumbling something and opening the door wide. There stood Maureen and Kathleen, tired and dishevelled, but pleased to be looking at their dad.

"Girls, what on earth!" he exclaimed, opening his arms and hugging them both at the same time. "You're supposed to be in Augusta with my mother."

"We were," replied Maureen. "But we spoke to mom yesterday and she told us about Lizzie and we just had to see her …"

"So, we convinced Grams to lend us her car, left Maine about eleven last night and here we are," sighed Kathleen, letting go of Elliot and moving into the house. Olivia went back to bed and left him to talk to his eldest daughters, hoping it would help him work through his issues.

When the bedroom door finally opened, Olivia was drifting in and out of sleep.

"Baby … El," she mumbled as a figure approached the bed.

"Livvy, it's me," Lizzie said, and Olivia's eyes sprung open.

"Hey kiddo," she yawned. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she trailed pointing to Elliot's side of the bed. "Can I…"

"Sure," Olivia replied, pulling back the covers.

"Where's dad?" she asked, snuggling down next to Olivia.

"Downstairs, talking," she replied, brushing Liz's hair from her face.

"Really? Who'd be here at this time?" Liz asked, pulling the covers around her.

"Your sisters," Olivia smiled, kissing her head.

"But they're …" she started.

"They came back to see you," she interrupted.

"Oh," she sighed, not sure if she was ready to see her big sisters, to talk to them. It was one thing to deal with the events with Olivia but she wasn't sure about actually talking to anyone else; her sisters and mother included. Instinctively, she edged towards Olivia, knowing she was safe with her, knowing nothing else bad would happen while she was there with her.

Olivia wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly. "It will all be okay," she soothed. "It's not going to be easy but it will be okay." Liz nodded and hugged Olivia back.

"One step at a time, right, Liv?" she asked, looking up at her.

"That's right, honey, one step at a time."

They heard movement in the hallway outside and knew Elliot and the girls were headed to Lizzie's bedroom.

"El," Olivia called out as he passed by. He opened the door and smiled when he saw his two girls curled up together again.

"Hey," he said coming into them. "Mo and Kat are here, they came to see you, baby," he said, stroking Lizzie's hair. "You want to see them?"

Lizzie's eyes darted to Olivia's. "No, not really, dad, but I will," she replied, looking back at him.

"You sure?" he asked, not wanting her to do anything she wasn't ready for.

"Aha, one step at a time, right, Liv?" she asked again.

"That's right, baby," Olivia smiled.

Lizzie hugged Olivia and climbed out of bed, stopping to hug Elliot as she passed by.

"You guys will be right here, yeah?" she checked as she got to the door.

"Yes, baby girl," Elliot reassured her.

Elliot listened as his youngest daughter encountered her sisters in the hallway. He heard the sobs and the comforting words coming from the older girls, before the sounds faded as his daughters retreated downstairs and to the living room. He turned around to find Olivia on her back, her eyes closed but with tears sliding down her cheeks and onto the pillow.

"Hey Livia," he soothed, climbing back into bed beside her. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head and felt his thumb brushing away her tears. He waited a few moments before he asked again.

"I'm alright," she replied, wiping her eyes and sitting up. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise," he said, moving into the middle of the bed before pulling her to him. "You going to tell me?"

"Just being silly," she replied, one hand holding onto his robe tightly. It was silly, to her, that after nearly a lifetime of being an only child that, at this moment, she longed for a sister, some one to be there for her, to understand what she'd been through.

"I'm sure you're not," he soothed.

"How are the girls?" she asked, changing topics. She wasn't ready to tell him… she wondered if she ever would.

Elliot pulled back and studied her. He wanted answers and he really wanted them now, but as he was finding it very difficult to talk to her about his deepest feelings, he couldn't fault her for not talking to him about hers either.

"They're pretty upset," he replied, his fingers raking through her hair. "They feel bad they didn't come home when Kathy had to go to Florida, that they weren't there for Liz, that she has to go through any of this."

"Aha," Olivia mumbled into his chest.

"They're also very grateful you were there for her, and happy that you're here now, and extremely impressed you hit him," he reported, kissing her head. "And in case I haven't said it, I have to say ditto to all three. I don't know how I'd be doing any of this without you, Livia. Thank you." He kissed her head again.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and held onto him tightly.

"You're welcome," she whispered, kissing his neck. "I'm glad you're letting me."

"I'd be a fool not to," he replied.

They sat entwined in silence a while longer before there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," called Elliot.

"Hi, dad, Liv," Dickie said, scanning the room. "Where's Liz? She's not in the bedroom or the bathroom."

"She's downstairs with Mo and Kat," Elliot reported, studying his son.

"Oh," he said. "Okay." He stood at the door feeling a little uncertain.

"Come over here, Dickie," said Elliot patting the bed beside him. He knew the focus had been on Lizzie since Friday night and he also knew his son was in pain.

Slowly, Dickie made his way and sat down next to Elliot, his head resting beside his dad's on the headboard.

"How are you doing, Dickie?" Olivia asked, reaching across Elliot and taking Dickie's hand in her bandaged one.

"Okay," he mumbled, closing his eyes as he felt the sting of tears behind his eyes.

"You want to talk about it, son?" Elliot asked, wrapping an arm around his son and pulling him closer.

"Nah," he mumbled, not resisting his father's efforts to comfort him.

"Do you want me to go, Dickie, so you can chat to your dad?" Olivia offered but Dickie gripped her hand tighter.

"No, don't go, Liv." It wasn't that he didn't want to talk; he just didn't know what to say. He felt bad; bad for Liz, bad he couldn't stop it, bad he couldn't protect her; he just didn't know how to put any of it into words. He also knew that with Olivia present, he wouldn't have to, not yet anyway.

Elliot kissed Olivia's head, before kissing his son's too. Dickie responded by holding onto his dad tighter and allowing his tears to fall unchecked onto Elliot's chest. No one commented, Elliot just held him closer and Olivia gently brushed his face with her fingers.

They lay together listening to the sounds of the three girls downstairs echo through the house. While nothing specific could be heard, the emotion was obvious and fluctuated between trauma and humour. For the life of him, Elliot couldn't understand what could send his daughters into fits of laughter but he was comforted by the fact they had found something to laugh about. He looked down to find a smile on Olivia's face too.

"What?" he whispered.

"Nothing," she sighed, how she longed for that sisterhood, that sort of comfort.

He shook his head, he wondered if he'd ever understand her, if they would ever let the other break through the walls which had been so carefully built.

About twenty minutes later, Maureen rapped quietly on the door before pushing it open.

"Hey," she said brightly, though her glassy eyes and blotchy face told the true story of her demeanour.

"Hey, sweetie," Elliot said, as she came in to the room.

"Hi Mo," Olivia said as she moved her feet so she could sit by her.

"Hi Liv," she replied, reaching over and hugging her quickly. "How are you doing, Dickie?" she asked, ruffling her brother's hair.

"Fine," he mumbled, his head still nestled against his dad.

"Well," Maureen continued. "There's nothing in the house for breakfast, so we said we'd take Liz out for breakfast. We were hoping you guys would come too. You up for pancakes, Dickie?"

"Yeah," he nodded, scrubbing his hand over his face.

"Good, why don't you go get dressed?" she suggested and he clambered out of the bed and left.

When he'd gone, Maureen turned back to Olivia and Elliot. "What about you guys?" she asked.

"How did it go downstairs?" Elliot countered.

"Okay," Maureen replied. "She's better about it than I expected … and from what she said, I think it's because of you, Liv."

"I didn't do much, Mo," Olivia replied as Maureen took her hand.

"Not what she says," she replied. "I think you've done wonders … and not just with Lizzie." She winked slyly at her father.

"Maureen," he cautioned.

"So, are you two going to join us for breakfast or do you have other things to do?" she asked, ignoring her father's glare.

Olivia wanted nothing more than some alone time with Elliot. Time to actually talk to him before they left for Florida and whatever it would bring, but she also knew not going to breakfast would lead the kids to believe all sorts of things were happening, and they weren't.

"I think breakfast is a good idea," she said. "And it still gives us plenty of time to go back to the house to collect the kids' things before our flight." She looked to Elliot and smiled, she knew he had no desire to go to breakfast either.

"Yeah," he smiled. "Breakfast sounds great. "We'll be down in a few minutes."

"Great!" said Maureen, standing up. "Great."

"Wouldn't you have preferred to stay here with me?" Elliot asked as soon as the door was shut.

"Yes," she sighed.

"So, why did you agree to breakfast?" he asked.

"Because Mo invited me … things are going to be difficult enough for me if we are going to have a relationship … I just thought I'd take the positives while I can." She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

"What do you mean?" he asked, wrapping his arm around her waist and edging himself over to her.

"Can you see me getting any such offer when we're in Florida?" she asked. "Can you see Don being as happy when we tell him?"

"Well, no," Elliot admitted.

"Me either," she said, pulling his hand away from her waist. "Just thought I'd make the most of it while people were happy to see me."

Elliot watched her move to her bag before heading to the bathroom. The realisation suddenly hitting him that Olivia's presence in his life as something more than his partner would change their world dramatically. Yes, it was something he desperately wanted but while all she had to do was let him love her, for him to be a part of her life, he had children, an ex wife, his own family, ex in-laws, all whom would pass judgement and comment about her before she would be able to feel that she could truly love him and be a proper part of his. It wasn't fair.

By the time Olivia emerged from the bathroom, showered and dressed, Elliot was sitting at the end of the bed, tying his shoelaces. She moved past him to put her belongings down on the chair, as she picked up her purse and moved back again he grabbed her hand and pulled her to his lap.

"You know," he began as he nuzzled into her. "I think you are the most amazing person I know." Olivia's head dropped back as his lips teased her neck. "I don't think you'll ever know just how much I want you," he mumbled. "But it's still nowhere near as much as I need you."

Olivia pulled back and studied him. "You need me?" she questioned quietly.

"Yeah, more than I care to admit," he whispered, dropping his head.

"Then why won't you talk to me?" she asked gently, raising his chin with her bandaged hand.

"Because…" he began, his eyes tearing up.

"Because what," she prompted when he failed to continue. "El?"

"Because …" He inhaled deeply and steeled himself, he could do this. "…I'm scared you'll say I'm right," he continued breathlessly.

"Right about what, El?" she asked, her heart breaking at the lost look in his eyes.

"That I'm as worthless and useless as I think I am," he whispered, his head dropping to her shoulder.

"Baby, hey…" she soothed, bringing his face up to meet hers. "I could never think of you as worthless and useless. Whatever made you think I would?" she asked, as her arm moved to cradle his head.

"Everything … this whole…" He released his right hand and gestured wildly, "…mess," he choked out as a sob caught in his throat.

"I don't understand, El," she said, holding him tighter. He didn't speak but Olivia could feel him shudder in her arms. "Take your time, baby." It took a few moments before Elliot began to speak.

"I couldn't help Lizzie … I couldn't stop it happening … she couldn't come to me … I couldn't make it better…" he rambled, Olivia responded by holding him tighter. "It's all been you," he continued, trying not to sound bitter, not really succeeding. "Even Mo said so."

"I'm sorry," she replied, releasing him and trying to move away. "I didn't mean to interfere…"

"No, you didn't interfere … I didn't mean it that way," he said, desperately trying to keep hold of her. "I'm glad she has you, I'm glad I have you … it just … just… hurts."

Quickly, she wrapped herself around him once more. "What hurts, Elliot?" Her face moved with his as her eyes sought his. "Babe?

"Me … being a fraud … my whole career … my whole life has been about the kids and now … when it matters … it amounted to fuck all …" He stopped to drag in a breath and his eyes closed.

After a few moments he continued, his eyes still shut, not wanting to see Olivia looking at him. "They didn't come to me, Liv, they didn't come to me," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion, tears streaming down his face. "Not as a cop and not … not … not as their dad … "

"Oh, baby, baby, sssh, no," Olivia soothed, holding him so tightly she struggled to breathe. "You were on surveillance, they knew they couldn't go to you… they didn't come here because Steve knows where you live … he doesn't know where I live, they thought it'd be safer," she explained quietly, as she tried to wipe away his tears. "And as far as not coming to you as their dad, you know just how humiliated you can feel after being assaulted … you've seen that with our vics, look at how many turn to me and not you. It's just a feeling of being safe, that's all. It's not that the twins don't love and respect you, Lizzie just needed a woman … can you understand that?" she asked, her forehead resting on his head.

He nodded slowly. "Doesn't mean I like it," he mumbled into her shoulder.

"I know … but the fact that Lizzie and Dickie have both come to you since then, both have hugged you and held you and wanted you with them, that says so much, El," she whispered. "They love you so much." He nodded again.

"You guys ready?" yelled Maureen from the stairs.

Olivia pulled away from him momentarily. "We won't all fit in one car, Mo," she yelled back. "You go we'll be right behind you."

"Okay," she called. "We're going to the IHOP on Anderson, okay? Not the one on Washington."

"Okay."

When she heard the door close behind the kids, Olivia turned her attention back to Elliot.

"I want you to listen to me, Elliot Stabler," she said, cradling his face in her hands. "You are an incredible father and your children love you dearly." She leant in and kissed his nose. "And I love you so much," she continued, kissing him again. "And if you weren't such an amazing cop I would have ditched you years ago."

"Love you so much, Livia," he whispered as his lips collided with hers.

"I know you do, babe. You just have to let me in," she replied, tapping her fingers on his head, then on his chest. "Don't shut me out, okay?" He nodded. "Good, now take me to breakfast and feed me." He grinned and she traced his lips with her finger. "This is what I wanted to see."

Pausing at the front door, Elliot embraced Olivia.

"Thank you," he whispered into her ear, before kissing it.

"You're welcome," she whispered in reply. "I'm always here for you."

"And I'm here for you too," he replied, looking deep into her eyes. "Whenever you're ready to talk to me."

Olivia smiled sadly before briefly kissing his lips. "Let's go have breakfast."

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

**School holidays are over and work resumes tomorrow, so updates probably won't come as quickly BUT you'll be happy to know I'm working on an epilogue which I should be able to post as soon as the chapters are done.**

**Don't forget to review - and to check out Daddy.**


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**You'll notice the chapters coming up vary a lot in length. It's because I write a story in a solid block then split it up as the storyline dictates. I'm sure you won't mind.**

**Please also check out Daddy, I posted it yesterday. You'll have to go through my portfolio as it's rated M and won't come up on the L&O:SVU story page.**

**Thanks for all your wonderful reviews, I appreciate them all.**

**Thanks to ShaNini for being the 300th!**

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

In a blur of activity, Olivia, Elliot and the twins had left New York and flown to Orlando. Through a last minute deal, they had secured a room at the Grand Bohemian Hotel and after talking to the kids, had decided on a twin share room, just in case the twins decided to stay with them and not with Kathy at her parents' house.

Not having slept much since Friday, and little in the week before that, Olivia had moved beyond exhaustion to something resembling a zombie. Grabbing a hire car at the airport, Elliot drove to the hotel and checked them in just before five; leaving Olivia there at her insistence … she was in no state to deal with Kathy, not until she'd had some uninterrupted sleep, and maybe a whiskey or three.

Knowing Lizzie would be the one most hesitant about her decision; she took her hand and led her to the balcony.

"Honey, I'm going to stay here while you go and see your mom, okay?" she said gently.

"But why?" she protested.

"Because I need to sleep, Liz, I'm exhausted. And your mom doesn't need me to be there. Do you understand that?" she explained gently.

"Yeah," Liz sighed, "Doesn't mean I like it." Olivia had smile at how much she sounded like her father.

"I know. Will you be alright with your dad and Dickie?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah … I'm alright with them … now…" she said, reassuring herself. "Can I come back here tonight to you or do you want us to stay with mom?"

"That's up to you, honey," Olivia said. "See your mom and decide but know you are more than welcome to come back and I'll definitely be here."

"You sure?" Liz asked. "You don't want some time with dad?"

Olivia smiled. "All I want is for you to be happy and comfortable."

Any further discussion was curtailed when Elliot came onto the balcony.

"Lizzie, we need to go. You ready?" he asked. She slowly nodded and took a few steps towards the doors before running back to Olivia and hugging her tightly.

"One step, right?" she whispered.

"One step, baby," Olivia whispered before kissing her head.

"Let's go, dad," she said, taking a deep breath and steeling herself for whatever lay ahead. Elliot kissed Olivia before heading out with his twins.

By the time Olivia had showered, slipped into her pale pink cotton nightie and slid into bed, she had done nothing but think of Lizzie and how it was all going with Kathy. Realising it wouldn't help her relax enough to sleep, she tried to put it out of her mind, it didn't help and before long she found herself sobbing into the crisp white pillow. She cried out of fatigue, out of pain for Liz, pain for herself, and in the midst of it all, she cried herself to sleep.

Somewhere near midnight she stirred at the sound of the door opening. She blinked several times and focused on the form approaching her, it took no effort to realise Elliot was alone. Watching as he toed off his shoes, and removed his jacket, Olivia remained still, not sure if she was able to talk to him just yet. Disappearing into the bathroom, she couldn't help but smile when he emerged in just his blue cotton boxers and white beater. She watched as he paused between the two queen sized beds in the room, she knew he was trying to decide where he should sleep. To ensure he didn't make the wrong choice, Olivia reached over and pulled back the covers.

"This bed," she whispered and smiled as she watched the grin spread across his face.

Needing no further instruction, Elliot slid into bed and kept moving until he was right beside her, his arms circling her and his lips caressing her head.

"How'd it go?" she asked.

"Well," he began, his voice full of emotion. "On a scale on one to ten, ten being the worst, I'd say it rated a twenty three."

"Oh, that good," she replied, caressing his face.

"Yeah," he said, closing his eyes, willing the memories to fade but they were still too raw. "Kathy … um … did a lot of crying … and yelling…"

"Yelling? At who?" she asked, quickly propping herself up.

"At everyone, at everything, at herself," he said, pulling her back to him.

"How'd Lizzie cope?" she questioned.

"Okay, she wanted to stay with her mom … thought it would be best for Kathy … I told her it was about what was best for her and no one else, but she said she'd stay … she didn't seem convinced but …" his voice trailed.

"But you couldn't make her come back with you," Olivia offered.

"Yeah," he sighed before opening his eyes and gazing at her. "Did you get much sleep?"

"Yeah," she smiled, glancing at the clock. "A few hours."

"Good … I'd love a few hours sleep myself," he said, resting his head on hers.

"Well, how about you snuggle down here with me and I'll make sure you sleep well," Olivia whispered. Elliot wriggled further down into the bed and smiled as Olivia wrapped herself around him, allowing his head to rest upon her breast. He'd never felt more comfortable in his life.

He'd only been asleep minutes before several quick knocks echoed through the room. Olivia eased herself from him and headed to the door. She checked through the peep-hole and smiled when she saw the twins. Quickly she opened the door.

"Hey guys," she greeted in hushed tones before placing her finger on her lips to indicate the need to be quiet.

"Hey Liv," said Dickie, moving into the room and placing their bags near the bathroom.

"I couldn't stay there," Lizzie whispered as she embraced Olivia.

"Why? What changed your mind?" she asked, locking the door behind them.

"It just didn't feel right," she sighed. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course not, baby. Your mom does know you're here though, right?" she checked.

"Yeah, she dropped us off. Don't think she was too happy about it, but she did it," Dickie yawned.

"Okay, we can talk about it tomorrow, time for bed."

Dickie came out of the bathroom in his pyjamas and looked from the bed to the girls and back. A quick scan of the room told him there was no sofa or armchair so it was the bed or nothing… which left the problem of his sister. Lizzie and Olivia followed his eyes around the room and Olivia realised the problem before Lizzie.

"Why don't you sleep with your dad, Dickie, and we can share this bed. Is that alright with you, Liz?" she asked and Lizzie quickly nodded.

They were in bed a long time before Lizzie started to speak, well after the soft snores from the adjacent bed told her that Elliot and Dickie were sound asleep.

"Livvy," she whispered, rolling over to face her.

"Yeah baby," she mumbled.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked. "You don't have to answer, I'll understand if you don't …"

"Ask, honey," Olivia replied, rolling onto her side so she could look at Lizzie.

"You know what Steve did?" she began, Olivia nodded. "Have you ever been in that sort of situation … you know … someone doing something you didn't want them too?" Olivia nodded. "Was it years ago, when you were my age or was it, you know, more recent?"

The silence was deafening as Olivia contemplated her answer, she didn't want to lie, she didn't want to tell the truth, she didn't want to be having this conversation.

"It's okay, Liv, you don't have to tell me," Lizzie said and rolled away from her.

"It was recent … really recent," Olivia whispered. "I was undercover …"

"In Oregon?" Liz asked without turning back.

"No, in Sealview a couple of months ago," she answered, her voice breaking. "One of the guards assaulted me," she admitted, her first public declaration that something had indeed happened.

Lizzie rolled back to her. "Did he rape you, Livvy?" she asked; her eyes wide and full of fear.

"No, baby, Fin came in just in time," she replied trying to brush away her tears but Liz reached over and wiped them for her.

"Are you okay, Livvy?" she whispered, her fingers stroking Olivia's hair.

"Yeah, I am … we both are, honey," she replied.

"Why are men such asses?" Liz sighed, slumping onto the bed right next to Olivia.

"Not all men are. Your dad's not," Olivia corrected, pulling the covers up around them.

"I'm glad I've got him," she nodded. "And I'm glad you've got him too."

Olivia held onto her tightly and kissed her head. "Me too, baby, me too."

Elliot woke in the early hours of the morning. Wrapping his arms around his sleeping companion he quickly realised it was his son and not Olivia. He rolled over towards the other bed and was greeted by Olivia's gentle smile, from over the top of his daughter's head.

"Hey you," she whispered.

"Hey yourself," he grinned. "When did this happen?" He pointed to his daughter.

"Oh, not long after you fell asleep?" she replied.

"She okay?" he asked, as Liz rolled over to face him mumbling.

"Yeah, she just didn't feel right so Kathy brought them back," Olivia explained.

Elliot nodded. "It's gonna take a while, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but she's doing well. It's only been a couple of days," she replied.

"Feels like forever," he sighed, running his hand over his weary features.

"Hang in there, El."

Lizzie suddenly propped herself up in bed and looked at her father.

"What's wrong, daddy?" she asked, studying his forlorn appearance.

"Nothing, baby, I'm just tired," he sighed.

Liz clambered out of bed and sat next to him before leaning down and whispering to him. Elliot shook his head but Lizzie whispered some more before sitting back up, pouting and saying, "Please." Elliot shook his head once more but dragged himself up and swung his legs out. Lizzie slipped into his spot and he moved over and slid in next to Olivia; he grinned at her curious expression as he settled next to her.

"My daughter said you are the best person to sleep with and insisted we switch places," he whispered, burying himself beneath the covers.

"Did she just?" Olivia smiled, her hand running from his chest over his shoulder, his arm and to his back.

"Yeah, she said I just had to try it," he grinned.

"Well," she replied, pulling him closer and threading her leg through his. "Guess you should try it then." She reached in and kissed him tenderly. When Elliot began to kiss her back she pulled away. "That's not going to help you sleep, Elliot. Close your eyes."

Reluctantly he obeyed and held tight to her, before long he'd drifted off into a peaceful and dream filled slumber.

Brunch was in the hotel restaurant and Olivia was starving, having missed dinner the night before, and breakfast. She shifted her chair so she was closer to Elliot and held his hand in her lap as they passed the time chatting until the waiter arrived with the food.

"What are the plans for today?" she finally asked, when silence fell upon the group.

"Um…" Lizzie began. "We said we'd go with mom and grandma to the hospital today."

"And then to dinner with them and Aunty Leanne and Uncle Peter," Dickie added, with a roll of the eyes.

"Really?" Elliot questioned, wondering why Kathy would put the twins in any social situation at this time.

"Yeah," Liz sighed. "They're coming to see grandpa and mom thought it would be a good idea."

"What do you think?" Olivia asked, not wanting to interfere with Kathy's plans but wanting to ensure Lizzie was comfortable with it.

"Don't want to go…" her voice trailed. "But I really didn't want to say no." Her head dropped.

"Why not, honey?" Olivia asked, leaning over to her.

"Well, I've really never liked Uncle Peter and Aunty Leanne can be such a pain … I just don't feel like being around people," she whispered.

"Me either," agreed Dickie.

"Well," Elliot began, before pausing. "What if I come and pick you up from the hospital about five, you'll have seen everyone, spent time with grandpa and then you can have dinner with Liv and me?"

Dickie and Lizzie nodded eagerly, both much happier at the prospect of spending time with Elliot and Olivia than the alternative.

The offer, on Elliot's behalf, was the easy part, telling Kathy was not and he wasn't looking forward to it at all. After brunch, he excused himself from the table and went out to the hotel foyer to call his ex-wife in relative privacy. Olivia watched him through the trellis, although she tried not to she couldn't help herself.

Soon after he returned and slid into his seat next to Olivia.

"Mom's alright about it," he reported. "Said she really hadn't been thinking straight and she's sorry."

Liz nodded. "So, she's not mad."

"No, sweetie, she's not," Elliot confirmed. "But she will be here in about twenty minutes to pick you up so we should get back upstairs and get you guys ready."

Olivia grimaced, she knew she couldn't avoid Kathy forever but she really didn't know what to say to her at the moment, or worse, what Kathy would say to her. She was feeling fragile herself this morning and didn't want to endure any emotional scene, particularly in front of Elliot or the kids.

"You okay?" Elliot asked kissing her hand as they stepped out of the elevator on the ninth floor.

"Yeah," she smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes.

"You tired?" he asked, brushing her hair from her face.

"Yeah," she sighed. Tired was the right word. She was tired; physically, emotionally, mentally.

"Well, when the twins go how about you and I slip between the sheets and just sleep?" he whispered as Dickie opened the room door.

"Sounds good," she replied. "Really good."

True to her word Kathy knocked on the door twenty minutes later. She was still wearing her sunglasses and Olivia knew it was to hide her tears. She drew a deep breath.

"Hi Kathy, come on in," she offered, stepping back from the door.

"Hi Olivia," she said quietly, her voice unsteady. She hesitated before stepping into the room.

"I'm sorry to hear your dad's so ill," Olivia said, the sympathy in her voice genuine.

"Thanks," she mumbled. "Um … Olivia, can we talk?" she whispered. "In private?"

"Right now?" she asked, looking to Elliot who was across the room watching them intently.

"No," replied Kathy. "El said he was picking the kids up from the hospital later this afternoon, maybe you could come with him and he could stay with the kids and we could get coffee in the cafeteria if that's alright with you. If you don't want to I understand, I just…"

Olivia nodded before patting her arm. "It's alright with me, Kathy, coffee will be good."

Elliot waited until the elevator doors closed behind Kathy and the twins before he shut the room door and turned his attention to Olivia.

"What did Kathy want?" he asked directly.

"To talk," she replied, taking a sip of her water.

"About?" he probed, moving towards her.

"She didn't say, but I'll take a wild guess and say Lizzie," Olivia answered, offering him her bottle. Elliot took it and had a drink before passing it back.

"Are you going to … talk to her?" he asked, watching her move towards the bed.

"Yeah, she asked me to come to hospital with you. If it's alright with you, I'll grab some coffee with Kathy and you can be with the kids," she said as she sat on the edge and toed off her shoes.

"Is it alright with you?" he countered, sitting down beside her and taking her hand.

"Well, I'm a bit surprised but it's okay," she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder.

He turned his head slightly and kissed her forehead.

"You're hot, Liv," he said before kissing her again.

"You're pretty hot yourself," she smiled, nestling into him.

"Thanks," Elliot smirked before raising her face to meet his. "But I meant temperature wise." He placed the back of his hand across her brow. "You feeling okay?"

"Really tired and out of sorts. Think I might have a bug," she sighed as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Then into bed with you," he instructed, standing her up with him before pulling back the covers. "Have you got something to take? Tylenol? Anything?"

She shook her head. "Finished them last night."

"Well, I'll go downstairs and grab something for you. You get changed and get into bed," he said, heading to the door.

"Yes sir," she chided, throwing him a mock salute. He grinned and left.

Curled up deep under the covers, Olivia smiled when she heard the door open. She forced herself to sit up; watching as Elliot opened the bottle, took out two pills and moved to her. He handed her the water bottle and sat and waited for her to take them.

"Now, sleep," he instructed gently, holding the covers up so she could settle back in.

"Are you going to join me?" she asked, her eyelids heavy.

"You want me to?" he asked, smoothing her hair down.

"Only if you not afraid of catching whatever this is," she smiled wearily.

"Could never be afraid of you, baby," he grinned. "Just give me a minute to get out of these," he added, tugging on his clothes.

Five minutes later, Elliot slid into bed beside her, smiling gently at her as she sleepily opened her eyes and reached up to hold onto him, not wanting him to be as far away as he had intended. Repositioning herself, Olivia rested her head on his chest and sighed deeply, thinking that life should just be this easy. Just the two of them, no one wanting or demanding anything from them, no crime, no responsibility, both relaxed and horizontal. It was with this last thought she finally drifted off to sleep, ready to float into happy dreams, something far removed from her recent slumber induced nightmares.

For the first few hours both slept soundly but by early afternoon Elliot was awake. He lay there for an hour just content to hold Olivia and listen to her breathing, until he realised he needed to use the bathroom. For a long while he held off, not wanting to disturb her but, eventually, he could wait no longer. Raising Olivia's arm from around his waist, he gently eased himself out from under her and slid out of the bed.

Returning from the bathroom, he picked up the TV remote and found the sports channel and lowered the sound. He looked between Olivia and the spare bed, trying to decide which one would be best. Making up his mind he headed to the empty bed, not wanting to run the risk of waking her.

"Don't even think about it," she mumbled as he was about to sit down. Quickly he looked at her, unsure if she had actually spoken.

"Liv?" he whispered.

"Don't think about being anywhere but here," she muttered as she pulled back the covers and waited for him to come over. Grinning he made his way back to her and sat in the bed. "I'll let you sit up," she agreed, as she grabbed a pillow and rested her head on his thigh. Elliot bent down and kissed her once more, noting she still felt hot and clammy. He was glad they were headed to the hospital, he'd have her checked out whether she wanted to or not.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

_Please also check out Daddy, you'll have to go through my portfolio as it's rated M and won't come up on the L&O:SVU story page._

**Thanks for all your wonderful reviews, I appreciate them all.**

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

It was quarter past five when Elliot slipped his hand into Olivia's as they crossed the road and entered the foyer of St James the Apostle Hospital. Instead of following the signs to the Coronary Care Unit, Elliot headed towards the Emergency Department before Olivia tugged on his hand.

"El, I think it's this way," she said, pointing to the blue and white sign.

"Yeah, I know," he agreed. "But I'm taking you to get checked out. You're still running a temperature and you're just not yourself."

"I'll be fine, Elliot," she protested, pulling back. "I really don't need to see anyone."

Elliot stopped midway along the corridor and pulled her to him. "Humour me, okay?"

Although she was about to protest, she caught the look in his eyes and decided against it. It was a look of love and concern and fear all rolled into one and, given everything he was already going through, she didn't want to make matters worse. She nodded, she'd do anything that would make his life easier right now.

After she'd seen the triage nurse, Elliot left her and went upstairs, on Olivia's instruction and before long Kathy came down.

"Hey, Olivia," Kathy said quietly, sitting in the chair beside her in the waiting room, before handing her a cup of coffee. "It's not the cafeteria, I know, but thought you'd still like some."

"Thanks Kathy," she replied, taking the cup in her good hand.

"How are you doing? El says you're a bit off colour," Kathy said sympathetically.

"Yeah, I told him I thought it was a bug," she sighed, placing the cup on the floor beside her.

"But you think it's something else?" she asked, setting down her cup as well.

"I think it's this," Olivia said, raising the bandage clad hand. "It feels really hot and itchy, and my fingers feel a little stiff to move."

"What did you do?" Kathy asked, taking Olivia's hand.

"I split my knuckle, got a few stitches," she said, wincing as Kathy unwound the bandage.

"How did you manage to do that?" she probed as she neared the end.

"Um… well, um, actually I did it hitting Steve," she admitted, quickly glancing up at Kathy.

Kathy didn't respond but carefully peeled off the dressing to reveal a red inflamed mess.

"God, Olivia, that's so infected!" she exclaimed, gently resting the hand back on Olivia's leg. "No wonder you feel so bad."

"It doesn't look good, does it?" she grimaced.

"How bad does Steve look?" she asked, daring to look at Olivia.

"Um, black eye, spilt lip, sore jaw," she acknowledged.

"You should have shot him, wouldn't have hurt yourself," Kathy whispered, before falling into silence.

Not really sure what Kathy wanted from her, Olivia sat in silence, waiting for Kathy to speak; it took a few minutes.

"I need your help, Olivia," Kathy whispered, her eyes still fixed on Olivia's hand.

"With what?" she asked, not wanting to assume anything.

"With everything. I don't know how to deal with this … I don't know how to make things better for Liz … I don't know how to reconcile it being Steve who did it ... I can't talk to Elliot about it … I just feel so … so…" her voice trailed as the first of her tears slipped down her cheeks.

"So what, Kathy?" she asked gently, needing her to complete her thought.

"I feel so …guilty … disgusted … useless …" she choked out. "Lizzie must hate me …"

"Oh no, Kathy, she doesn't hate you, she loves you," she said, patting her arm.

"She could barely look at me, and really doesn't want to talk to me …" she began.

"She's coming to terms with it … she's also concerned about you because of your dad and because it was Steve, she believes you'll think it's her fault," Olivia said quietly.

"Oh, but I don't," Kathy said, looking up with watery eyes.

"I know that, and I told her, but she's just trying to work through it," she reassured.

"That's the thing though," Kathy sobbed. "She'll talk to you but not me. All I got from her yesterday was a brief outline and anytime I tried to say something she'd answer with 'Liv this' and 'Liv that'."

"Oh," sighed Olivia, once again feeling that maybe she had intruded.

"Oh no," Kathy said, when she saw Olivia's face drop. "I'm so glad she has you … I know she'd be mortified if she had to talk to Elliot – she's always been so easily embarrassed. I'm really grateful that she felt she could come to you and that you … you…did everything you did … everything you could, not just for her but for Dickie too."

Olivia nodded slowly, of all the ways she'd thought this conversation would go it was never this amicable.

"Um, Olivia," Kathy said slowly unsure of how to proceed. "It's none of my business, I know … and I shouldn't ask … but I have to … you and um, Elliot."

"What about us?" she asked, not wanting to volunteer information.

"From what I could gather from the twins, you and he are … um … together," she said, dropping her head.

"Just," Olivia admitted, nodding. "As in since Saturday."

"Really?" Kathy looked up in surprise. "I … well, El's had strong feelings for you for a long while … I just thought he would have acted on them before now."

"Guess not," Olivia said nervously.

"What does this do for your jobs?" Kathy asked.

"One of us will be transferred … we haven't spoken to Cragen yet … but we will as soon as we get back to New York," she answered. Then there was silence once more.

Feeling awkward in the silence and with her hand throbbing, Olivia needed to do something… say something … but Kathy beat her to it.

"Am I the world's worst mother?" she asked, her voice nearly breaking. "To leave my fifteen year old daughter in the house with … with him…"

"No," soothed Olivia.

"I mean … he's lived there for five months now and I thought we were all getting on well …" Olivia watched as Kathy paled significantly and bent over, resting her head on her knees.

"Kathy, what's wrong?" Olivia asked, gently rubbing her back.

"Five months, Olivia, five months," she gasped. "Please tell me this was the only time he … he… tell me the prick didn't spend the five months interfering with her," she begged, clasping onto Olivia's wrist. Olivia paused for a millisecond too long. "Oh, sweet Jesus, he did … didn't he? … He… he…"

"No, no, Kathy, no, breathe," Olivia instructed quietly. "There have been a couple of minor things but Friday night was by far the worst of it."

Kathy started to sob, the visions of her now ex partner sexually assaulting her baby girl just too difficult to bear.

Before Olivia could console Kathy the nurse called for her. Not wanting to leave Kathy alone in the state she was in, she took her arm.

"Come in with me," she instructed gently. Kathy shook her head but Olivia insisted and led her into the cubicle.

Thirty minutes later, after been given an injection, a course of antibiotics to take, and having the wound cleaned out, Olivia was free to go. She and Kathy walked out of Emergency and into Elliot and the kids. He instantly knew the conversation hadn't been an easy one but he was relieved to see genuine affection between the two women who made up his life.

Kathy embraced Olivia warmly. "Thank you, Olivia," she whispered as she hugged her tightly.

"You call me if you need anything, or just want to talk, okay? she replied, hugging her back.

"Thanks, Liv," she said gratefully, testing out the nickname, realising from this time forth Olivia could only be her ally.

Driving away from the hospital, the conversation in the car was limited to a general run down of the day, no one asked specific questions, no one wanted answers. Knowing it would make for a painfully slow evening, Olivia decided to act.

"Anyone else interested in dinner and movie or a movie then dinner?" she asked, turning in her seat to look at her three companions.

Elliot wasn't interested but decided since Olivia had offered then she had a plan, so he agreed quickly.

"What about you guys?" Elliot asked, as he navigated a tight corner.

"Yeah, what movie?" Dickie asked, not wanting to endure a chick flick.

"No idea," Olivia replied. "Why don't we head to the cinema now, check out the schedule and make a decision?"

"Sounds like a plan, Liv," said Elliot. "Don't you think, Liz?"

"Yeah …" there was nothing enthusiastic in her response at all.

"We don't have to," Olivia said, craning her neck look at Liz.

"No, we should," Liz replied tiredly. "We should."

Anything would be better than the nothingness of the strained conversation.

EOEO

The following morning, the plans for the day, made over dinner the night before were changed.

"I'm really sorry, guys," Olivia groaned from her bed. "Don't think I can cope with a day at Universal."

Elliot moved to her and felt her forehead. "Your temperature's gone," he said before kissing her head. "Those antibiotics not kicked in?"

"Yeah, but …" she started.

"We don't have to go, Liv … it's okay," he said.

Olivia glanced at Dickie. "No, it's not. Why don't you take the kids and have fun?"

"If it's alright with you, Livvy…" Liz began, sitting on the bed at Olivia's feet. "I'd rather hang out here today than go."

"There you go," Olivia said, smiling at Elliot. "You and Dickie can go and have some male bonding time – do the Hulk rollercoaster he wants to do. And Lizzie and I will have some girly time … might go to the salon downstairs and have a manicure or something."

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yeah … then we'll be beautiful and you can take us out to dinner," she sassed, winking at him.

"You…" He bent down and kissed her nose. "…are always beautiful."

After the guys had departed, Olivia picked up the hotel directory and called down to the salon. When she hung up she had a plan of action for the day.

"Well, Liz, we can have a massage in an hour, a mani and pedi after that. We could then have lunch and be back in there for a hair appointment at three. What do you think?" she asked, sitting alongside her on the bed.

"I thought you weren't feeling well?" she asked, surprised at the day's agenda.

"I am feeling better than yesterday but I really couldn't handle a day of walking around in the heat or the rides," she replied. "If you don't want to go, it's okay, I can cancel them."

"No, no," she quickly answered. "I think it sounds great. I just don't want you overdoing it. I mean you haven't been well and you've spent all your time looking after me when you had all your own _issues_..."

"Honey, like I said last night, I'm okay and I don't think sitting in a chair or lying on a bed could be seen as overdoing it," she smiled. "Okay?"

"Okay, just checking," Lizzie said, kissing her cheek. "I'll go have a shower then."

Massages complete, Liz and Olivia reclined in the leather chairs, waiting for the 'treatment specialist' to come their way.

"Wonder what university degree you have to have to be considered a specialist?" Olivia whispered, leaning across to Lizzie.

"Probably Harvard," Liz whispered back.

"Then this will be the best manicure ever," she grinned, winking at Liz.

"What colour are you getting, Liv?" she asked opening the colour selection chart.

"Well, I think my fingers have to be something subtle, for work, but my toes …" she trailed.

"Get this," Lizzie suggested, tapping rapidly on the chart.

Olivia leaned forward to read the name before bursting out laughing. "Cotton Candy?"

"Yeah, it's a hot colour and cute name," Liz encouraged.

"But it's so ... so pink," she replied but looking up at Lizzie's eager face she gave in. "Cotton Candy it is."

Massaged, painted, buffed, hair cut and styled, Olivia and Liz made their way back to the hotel room both feeling happier and more relaxed than they had in a long time. Both looking forward to Elliot and Dickie coming home so they could go and have dinner at the Outback Steakhouse just down the block.

Their plans were changed twenty minutes later when there was a frantic banging on the hotel room door.

"Elliot!" Olivia exclaimed, seeing him pale, clammy and bent over. "What's wrong?"

"Out of my way," he groaned as he dashed for the bathroom and promptly threw up.

Olivia went in to him and grabbed a face washer, running it under the cold water before mopping his brow. "You okay, babe?" she asked quietly as he tried to stand.

"Yeah, am now … just something I ate," he said, leaning at the basin and scooping water into his mouth before swishing and spitting it out.

Elliot wrapped his arm around Olivia's shoulders and walked back out to the kids.

"You look terrible, dad," Lizzie commented, as he sat down on the end of a bed, his head resting on Olivia's chest as she stood in front of him.

"Thanks, Liz," he muttered.

"When did this start?" Olivia asked Dickie who was finding the whole thing quite amusing.

"Well," he began, sitting next to his father. "I bet dad he couldn't eat the same as me and do the same rides without getting sick … and he said he could…"

"Oh Elliot!" Olivia smirked. "This is self inflicted? What did you do?"

"A few rides, four hot dogs, sodas, more rides …" He swallowed hard as his stomach churned at the thought.

"Did you do the Hulk?" Lizzie asked amused by the whole thing.

"Nine times," Dickie grinned.

"Nine?" Olivia gasped. "No wonder you look green, El," she whispered, kissing his head.

"Are you going to tell them what else we ate, dad?" Dickie smirked.

"I don't think we need to … share," he groaned, making a dash for the bathroom once again.

As Elliot held onto the porcelain toilet bowl, Olivia stood beside him, gently rubbing his back. After the worst had passed he looked down to her feet and noticed her bright pink toes.

"It's Cotton Candy," she offered, noting his curious look. "Lizzie's got the same."

It was enough to induce more vomiting.

"Hey, Liv," Liz said rapping at the door. "Did dad tell you what they ate?"

"Not yet," she replied, squeezing his shoulder.

"Cotton Candy … ten lots … How funny's that?" she laughed backing out of the bathroom.

"Ten? God, Elliot. What were you thinking?" she laughed.

He eased himself up from the floor and sat on the edge of the tub, holding onto Olivia, his arms wrapped around her stomach.

"Think you have to face it, sweetie, you're getting old," she soothed, her hand raking through his hair.

"Guess I am…" he nodded. "Not going to do that again."

"So I guess dinner's out," she stated as he shifted his head.

"Yeah, sorry baby," he moaned. "Don't think I'll ever eat again."

"That's okay, we don't have to go out," she replied, her hand resting on his shoulder.

"You could take the kids, if you wanted to," Elliot suggested. "Don't know if Dickie will be up to eating though."

By the time Olivia and the twins left for dinner, Elliot was tucked up in bed with a bottle of water and his cell on the bedside table and the waste paper bin, doubling as a bucket, sitting by the bed. His stomach had settled a bit but his head still swirled every time he closed his eyes, his brain seemingly stuck forever on the Incredible Hulk Rollercoaster.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

**_There are just 2 chapters left in this story. After the overwhelming support with the early chapters I embarked on writing an epilogue. It will most likely be a two - parter._**

**_Thanks once again for your continued support and encouragement for this story, it means so much._**

**_love Nettie_**

**_xoxoxox_**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

Walking into the restaurant, Olivia and the twins were guided to the far corner, it was dark but comfortable and they spread out around the booth they were offered.

"Hi, my name's Jesse," the waiter said. "I'll be serving you tonight." He winked at Lizzie and Olivia watched as she shifted uncomfortably. "Our specials are …" he continued, paying way too much attention to Liz and she wasn't coping well with it at all.

"We can read the board," Olivia interrupted, taking the menus from him. "Come back in five minutes and we'll order."

"That's not really how we do things, ma'am, we…" he began but seeing the death glare she was giving him decided against finishing the sentence.

"That was so cool, Liv, you really stopped him," Dickie laughed as the waiter disappeared into the darkness.

"Well, we're here to have a lovely dinner and don't need him, or anyone, spoiling things, do we?" she grinned at Liz and was relieved when she smiled back.

"No, we don't," she replied.

The conversation was kept light and easy. No serious questions, no deep and meaningful issues. Until dessert, when Dickie changed everything.

"Liv, can I ask you a question?" he started guardedly.

"Sure," she replied.

"Why did you join SVU? Was it because your mom was a victim?" he asked, toying with his spoon.

"Well, I guess, yeah," Olivia answered slowly.

"And you too?" he continued, and her eyes widened as she prayed Lizzie hadn't told him about Sealview. "I mean … not a victim like her but more of the circumstances, you know…"

"Yeah," she nodded, sipping her water with relief.

"Is everyone in the squad victims, like you and dad, or do they join for other reasons?" he asked, oblivious to the discomfort these questions were causing.

"Like your dad?" Olivia asked, her eyes darting between the pair.

"Yeah, well, he was a victim too… he doesn't talk about…" he began but stopped as his sister kicked him under the table. "What?"

"I don't know if we should be talking about this," she whispered, well aware Olivia could hear her.

"Liv would already know," he replied, turning back to Olivia. "Liv, you know that dad was abused by his dad, don't you? That he used to belt him and call him all sorts of things?"

Olivia nodded. Not because she already knew but because she didn't want the twins to think she didn't.

After a few moments of silence, Olivia got her thoughts together. "Yeah, he'd said something, I just wasn't aware you knew."

"Dad told me a bit about it when I asked him about that scar on the back of his head. He said it was from a bottle Pop had thrown at him and called him a waste of space when he was about eight and had forgotten to collect the mail. I asked him if Pop did things like that all the time and he said yes, and usually worse. I asked him how a father could do that to his son and he just said Pop was a hard man who found it difficult to show his love."

Olivia just nodded, the pieces falling into place.

Elliot wasn't the tough, angry cop just because he was trying to make the world safer for his children. He was a victim himself; his anger was the result of not being able to stand up for himself when he was younger, now he standing up for all those who couldn't do it for themselves and nothing was going to stop him.

Then it dawned on Olivia that the whole episode the morning before they left; Elliot feeling worthless and useless, it wasn't just because of Lizzie's assault he felt that way but because he'd been told often enough by his dad he was and, despite everything else he had achieved in his life since, he still believed him.

Walking back to the hotel, Olivia was grateful for the cool air and its refreshing qualities. Her head was swirling with this new information and she was struggling to deal with it. In all the years of their partnership, she'd had no real indication Elliot's father had abused him, that his dad was anything other than a hard cop and a tough father. There were enough opportunities for him to disclose such information, especially given the number of times they'd discussed her parentage. She was upset he hadn't confided in her, but then, she wasn't confiding in him so they were even – sort of.

As they walked into the foyer, Olivia's cell rang.

"Bet that's dad wondering where we are," Lizzie said, pressing the elevator button.

Olivia glanced down at the screen. "No, it's Captain Cragen. You guys head up, I'll be right behind you," she said, handing Dickie the room swipe card.

She flicked open the cell. "Hey, Don," she began as the twins stepped into the elevator. The conversation was brief but serious and when it was over, she made her way back up to the room.

"Bad news," she said as Dickie opened the door for her. "I'm needed in New York, have to head back tomorrow morning."

"Um, there's been more bad news, Liv," said Elliot, drawing Olivia's attention to the expressions on the faces of the twins. "Kathy's dad died about an hour ago."

"Oh god, I am sorry," she said, hugging Dickie who was still standing beside her. "How are you guys?" she asked. Lizzie and Dickie both nodded but neither said anything. "How's Kathy?" she asked, leading Dickie to the bed and sitting beside him, facing Elliot and Lizzie.

"Not great," he replied. "I offered to go over, take the kids, but she said no, not til tomorrow."

"I'm sorry I have to go back," she sighed. "Cragen insisted."

"Timing sucks, hey?" he said. As Lizzie snuggled into him, Elliot couldn't help but grin. At least this was something positive.

EOEOEO

Monday night found Olivia lying in the cribs. Working flat out since her return she'd had little chance to go home and sleep, and now, with only the paperwork to finalise, she was ready to admit her exhaustion and succumb to unconsciousness.

Elliot and the twins would still be in Florida for another few days and she wanted to sleep and be refreshed for them.

She lay there wondering how the funeral, held that day, had gone, how they were all coping, how Lizzie was doing. She thought about how it would be to be wrapped in Elliot's arms once more, to feel his lips on hers, to be in his bed. Just as she was drifting off, her cell vibrated and she grinned when she saw the name.

"Hey Lizzie," she smiled. "How are you doing, sweetie?"

"I'm okay," came her tired voice down the line. "Glad the funeral's over."

"Did everything go okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," Lizzie yawned.

"You sound tired, baby," she commented, stifling her own yawn.

"Yeah, haven't slept much since you went home," she admitted quietly.

"Why?" she asked, rolling onto her side.

"'Cause … I don't know … I guess I just feel better when you're there," she replied. "What about you, Liv," Lizzie continued. "Do you sleep? I mean after Sealview?"

Olivia sighed deeply, her relationship with Lizzie had to be based on the truth, but sometimes that was too difficult to contemplate.

"I have trouble sleeping," she admitted.

"I talk to you about these things, Livvy, who do you talk to?" she asked.

"No one," she sighed. There were times when she spent hours longing for someone to speak to, someone to hold her and comfort her, just like she had done for Lizzie.

"Why don't you talk to dad about it?" Lizzie whispered. "He's pretty cool, Liv …"

"I know he is, Liz," Olivia yawned.

"You need to sleep, Livvy," she announced. "So, I'm going to go, sleep well."

"You too, baby," she replied.

"And think about talking to dad … " her voice trailed.

"Don't tell him…" Olivia began before she realised the line was dead.

Tuesday afternoon Olivia and Munch returned from taking a witness statement to find Fin sitting at his desk, nursing a split lip.

"Who was she?" Munch grinned, peering over his glasses.

"Olivia," Fin muttered, a bloodied tissue in his hand.

"Me? I didn't do anything," she protested confused.

"Yeah, but it was because of you," he replied, dabbing at the blood which still trickled down his chin.

"Huh?" She was sure she couldn't be more confused if she tried.

"I was here, minding my own business, when your partner rocked up and asked me, 'What the fuck happened in Sealview?'" Fin began, rubbing his jaw. "I told him nothing happened and he decked me saying, 'like hell it hadn't'. He stormed off when the Cap came out."

The colour drained from Olivia's face, he knew … he knew … how the hell did he …Lizzie!

"You okay, Liv?" Munch asked, grabbing her arm, as she stumbled backwards.

"Yeah," she croaked, steadying herself against the desk.

"Olivia," Fin said firmly, standing up from his chair. "What exactly happened in Sealview?"

Her eyes widened, her heart raced. "No…thing."

"Not what it looks like, Liv," Munch said, still holding onto her. "What did the prick do to you?"

She shook her head; this wasn't the conversation she wanted to be having, not here, not now, not with them.

"You got there in time," she managed, looking at Fin. "You got there in time."

"What did he do to you?" Fin counted, moving to stand in front of her.

"Nothing ... it didn't go anywhere ... you came in..." she stammered.

"Olivia," Fin said firmly, "What didn't go anywhere? What did he try and do?"

She closed her eyes and willed the memories away. "Please don't …" she begged in barely a whisper.

"Okay, I won't," Fin replied sympathetically. "But you do need to talk about it … and you need to talk to Stabler, 'cause if he comes near me again I'll shoot him."

Olivia nodded.

Leaving the 1-6, Olivia debated where she would go, she wanted to see Elliot and the kids, she wanted some time to herself, she wanted him to calm down and she wanted to check on Lizzie. In the end she settled on going home, reasoning that she needed to shower and change before she was fit to see anyone.

Stepping out of the shower, Olivia wrapped a white, fluffy towel around her body, before using a matching one to wrap around her head. Padding back to her bedroom she thought she heard movement within her apartment. Slipping on her robe, she grabbed her Glock and made her way to the bedroom door before easing it opened. Edging her way through the opening, she crept down the hallway before scanning the living room as it came into view.

There was definitely someone there.

One deep breath, two, three, and she moved in to the living room, her gun straight out ahead of her. Movement once more, this time coming from the kitchen, stealthily she approached.

"Freeze!" she yelled, aiming her gun at the form in front of her.

"Put it away," Elliot replied wearily, turning to face her.

"Elliot! You scared the shit out of me!" she yelled out of frustration.

"I scared you?" he retorted. "How the hell do you think I felt when my daughter told me about Sealview?"

Olivia shook her head, walking back to the bedroom and re-holstering her weapon.

"Don't walk away from me," he yelled after her.

"I'm not," she sighed, re-emerging rubbing her hair dry.

"I asked you that night," he started. "You said you were okay."

"I was," she replied, dropping her towel onto the counter.

"You were attacked, Olivia!" There was something about the way he said her full name which told her the depths of his anger.

"He didn't rape me," she replied, her eyes filling with tears when she saw the distress in his. "He didn't."

"I don't care whether he raped you or not!" he yelled. "Well, I do … but even if he didn't rape you he still attacked you, didn't he? It was still an assault, wasn't it? A sexual assault?"

As desperate as she felt, he looked more so. She wanted to protect him, didn't want him to have him deal with assaults on both her and his daughter. But there was already too much said so she nodded. "I'm okay," she whispered, hoping it would comfort him, comfort her.

"Like hell you are!" he hissed.

"I'm okay," she repeated, it had become her personal mantra.

He stormed towards her, grabbing her upper arms and pulling her to him. "Why didn't you tell me?" He all but begged, his voice was softer but the pain was clearly there.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she countered. "About your dad?"

Elliot let go and stepped back. "What about my dad?" he asked as his brow furrowed.

"Why didn't you tell me he used to abuse you? Used to hit you? Humiliate you? In all the years we've been partners, talking about my father, why didn't you ever tell me about yours?" The questions poured from her, her tone defensive and anxious at the same time.

"Liv, what the fuck does my father have to do with what happened at Sealview?" he spat. "It was over thirty years ago … Sealview was what? Two months …Big difference."

"Big difference in time, not in reasons …" she said softly. "The reasons you didn't tell me, the reasons I didn't tell you … it's what makes us us."

He studied her curiously; wondering how on earth she could compare an abusive parent with a near rape. Wondering what it would take for her to talk to him … like he had spoken to her the morning they left for Florida … for her to trust him with her secrets and her fears … for her to let him in; into her heart, into her life.

"Olivia, are you going to talk to me?" he asked calmly. She stayed silent for a long time. "Liv?" he prompted.

"I can't," she whispered. Not yet ready to relive the event, not ready for him to know just how desperate things had been and how much she had hated him at that moment, simply because he wasn't there. "Elliot!" she called as he grabbed his jacket and stalked to the door. "Don't go!"

"Doesn't seem much point in staying," he retorted.

"Please!" She hated that she was begging but she couldn't help herself.

"When you are ready to talk, you know where to find me."

Then he was gone.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

**_There's one chapter left in this story. After the overwhelming support with the early chapters I embarked on writing an epilogue, which I have finished but no longer like the ending, so I will try and rewrite it. That may mean a longer than usual gap between the final chapter and epilogue but I'll try my best._**

**_Thanks once again for your continued support and encouragement for this story, it means so much._**

_**I would ask,** **if only for my own happiness, that if you've read any part of this, you leave me at least one review and let me know what you think. There are 90 people who have alerted this story, which amazes me, I'd like to hear from all of you :D I could try and bribe you...but I won't.**_

**_love Nettie_**

**_xoxoxox_**


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**This was originally the final chapter. Please see AN below.**

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

Thursday night came and Olivia was still struggling with the whole situation with Elliot. It was consuming her and the worst part was she knew she could end it by just going over and talking to him. Unfortunately, doing just that was the problem. She startled when her cell rang, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Hey Kathy," she answered. "How are you doing?"

"Okay, I guess," she replied quietly.

"How's your mom coping?" she asked.

"Oh, well, she's okay, I guess," she answered slowly.

There was a pause as both women tried to find the right words to continue.

"Um, Olivia," Kathy began. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes," she replied quickly. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I'm still in Florida and I was talking to Liz and she was upset. At first she wouldn't tell me anything and I thought it was the assault but in the end she said she was feeling really bad and it was because of you. But she wouldn't give me any information. What happened?" Kathy asked, almost breathless.

"Oh, um, I haven't spoken to her in a couple of days, so I'm not sure," she replied.

"Yes, you are," she countered. "Please tell me, Olivia. It couldn't be worse than the assault, could it?"

Olivia's heart wrenched at the tone of Kathy's voice. She was thinking something worse had happened to her daughter and the only way to get around it was with the truth.

"It's not worse," she sighed. "I think Liz is feeling guilty about something she told her dad."

"What was it?" Kathy pleaded.

"I was undercover recently at Sealview and I was assaulted," she admitted. "I told her when we were discussing her situation. She told her dad."

"And you hadn't told Elliot? He didn't know?" she asked surprised.

"I couldn't," she whispered.

"Why not, Liv?" she asked gently.

"Because I …I … I just couldn't," she replied, the pain clearly evident in her voice.

"You need to, Olivia. You need to talk to Elliot, to someone … and you need to talk to Lizzie, she's feeling really bad at the moment … and I can't be there … and you … I mean she loves you … and …" Kathy was rambling and they both knew it.

"Okay," Olivia interrupted. "I'll talk to her."

"And to Elliot," Kathy added. There was a long silence. "Please, Liv, for your sake, and his, talk to him."

It was already midnight when Olivia got to Elliot's house. She stood on the front step for twenty minutes before she worked up enough courage to ring the doorbell. Then it was three eternal minutes before the door opened. She looked at Elliot long and hard, the last week had added years to his face.

"I'm ready to talk, will you listen?" she asked, her stomach clenching.

He turned and walked up the stairs. "Come on up."

Elliot climbed back into bed and sat propped up against the pillows. He watched as Olivia dropped her coat and purse on the chair and toed her shoes off. He waited, thinking she would slip in beside him, but in never came. Wrapping her arms around herself, as if to keep warm, she paced around the room, never really looking at him, but knowing he was there, watching her intently. Swallowing hard, she tried to begin, but the words seemed to lodge in her throat. The only thing that started was her tears.

It took Elliot all his self restraint not to jump out of bed and hold her. He wanted all of this to be on her terms but as she plopped onto the end of the bed and dropped her head into her hands with loud, choking sobs wracking her body, he couldn't resist. Quickly, he scooted over to her, his arms encircling her, pulling her into his chest and kissing her head repeatedly.

"Baby, baby, it's okay," he soothed. "It's okay."

He could feel her shake her head. "No, it's not," she mumbled into his pale blue tee.

After sitting awkwardly for a long while, Elliot needed to move and took the opportunity to scoop Olivia up and bring her back into the bed with him. He sat up with her between his legs, her back to him. His arms were wrapped around her waist and the blankets were pulled up over both of them.

Olivia shifted slightly and turned so her shoulder and head rested on his chest, her breath tickling him as she sighed deeply. He kissed her head, and held tighter.

"I never told you about my dad," he began in a throaty whisper, "…because I didn't want you to think I was weak … that I couldn't stand up for myself." She snuggled in a bit closer. "I was so scared of turning into him that I thought if I didn't talk about it, didn't think about him, then it was never going to happen. I wouldn't be the cruel, spiteful, son-of-a-bitch he was." Olivia adjusted herself again, slipping an arm around his waist. "I wanted to forget how he made me feel."

She nodded. "That's what I wanted," she whispered. "To forget about it; to ignore it. I didn't want to think about what had happened and what would have happened if Fin hadn't got to me when he did." She felt Elliot's lips on her hair and the unmistakeable splash of his tears on her forehead. "I didn't want you to think I was weak, that I was a cop who couldn't protect herself. Didn't want to think that you wouldn't want me as a partner. Didn't want people, didn't want you, thinking I'd brought it on myself…"

"I would never have thought that, Livia," he whispered, kissing her head once more.

"I couldn't take the chance," she whispered in response, turning to kneel in front of him. "You … you are it for me, Elliot … I need you more than I have ever needed anybody … and that alone scares the hell out of me … and I couldn't take the chance that this would change things … that you would think differently of me … that you … that you wouldn't … want me …" she gulped, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

Elliot's hands found her face, holding it still in front of him so she couldn't mistake what he was about to say.

"I'm going to say something, Olivia Benson, and you need to listen, okay?" he said gruffly. She nodded as tears stung her eyes once more. "There is nothing, NOTHING, that has happened or could happen to you that would make me stop loving you. There is NOTHING you could do or say that can stop me loving you. I love you. I'm IN love with you. And I am sure of it. I have been for a long time now. I love you because of who you are and because of how you make me feel. You are the most incredible woman I know and not Sealview, or your father, or your mother, or anything else in this fucked up world is ever going to make me think otherwise."

Olivia reached in to wipe away his tears. "I love you so much, Elliot," she whispered.

"You think loving me is something you can do for a long time?" he asked.

"For the rest of my life," she whispered.

"Good because you're it for me too, Livia, and I don't want it any other way," he whispered.

Her arms encircled him, and she slumped into his body, this was the place she wanted to stay forever. She never wanted to move, to think, to breathe.

It lasted two minutes until there was a small knock on the door.

"Dad?" Lizzie called.

"Come in, baby girl," he replied.

Lizzie's face lit up when she saw Olivia wrapped in her father's arms. "Hi Liv," she said shyly.

"Hey honey," she said. "Come and sit." She patted the bed near her.

"No, it's okay, I don't want to disturb you guys," Liz said, shaking her head.

"Come on," Olivia encouraged. "You're not disturbing anything."

Lizzie slid into the bed next to her father.

"I'm really sorry, Livvy," she started. "I didn't realise it was a secret."

"It's okay, there are no secrets now," she replied, as Elliot kissed her head. "And you're right, honey, your dad's pretty cool."

"Does this mean everything's okay?" she asked hopefully.

"Everything's more than okay," Elliot answered, smiling widely. Olivia nodded in agreement.

"I … um …" Liz began but then seemed to change her mind.

"No secrets, remember," Olivia prompted.

"I had a bad dream and was hoping I could sleep here, is that okay?" she asked quietly, looking at her dad.

"You sure can, baby girl," Elliot replied, happy and relieved that both his girls had finally come to him, both allowing him in, allowing him to help them.

He and Olivia moved in the bed and this time Liz slept between them. For a long time he lay there on his side and watched them both, the ambient lighting enough for him to study their faces. As sleep claimed them he watched the pain and torment drift from their features and be replaced with something he could only call contentment. Olivia looked peaceful, something he had never truly seen before.

Looking down at his daughter, who was facing him, he watched as she repositioned herself so her whole body was encased by Olivia; as if Olivia was a security blanket Lizzie couldn't do without. He grinned, he knew that feeling. He watched Liz's face relax again; a look of innocence drifted over her features once more.

He knew nothing could change the events for either of them but he prayed being together, facing the challenges together, would go a long way to taking away the pain and torment of their respective assaults and replacing it with the gentle and beautiful look of innocence he was now seeing on his baby girl's face.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

**_After the overwhelming support with the early chapters I embarked on writing an epilogue, which I finished but no longer liked the ending, so I am rewriting it, and there lies the problem. It's developing on it's own and I'm nearly 9000 words into it and it's not yet finished. Yes, 9000+ words for an epilogue. So while I continue to write it I may just put it up as chapters in continuing the story and not as an epilogue as such. Just so long as everyone notes the time jump, the next chapter is set three months ahead._**

**_All those in favour, say 'aye'!_**

**_Thanks once again for your continued support and encouragement for this story, it means so much._**

**_love Nettie_**

**_xoxoxox_**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

**Three months later**

It was the first real taste of summer as Olivia juggled the bag of groceries in one hand and her keys in the other as she stood on the steps of Elliot's house. Just as she inserted the key into the lock the door was pulled opened by Dickie.

"Hey Liv," he greeted, grabbing the bag from her. "Let me take it."

"Hey honey, how are you?" she asked, moving in and closing the door behind them.

"Good now we're on vacation," he grinned grabbing the bag.

"Bet you are," she smiled, following him into the kitchen.

"Livvy," Lizzie squealed, hugging her tightly. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, baby. Work has been very busy," Olivia said, kissing her head.

"Yeah, so has school – but it's all done now," she replied, the traditional vacation grin in place.

"Need some help here?" Olivia offered, gesturing to all the salad fixings on the counter.

"Nah, we've got it covered," Lizzie said. "Don't we Dickie?" He nodded.

The twins had invited Olivia to a barbeque lunch at Elliot's and promised they would do it all, washing up included. Elliot had little say in it but made them promise they would not light the barbeque until he got home, after having been called unexpectedly into work that morning at the 12th precinct to finalise some paperwork.

"Well, can you use these?" Olivia offered, emptying the contents of the grocery bag onto the counter.

"Sure can," Dickie said, scooping up the giant pack of peanut M&M's, his favourites, and stuffing it up his red t-shirt. "I can definitely use these."

"They are for sharing, Richard," Elliot's voice boomed, startling them all.

"Damn," he grinned. "No harm in trying."

"Hey, dad," Liz greeted him.

"Hey, Liz, got everything under control?" he asked, moving across the kitchen to Olivia.

"Sure have, dad," she replied, picking up the cutlery. "Just going to set the table. Dickie, grab those," she ordered, pointing to the condiments and napkins. Dickie rolled his eyes but obliged, he'd spent his life taking orders from women.

"Hi baby," he grinned, turning his attention to Olivia.

"Hi yourself," she replied, hooking her arms around his neck and drawing him closer.

"Been here long?" he asked as his lips brushed against hers.

"Uhuh," she replied, her lips claiming his. A long, leisurely kiss ensued before the back door swung open.

"Ready to turn …" Dickie began before realising what he was interrupting. "Ah god, not again," he whined, throwing his arms up. He loved his dad and he loved Olivia, and he was glad they were together, but they were way too old to be making out like this…again.

"Were you after something, son?" Elliot asked, pulling away from Olivia as she used her thumb to wipe her lipstick from his face.

"Everything's ready to go, we just need to fire up the barbeque – when you're ready of course," he added for good measure, quickly ducking as the dishcloth Elliot tossed at him sailed passed.

"What's taking so long?" Liz called from the back.

"They were otherwise occupied," Dickie yelled as he made his way out to his sister.

"Again!" Lizzie exclaimed, with mock exasperation.

"I know – and at their age," Dickie replied.

Olivia laughed and pushed herself away from the bench. "It's so good to see them so happy," she said, straightening up Elliot's shirt.

"It is, isn't it?" he grinned. The normal teenager banter delighted him, though he would never admit it. The past three months hadn't been easy but it looked like they were all getting through it.

"Are you calling me old?" Elliot called, grabbing Olivia's hand and making his way to the yard.

"If the shoe fits," Dickie retorted. Elliot grabbed him in a headlock.

"Want to reconsider?" Elliot asked, mussing his hair, something he knew his son hated.

"Oh okay," he conceded. "You're not old… you're young."

"That's better," Elliot grinned, letting him go.

"For someone of your advanced aged," Dickie added quickly, moving away from Elliot's reach.

Elliot shook his head and smiled.

"Doesn't matter, El, I love you anyway," Olivia said, kissing his cheek. "Regardless of your age."

"Hey, don't you start," he said, turning to face her. "After all there's only a couple…"

"If you know what's good for you, you won't finish that sentence, Stabler," Olivia jokingly warned.

"You're what's good for me," he whispered, ducking in for a quick kiss.

"Can we _puhlease_ do something about lunch," Dickie interrupted.

"Okay, okay," Elliot conceded. "But one day, you'll find a girl who…"

"He already has," Lizzie interrupted gleefully. "Jessica Wright"

"Shut up," Dickie retorted.

"Jessica Wright, hey?" Elliot said, moving over to the barbeque and lighting it. "And who exactly is Jessica Wright?"

"Nobody," Dickie said quickly, a blush creeping into his cheeks.

"She was in his Algebra and Geography classes…" Lizzie began.

"Lizzie…" Dickie warned.

"And she's …" Lizzie continued. "Oh, okay," she said, looking at the panic on her brother's face. She knew while it was fun to kid him about these things, he'd done so much for her in recent months that she owed him.

The day passed quickly and as Olivia slid into Elliot's empty bed, she couldn't help but smile at just how much she had enjoyed herself.

"Smiling at anything in particular?" Elliot asked, coming into the room and surprising her.

"Life," she sighed.

"And is life good?" he asked, slipping into the bed beside her.

"It's certainly improved a hell of a lot," she replied, snuggling into his side.

"Yeah it has," he agreed kissing her head.

"The kids seem to be doing well," Olivia said, running her fingers up and down his chest.

"I think it's got a lot to do with the fact they're sleeping well. They've been here since vacation started and have spent the whole night, every night, in their own beds," he replied, raking his fingers through her hair.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, propping herself up. "I mean I know Liz had a lot of problems being back in the house, but I thought things improved with the room swaps and new furniture."

"It helped, but once Liz started sleeping through the night in her own room, rather than with Kathy in Mo and Kat's room, Dickie would go in when she was asleep and sleep in her armchair, or on the floor," Elliot explained quietly.

"Really, how do you know?" she asked, entwining her fingers with his.

"Kathy told me. I don't think she's slept through the night in the last three months, she's up at every sound, checking everything's okay with Lizzie. I think the only time she allows herself to sleep is when the kids are here," Elliot yawned and stretched.

Olivia shifted in the bed and studied him, her mind going into overdrive. The serious look on her face worried Elliot.

"What is it, Liv?" he asked, propping himself up to face her.

She said nothing.

"Liv, baby?" he said quietly, stroking her face. "What is it?"

"I was … um … just thinking," she began hesitantly. "What if the kids moved in here, on a more permanent basis?"

"I had thought that myself, but working Homicide is just as bad as SVU, I can't guarantee when I'd be here," he said, laying back down, folding his hands behind his head. "They are better off with Kathy."

"What if Kathy moved in here too?" she said so quietly he thought he'd imagined it.

"Huh?" he said, staring at her.

"What if Kathy moved in here too?" she repeated with more confidence.

"Kathy? You're suggesting my ex-wife moves in with me?" he asked incredulously, sitting up.

"Not exactly," Olivia replied. "I was thinking that maybe you could then … well, you might consider moving in with me," she said shyly.

"You want me to move in with you?" he asked, not really believing they were having this conversation. True they had been together three months and true he loved her more than ever but they still hadn't consummated that love so her suggesting moving in together was a huge surprise.

Olivia sat up crossed legged in the middle of the bed, needing distance from him to have this conversation.

"I've … um … been doing a lot of thinking lately … well, actually, I've been going to counselling," she said, staring at the sheet beneath her. "And, um … well, the thing is …"

"Counselling?" he interrupted, sitting up and facing her. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, using his finger to draw her face up to his.

"Well," she said nervously, "It's only a recent thing … three weeks … six sessions…"

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked again, a softness to his voice.

"I don't know …" she answered, making eye contact with him. "I guess the sessions can be pretty exhausting … I've got a lot to work through, in case you didn't know…" she added for humour, he didn't smile. "And I didn't want to have to rehash things again…I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologise," Elliot interrupted, reaching across to kiss her forehead.

"I wanted to tell you … I guess I'm not just there yet …" Olivia admitted, her hair falling across her face.

Elliot opened his arms and she moved into him, lying back down on the bed with him. "In time, Liv, in time." He kissed her forehead and couldn't help but smile, they'd both come so far and he knew her just telling him she was in counselling was hard for her.

"So, about moving in …" she said hesitantly.

"Well, I'm all for that," he grinned. "I'll talk to Kathy about her plans and whether she wants to live here with the twins…"

"And if she doesn't?" Olivia asked, wondering if it all hinged on Kathy.

"Then I'll speak to a realtor about renting this place out…or maybe you can move in here and we rent yours out," he smiled before leaning down to kiss her.

"Good," she mumbled.

It was nearly three when Olivia stirred, only to be fully woken by the sound of the television on downstairs. She eased her way out of bed, grabbed Elliot's robe and headed down.

"Hey kiddo," she said when she spied Liz sitting on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket.

"Sorry, is it too loud?" she said, grabbing the remote and hitting mute.

"No, no," Olivia said, dropping down on the sofa beside her. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Lizzie nodded, snuggling into her.

"Then why are you up in the middle of the night?" she asked gently.

"I wanted to talk to you," she replied, pulling the blanket tighter.

"And you couldn't do that in daylight? Olivia asked, shifting to make herself more comfortable.

"Not with them around," Lizzie whispered, nodding up to where Elliot and Dickie slept. "And I knew you would be awake at some stage."

"So what's up, baby?" Olivia asked, stroking her hair.

"I miss not talking to you," Liz sighed deeply.

"I'm always here for you, Lizzie," she said. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know it," she agreed. "How are you doing, Livvy?"

"I'm doing well," she replied.

"You're still not sleeping properly, are you?" Lizzie asked.

"No, but it's getting better," Olivia admitted.

"How's work?" she continued.

"Well, it's not the same now that your dad's in Homicide at the 12th but it's going okay, just busy," Olivia answered, wondering where Lizzie was going with her questions.

"And how is it having Fin as a partner?" Lizzie asked, playing with the buttons on Olivia's pyjama top.

"Good," she said.

"Good," echoed Lizzie before silence descended.

Olivia stretched out on the sofa and Lizzie curled into her, bringing the blanket up over them both.

For several long moments Olivia allowed the silence to linger, wanting to wait for Liz to speak but as time passed it didn't seem like it was going to happen.

"What is it, baby?" Olivia asked tilting Lizzie's head up. "What's wrong?"

"Well, um…" Lizzie started as her eyes filled with tears.

"What?" she prompted in a whisper.

"You know Jason Delaney, the boy I told you about the other week?" she began and Olivia nodded. "Well, we were all at Sarah Bradley's place the other day and he … um …he…" her voice trailed.

"What did he do?" Olivia asked concern etched across her face.

"He kissed me," Lizzie said breathlessly.

"And?" she prompted, unsure as to whether Lizzie was distressed by it or not.

"And … it was okay," she nodded, as if trying to convince herself.

"Just okay?" Olivia asked.

"Well, it was sort of nice … a bit odd at first, you know with his braces, but …yeah…" she explained hesitantly.

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" she asked, rubbing her arm.

"It was … at first…" she admitted quietly. "But then … it … um… wasn't so good."

"Why? What happened?" she asked, pulling her closer.

"Well, the kiss was okay and I was okay with it …" she began. "But then he moved his hand up under my shirt and … I sort of freaked…"

"Sort of freaked, how?" Olivia asked gently.

"I jumped up and made some excuse and ran home and hid out in Dickie's room," she admitted, holding tighter to Olivia.

"What do you think it was about what Jason did that upset you?" Olivia asked, paraphrasing her own therapist.

"I'm not too sure," she admitted. "I just think I wasn't expecting it and when I felt his hand there I couldn't help but think of _him_."

"And what did that make you feel?" Olivia prompted.

"Icky, I think is the right word – you know, just weirded out," she yawned.

"Yeah, I know," she agreed. "How do you feel about it now?"

"Okay I guess…" she yawned again. "It does get easier though, doesn't it?"

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.

"Well, it can't have been easy for you, you know with dad, in that way, after Sealview," Lizzie said, sleepily.

"It's different for me and your dad," Olivia said. "But yeah, it is getting easier."

"It should…you guys practice enough…" she trailed before sleep claimed her. Olivia couldn't help but smile.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

**_Thanks once again for your continued support and encouragement for this story, it means so much._**

**_The updates will be slower than the rest of the story as I need to write them and it is getting to the very busy end of school year, in addition to having some personal issues. But I promise the story will be finished and updates will be regular. Having said that, those people reviewing just to tell me to update are not helping matters. I appreciate that you love the story but I will update as soon as I can, telling me to do it won't make it happen any faster and will just serve to annoy me._**

**_love Nettie_**

**_xoxoxox_**


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

Half an hour later Olivia was awoken by a hand caressing her face.

"Livia," Elliot whispered, kneeling down beside the sofa. "Hey, Liv."

"Mmmm, hi baby," she murmured, releasing Lizzie and caressing his face. "What are you doing up?"

"Was about to ask you the same thing," he replied, kissing her head. "What's up?" he asked pointing to his sleeping daughter. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's good," Olivia replied, a sleepy smile on her lips.

"Are you okay?" he asked, brushing her hair from her face.

"Yeah, I'm good too," she replied, rubbing his chest.

"Then why are you both down here in the middle of the night?" he asked, still unconvinced all was truly well.

"Lizzie wanted to talk and …" Olivia began, her hand resting on his chest.

"And you couldn't do it in daylight?" he asked, leaning forward.

"Apparently not, you and Dickie were always around," she answered. "And she needed some girl talk."

"Girl talk? As in make up and hairstyles? How could that not happen at a reasonable hour?" he protested quietly.

"Girl talk as in boys and k…" she began but stopped when Lizzie stirred. "Hey, baby, you awake?" she asked gently as Lizzie's eyes began to flutter. "Lizzie?"

"Mmmmha," Lizzie mumbled, trying to turn over but finding no room.

"I think it's time you went to bed," Elliot said, gently shaking his daughter.

"Too tired," she muttered with a deep sigh.

Elliot stood before scooping her up and carrying her back upstairs.

"Daddy, do you love me?" she asked, as she rested her head on his chest.

"Very much so, baby," he replied, kissing her head.

"I love you too," she said before yawning. "I'm glad you're my dad."

"I'm glad I'm your dad too. Now, into bed with you," he said, pulling back her covers. He lowered her into bed before covering her up. "Sleep well, baby," he said, kissing her forehead.

"I will … you know I don't really have the nightmares anymore," she admitted as her eyes closed.

"That's great to hear," Elliot replied smiling.

"But I think Livvy still does," she yawned.

"What makes you say that?" he asked as he sat down on the bed next to her.

"Where's Liv now?" Lizzie checked, sitting up, not wanting her to overhear the conversation.

"She's just gone into the bedroom," Elliot answered as Lizzie wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest.

"Livvy doesn't sleep, dad, not for any real length of time," she said quietly. "And she never looks any more or less tired, so I figure it's something that's been going on a while."

"We've all had our share of sleepless nights, Liz, the job isn't easy," he offered in Olivia's defence.

"Oh, I know," she agreed. "But there hasn't been one night I've spent at Olivia's, where there's just been us, that she hasn't been up at some time during the night. One of the nights she was actually baking my favourite muffins."

"She doesn't usually get up when I'm around," he said quietly.

"That's because she probably doesn't want you to know she's not sleeping," Lizzie said with a yawn.

"And it's every night?" he queried.

"Yep, she's always up at some stage, usually around three. That's why I set my alarm for 2:30 because I knew she'd be awake," Lizzie confessed. Elliot picked up the clock and checked the set time, he shook his head.

"Why don't you get some sleep now, kiddo," he said, kissing her head. He wanted to go and see Olivia.

"No, dad, there's something else," she said and Elliot turned back to her.

"What is it?" he asked, starting to feel nervous.

"You know how I've done those sessions with Marci," she began, referring to her counsellor.

"Yeah, I do," he nodded.

"And you know how it's made me feel better about stuff," she continued, and watched him nod again. "It's also made me realise something about Livvy," she whispered.

"And what's that, baby?" he whispered in reply.

"I think I'm doing so well because of Livvy and you and mum and even Dickie, you guys all love me and it's made it easier," she said, holding her dad closer.

"And we love you very much," he replied kissing her head.

"I know, and you always have," she nodded. "But it got me thinking about Liv and all she's been through, not just Sealview but her whole life and she's never had that."

"Never had what, Liz?" he asked, seeking clarification.

"Love … oh, I know you love her now but when she was little and her mom was being horrible, or if she had a bad day at work there was never anyone at home who loved her," she answered.

"Her mom probably loved her the best she could," Elliot countered.

"Yeah, but it's not the same as what I had, was it?" she asked but continued before Elliot could reply. "And I know your job's not easy but when you had a tough case you got to come home to us…I remember that if I was asleep you'd wake me up and kiss me and tell me how much you loved me. And if I was still awake you'd beg mom to let us stay up for an extra twenty minutes, and she'd always let us, and you'd always hug and kiss us and tickle us and we'd go to bed laughing."

Elliot smiled, there were many days when he was desperate just to get home and away from the dirt of his job and hold his children.

"And at the time I didn't think anything of it," Lizzie continued, "I was too young." Elliot chuckled slightly at just how mature his fifteen year old daughter had become, she definitely wasn't his little girl anymore. "But after talking to Marci about it I figured it was all about having people who loved you and doing what you had to do to get through the bad stuff."

"Yeah, we all do what we have to do and we're lucky we have each other," Elliot agreed.

"But not Liv, dad," she said. "I've got all you guys and you have us, but when things have been really bad for Livvy, after a bad case and especially after Sealview, she went home to no one, she's never had anyone … I'm lucky I have you and mom but she really didn't have parents, did she? Or big sisters to hug her? Or a brother to watch out for her? Or someone who just loved her and made her feel safe. It's no wonder she doesn't sleep. Imagine having all that in your head."

When Elliot failed to reply, Lizzie looked up at him, surprised to see the tears on his cheeks.

"Dad?" she called. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I am," he replied, shaking his head. "Just thinking…"

"About Livvy?" she asked.

"Who else?" he answered, his mind swirling.

"Dad, I think you have to fix things," she said, moving away and snuggling back under the covers.

"How do you suggest I do that, baby girl?" he asked almost rhetorically as he fixed her quilt.

"Marry her," Lizzie mumbled.

"Marry her?" he echoed.

"Yeah, and I call being bridesmaid."

Xxx

When his tears had dried, Elliot opened his bedroom door and silently entered the room, closing the door behind him. Olivia had drifted off to sleep and he leant back on the door and watched her. His heart ballooning with his love for her and yet constricting at the pain she must have endured over the years. It left him feeling ill.

He couldn't believe his daughter had summed up Olivia's sleeplessness so easily. While it was true his own childhood wasn't perfect, even on the worst of days with his father he still had his mother. She'd showered love and affection on him, trying to make up for the actions of her husband. He had always had his brothers and sisters and even though they had endured the normal sibling conflicts, he knew he could turn to each one of them in times of crisis.

Before he'd left high school he had Kathy and was never left to truly deal with bad times alone. Then it was the Marine Corps and while no one there was willing to hug or kiss the bad times away it was a brotherhood, something which created lifelong bonds. Even as a cop he had partners, always someone who had his back, and when the case was bad he got to go home and see life in the eyes of his children. Even after his divorce he still had the kids and that comforted him in ways he could never explain.

And through it all Olivia had no one.

Even through the decade as her partner, he had to concede she was there for him far more often than he could reciprocate.

It was then that it struck him just how very hard it would have been for Olivia to ask him to move in; just how much courage it took for her to allow him into her life that way. She had never had anyone she could love and trust and who she let love her back. And although he knew she hadn't always been lonely, she had, for the most part, always been alone.

Now, she was wanting him to be a part of her life, finally trusting someone else with the most fragile thing she had, her heart.

That was when his tears started again.

He couldn't remember ever having been entrusted with something so precious, or remember ever being so scared he wasn't up to the task. It was this final thought which broke him and sent him to his knees praying to God that he'd be what's best for her, that he would be worthy of her, that he wouldn't fuck this up.

"Elliot!" Olivia cried, jumping out of bed and rushing to him. "What is it? What's wrong?" She dropped to her knees and flung her arms around him. "Baby, sssh," she soothed, "sssssh!"

Elliot's hands wrapped around her and pulled her close, not caring that he couldn't breathe. "Elliot, are you okay? Are you sick? What is it?" she pleaded trying to pull back against his vice like grip.

"I'm okay," he choked into her hair. "I love you, Liv."

"Love you too, baby," she replied, moving her hands to his face. "What happened? Please talk to me," she begged, her own tears falling at his distress.

In time, Elliot calmed enough but he couldn't find the words to explain the emotions which were still threatening to overwhelm him. Realising another twenty minutes kneeling on the floor wasn't going to be helpful, Olivia stood, pulling him up as she did.

"Come back to bed, baby," she soothed, walking backwards.

"I'm sorry," he apologised, gently caressing her cheek.

"For what?" she asked, her hand capturing his and kissing it.

"For being a basket-case at … shit, it's nearly five," he said, shaking his head.

"I don't care what time it is," Olivia said, kneeling up on the bed, and tugging him to come with her. "I just want to know what happened."

Elliot climbed into bed and before he could settle, Olivia lay on top of him; her elbows resting on the bed beside his neck, her hands cradling his head. She kissed him twice.

"What happened, El?" she asked gently. "Is it Liz?" He shook his head. "Is it you?" Another shake. "Me?"

Elliot was at a loss, it was her, all her, but he didn't think he could explain it to her in anyway that would make sense.

Unfortunately, Olivia took his silence to mean yes and to draw her own conclusions, however wrong they were.

"Look, I'm sorry," she said, clambering to get off him and out of bed. "I shouldn't have asked you to move in. I should have known that this was too good to be true…" She was grabbing her jeans before Elliot realised what was happening.

"No, no!" he cried, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards him.

"No, it's okay, Elliot, it is," she said, trying to break his grip. "I'm going to go and we can talk about this later." She ducked her head to hide her tears.

"No!" he said firmly, taking hold of her. "Let me explain…"

"You don't…" she started.

"Please!!" he begged and she nodded.

Elliot wrapped her in his arms and sat back in his bed. He kissed her head, her forehead, her shoulder, while his brain went into overdrive. He didn't know how he could let her know just how much he was feeling right now.

Taking her hand, he placed it over his heart.

"You're right," he began, his voice breaking. "It was about you … but not how you think," he reassured as she tried to move from his grasp. "Lizzie explained to me how you weren't sleeping … and how she was … and why she was … and why you weren't … and what she had … and what I had … and what you didn't have and don't have … and I …I… realised that you asking me to move in was huge and that while it was something I wanted … and want ….you have to believe me when I say I want to spend all my days and nights with you… that…" he stopped, gasping for breath.

"Take it easy, El," Olivia said gently. "Breathe, baby."

"But you have to know," he continued in desperation before Olivia placed her fingers over his lips.

"Breathe first. You need some oxygen and you need to slow down, baby. I'm having trouble understanding," she whispered, leaning her forehead on his.

Several deep breaths later, and with a new resolve, Elliot began again.

"Just to recap," he began with an embarrassed grin. "I want to spend my life with you…"

"I'm glad to hear it," Olivia replied, kissing his cheek.

"It's just that it hit me that you've never let anyone into your life like this before and…" he explained as he entwined his fingers with hers.

"And you felt a bit overwhelmed?" Olivia offered.

"Yeah, something like that," he replied, resting his head on her shoulder..

"We can put a hold on the moving in thing," she suggested. "It's only been three months…"

"Well, actually, it's been a decade, Livia," he mumbled into her neck. She smiled.

"Yeah, I guess it has," she agreed.

"So, I'm more than ready to live with you. It seems we've been together forever anyway," he admitted, though he was not willing to disclose just how long he had been in love with her for.

"So why the freak out?" she asked, pulling back to look at him.

He took a deep breath, and then another one.

"I love you very much, Olivia," he began. "I can't remember what my life was like before you and I certainly can't imagine a future which doesn't revolve around you…" He kissed her forehead. "But the thing is, you see," he continued and she could feel her stomach sink. She couldn't believe she'd gotten this close to having what she always wanted – him, only to lose it. All her life she had thought others saw her as damaged goods, as not the loving kind, and she knew Elliot was just about to confirm it. After all, nothing good came after a 'but'.

When she realised he was still talking, she shook her head, trying to concentrate.

"Huh?" she said, trying to figure out what she'd missed. "What did you say after 'but'?"

"I said, 'but the thing is I want to be sure that this is what you want, that I am the best thing for you. I'm scared as hell I'm going to fuck this up and it's the last thing I want to do…I just want the best for you… the very best…"

"Elliot, you're what's best for me," she replied, hooking her hands around his neck and drawing him to her. "You are what I want, what I need, what I desire. You! It's always been you. Okay?"

He nodded slowly. "Okay."

Reaching in, she kissed him slowly and deeply.

"Do you know how much I love you, Liv?" he whispered hoarsely as the kiss broke.

"Yeah, I do," she replied, quite breathless.

"And I promise to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy and telling you just how much…" he continued.

"El," she interrupted. "Right now, I'd rather you stopped telling me and started showing me."

His eyes widened, Olivia just smiled and nodded. Many times over their three months together their physical contact had moved beyond just kissing but never had it reached the point it was at now.

"I'm sure," she added, reading his mind. And she was, more than sure, more than ready.

"Really?" he checked.

"Yes, and it would also make me exceptionally happy," she grinned. "But only if you want to," she added, shuffling over to her side of the bed. "No pressure."

Elliot had never been surer of anything in his life; he moved over to her and smiled at the truly happy look on her face. Something he couldn't recall seeing before. He could only imagine just how happy, and beautiful, she'd look after they'd made love.

No pressure, indeed!

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

**The last chapter was the least read and reviewed of them all, I'm not sure if this means it wasn't what was expected or whether it was something else...**

**Anyhow, it's been a crappy week, so I'll see what I can salvage from the weekend. Hope yours was much better!**

**love Nettie**

**xoxox**


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

They had exchanged one deep, very passionate kiss before Elliot's hand ventured under her top, moving as far as her breast. He caressed her tenderly before pulling back and checking she was alright.

She spoke before he did. "I promise you I'm good with this," she whispered.

"You sure?" he whispered in reply.

"Yeah, more than anything," she smiled but concern was still in his eyes. "I will also promise you that if, at any time, I'm not good with it, I will let you know. Okay?"

"Okay," he agreed. While it was true he wanted this more than anything he had to be absolutely sure Olivia wanted it too.  "Do we need a safety word?"

"What exactly do you plan to do, El, something exceptionally adventurous?" she quipped before breaking out in a grin.

"Well, no, I just thought…you know, in case you wanted me to stop…that you weren't okay …" he all but apologised.

"That's very sweet of you," Olivia replied kissing him once more and although she knew she wouldn't need it, she would agree to put his mind at ease. "What word do you want to use?"

"It's up to you," Elliot responded. "After all, it's for you."

"And what if you're the one who wants to stop?" she questioned raising an eyebrow.

"On my life, Liv, I would never want to stop, not with you, never." He kissed her nose.

 Olivia thought for a moment. "Cragen."

"You want our safety word to be 'Cragen'?" he asked in disbelief. She nodded. "Liv, I'm not sure I could deal with you calling out his name as we made love."

"Well, it would get your attention," she smiled, pulling him closer to her.

"Yes it would," he nodded. "Okay, Cragen it is." He shook his head; he had said it was up to her.

Having deftly removed Olivia's top by unbuttoning it before she realised, Elliot threw it to the bottom of the bed; revelling in the silky touch of her bare breasts upon his now bare chest. As his hands caressed her spine, he rolled onto his back, bringing her to lie on top of him.

Olivia cradled his head as she kissed him, her body moving in a way that had Elliot's whole body humming. Just as he reached his hands down and under the waist band of her pyjama bottoms, there was a banging on the door.

"Hey dad," Dickie called and Olivia groaned, rolling off him and pulling up the covers.

"Yeah?" Elliot called back, trying his best to sound sleepy rather than incredibly turned on.

"I'm gonna have a shower, I'll be ready to go in fifteen ... okay?" he replied before heading off to the bathroom.

"The joys of kids," he muttered as he turned to Olivia. "Now, where were we?" he asked as his hands slid back to her butt.

"You, Elliot, are about to get out of bed so you can take your son over to Mark Hobson's uncle's…" she replied, as her lips covered his.

"And why am I doing that at seven in the morning," he mumbled as her tongue danced along his lips.

"Because Mark's uncle is taking the boys to…" she began.

"Yeah, I remember something about that now," he sighed. "I'd rather stay here though."

"Want me to take him?" Olivia offered, sitting up to grab her top.

"Well, if you took him there'd be no reason for me to stay, now would there?" he smiled and kissed her gently. "You don't move … _I shall return_."

"Yes, Doug," she grinned as he climbed out of bed. "Don't be long."

At the halfway mark to their destination, Elliot turned down the radio and looked over to his son who was dozing in the passenger's seat.

"Hey, Dickie," he called, shaking him.

"What?" he replied with a grunt.

"I don't actually remember giving you permission for today," Elliot said, as he took a left hand turn.

"Mom did," Dickie yawned.

"When? She didn't say anything about it yesterday when I phoned her," he replied surprised. He had specifically asked if the twins had anything on in the coming days.

Dickie looked at his father momentarily confused. "Oh," he started, realising his error. "I meant Liv said yes, not mom."

"Liv gave you permission for this?" Elliot asked. "When?"

"When you were in the shower last night," Dickie explained. "Mark phoned and needed an answer there and then. Liv spoke to his uncle, asked about fifty more questions than mom ever would and then said yes. Is that a problem? I mean I did tell you about it when you got out of the shower…"

"No, no. No problem," Elliot answered, a strange sense of comfort descending on him. Olivia had made a parental decision for his son, and it felt right. And what's more, his son had just mistakenly called her mom. When this struck him, he had to swerve to correct his steering.

"You alright there, dad?" Dickie asked concerned.

"You called Liv mom," he replied, glancing at the boy.

"Yeah, about five minutes ago… guess the brain does slow down in old age," he chided.

"Hey, enough of that," Elliot warned. "Or I'll drop you off here and you can walk the rest of the way."

"Alright." Dickie threw his hands up in surrender.

Elliot said nothing for a minute as he waited for the lights to change to his favour.

"So, you called Liv mom," he repeated. "Anything you want to say?"

"Nope," Dickie replied. "It was a mistake… I guess…"

"You guess?" Elliot pounced.

"Well, she is, isn't she? Our step mom. I mean I know you're not married or anything but that's who she is to us, isn't she?" he questioned.

"Yeah, I guess she is," Elliot nodded.

"You guess?" Dickie pounced in return.

"She is," he said with greater confidence. "Have you been talking to Liz, by any chance?"

"About?" Dickie questioned.

"Your sister told me last night, or rather at some ungodly hour this morning, that I should marry Liv," Elliot explained.

"What did Liv say?" he asked, turning in his seat to watch his father.

"I haven't said anything to her," he replied quickly.

"She'd say yes if you asked her, you know," Dickie advised. "Girls love that type of thing."

"How did you become an expert?" Elliot asked, looking at his son. "Anything to do with Jessica Wright?"

"This is the house!" Dickie called; glad he didn't have to answer.

Elliot pulled over to the kerb and turned in his seat, pulling out his wallet.

"How much do you need?" he asked.

"This, this and this," Dickie replied, pulling the notes from their former home.

"You'll send me broke," Elliot laughed as his son went to get out of the car.

"Dad," he started, sitting back in and turning to him. "If you want to marry Liv, it's okay with me."

"Thanks, son," Elliot smiled, patting him on the back. "Thanks!"

When Elliot returned home nearly an hour later, he knew the chances of resuming things were nil as Lizzie would be around. But that didn't stop him heading straight to the bedroom when he arrived.

"Liv?" he called, opening the bedroom door.

"Right here," she replied, grabbing him from behind.

"I was hoping you'd still be in there," he nodded, turning in her arms.

"Well," she said, pushing him back into the room. "I am now."

He reached and shut the door behind her as she continued manoeuvring him towards the bed.

"This what you were hoping for?" she asked as she pushed him back onto the bed and climbed over the top of him.

"Yep," he grinned. "Except you'd be naked instead of clothed."

"Well, that I can't fix right now, Liz and I are about to go out," she sighed, leaning down to kiss him.

"Out," he mumbled. "Why? Where? How long?"

"Gonna wait for an answer, Stabler?" she asked, bracing herself on her arms.

"Sorry," he replied, pulling her back to him.

Olivia settled herself once more before speaking.

"Kathy was supposed to take Liz shopping this morning to buy a baby present for her niece, for this afternoon's baby shower they're attending, but she got called into work in the early hours so she can't do it. I said I'd take Liz and get the gift and Kathy's going to meet us at the house at 11:00. Then Liz will spend the day with her, after the shower they'll have dinner and go for a movie. So we won't see her back til very late."

"And Dickie won't be home til at least nine," Elliot chimed in.

"So, I figure we'll still have plenty of time to finish what we started, don't you?" she questioned, kissing him.

"I do," he nodded, smiling at his own choice of words.

One more kiss was all they could manage before Lizzie knocked on the door. "Bathroom's free, Livvy," she called.

"Thanks!" Olivia called back. "Guess I should go shower," she sighed rolling off him.

"Can I come wash your back?" he asked, grinning.

"Maybe later," she winked as she headed out the door.

Well after his favourite girls had bid him farewell, Elliot made himself a coffee and sat on the sofa, picking up the silver framed photo of himself and Olivia taken a month earlier at Kathleen's birthday.  He kissed his finger before placing it tenderly on Olivia's face, smiling at the memory of how beautiful she looked that night. She had been so nervous about attending because she was now Elliot's partner and the word 'work' had disappeared from the title. In a surprising twist of events, it had been Kathy who persuaded her to come.

It had been a great night, as evidenced by the genuine smile on both their faces. Smiles which gave no indication of the painful tears that would flow in the very early hours of the following morning when Olivia woke in fright. Elliot sat back, nursing his coffee and it all came flooding back.

_It had been a great evening and Olivia had been happy and comfortable the whole time. Elliot had watched her intently for any signs she didn't want to be there but it never came. She had chatted brightly the whole way home and had fallen asleep quickly, something she rarely did.  Elliot had snuggled in behind her and Olivia had sighed contentedly as his arm surrounded her. _

_Less than an hour later Olivia was screaming blue murder and hitting and kicking out at him desperate to be free of his touch.  _

_Elliot had hit the floor hard, hurting his arm, before he even realised what was happening. Quickly, he got to his feet as Olivia continued to thrash around in distress, the bed clothes tangling tightly around her._

_"Liv! Olivia!" he shouted, trying to wake her without touching her for fear of causing more harm. His attempts failed. This time he called again, reaching out to grab her arm which was flailing in the air. "Wake up, Olivia!' he commanded. He grabbed her other hand after it connected with his face and restrained it. Her resistance to him causing shooting pains up his injured arm. "Please, wake up!" he pleaded in desperation._

_Suddenly, Olivia awoke, bolting upright and headbutting him in the process._

_"It's okay, Liv," he soothed, "It's okay. You had a nightmare. You're safe now, baby, you're safe." Her breathing was sharp and ragged as she tried to focus on his voice. "You're safe, Livvy, just breathe. It was a bad dream." He continued to talk as he waited for her to calm._

_"I'm okay," she finally said, looking up to him. "Bad dream."_

_"Yeah, baby, it was a bad dream," he agreed, sitting down on the bedside, pulling the tangled sheets from around her._

_"I'm safe," she continued. "Just a dream."_

_"That's right, Liv, you're okay." When he pulled away the last of the restrictive sheet Olivia climbed onto his lap. _

_"Don't let me go," she whispered into his neck as she gripped him fiercely._

_"Never, Liv, I'll never let you go."_

_They sat that way for a long time until Olivia decided she needed a shower and to rid herself of her sweat stained nightwear. Elliot was going to protest that it was nearly three in the morning but thought better of it. He was just grateful there was no one else in the house._

_By the time Olivia had returned to the bedroom, Elliot had stripped and remade the bed in fresh sheets and changed his own boxers and beater, not wanting to leave any trace of the incident.  He was sitting up in bed flexing his very sore wrist when Olivia reappeared._

_"What's wrong with your arm?" she asked, sliding into bed beside him._

_"Nothing," he replied turning to face her._

_"Your face!" she exclaimed. "Did I hit you?"_

_"Yeah," he nodded, he knew better than to lie to her, especially at times like this._

_"And your wrist? Was that me too?" she asked, gently taking his arm in her hand._

_"Well, no so much you, but landing on the floor," he said quietly as she trailed kisses from his fingertips to elbow._

_"I'm so sorry," she whispered, before reaching up and kissing the red hand print on his left cheek. "So sorry."_

_"I know, baby. It's okay, no real damage done," he smiled, kissing her head._

_"When's it all going to stop?" she asked as she nestled herself into his side. "It was bad enough when it happened, does it need to keep invading my nights?" _

_"It will stop in time, Livia," he tried to reassure her, kissing her head. He still didn't know everything that had happened; she'd never been able to bring herself to tell him. But he had vowed he would never push her, after all, it had taken him a lifetime to talk to her about his father, he could give her all the time she needed, regardless of how much it pained him._

_Olivia swung her legs over his and huddled as close as she possibly could, burying her head in his chest._

_"El, can I tell you about it?" she asked quietly._

_"Of course you can," he replied, holding her tighter._

_It had taken her twenty minutes to retell the events in that basement. She told him of being handcuffed, of the stained mattress on the floor. She told him of the fear she had experienced and the horror she felt when she realised she wouldn't be able to escape. She told him how she had screamed and kicked out in a desperate attempt to gain attention and get free.  She told him how she had been forced to stop screaming as he had her cornered and had lowered his zip, freeing himself. She told him how screaming was then impossible as he tried desperately to get her lips around his stiffened dick. She told him how she had never felt so alone or dirty as when she realised she was going to be raped and how relieved she felt when Fin burst in. Finally she told him how sickened she had been by the whole thing and how it had left her feeling worthless and useless._

_Through it all Elliot said nothing; his hand had caressed her arm the entire time, his head had rested on hers as she spoke. Never once had she looked up, never once had she questioned his silence._

_It was only once she'd finished and had taken a few moments to compose herself, she finally found the strength to face him. Slowly, she reclined back in his arms, her hand caressing his face as she raised it before wiping away his tears._

_"I love you so much, Olivia Benson," were his first words. "Nothing will ever change that."_

_She smiled, through her own tears. "You sure you still do? After all that?"_

_"If it was at all possible, I'd love you even more," he reassured, kissing her forehead. "I am so sorry you had to go through it."_

_"Me too," she agreed._

_"It was never your fault, you know that, right?" he asked, tilting his head to gain eye contact._

_"Yeah, I do now," she nodded as he wiped her tears._

_"And you weren't then and will never be worthless or useless," he continued, two attributes he was very familiar with._

_"And neither are you," she whispered, kissing his forehead._

_"And you'll never be alone either, you'll always have me. You had me then too; you do know that, don't you? You've always had me," he whispered, a sob threatening to steal his voice completely._

_"I knew but I … " her voice left her._

_"But you didn't want me knowing… for all the reasons we've already talked about?" he offered and she nodded._

_Although Olivia had fallen asleep about half an hour later, Elliot cradled her in his arms until dawn filtered through the curtains, it was only then he laid her down beside him and let himself sleep; daylight finally chasing the night terrors away.._

Elliot shook his head and wiped away the tears on his cheeks as he replaced the photograph. He never knew loving one person could be the most joyous and painful experience of his life.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

**_Thanks for your support of this story - 512 reviews and going strong. _**

**_A special thanks to those who've sent lovely and supportive messages this week, they were much appreciated... and needed._**

**love Nettie**

**xoxox**


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**_I've updated sooner than expected as I figured you'd already waited 16 chapters ... thanks for your support._**

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

Elliot picked up the photo next to the one he had just replaced It had been taken at his farewell from SVU, two months earlier and was just the gang. They'd gone out for dinner and drinks, nothing fancy, nothing formal. Just the way he wanted.

In the discussions Elliot and Olivia had had before going to see Don Cragen, it was Olivia who was to transfer out. She wanted a respite from sex crimes and the emotions it was stirring in her and thought homicide was for her. There was far less emotional trauma as the victim was already dead and the perpetrator was usually long gone. Elliot had agreed, willing to let her deal with things the best way she knew how.

However, when they went into Cragen's office, everything changed. They had begun by explaining to their boss why a transfer was necessary and Don was surprised. Not by the fact the two were now in a relationship, albeit a very new one, but because they had finally realised what he had seen coming for years. Olivia explained how she was the one who wanted to request a transfer to the opening in homicide. While Don wasn't happy to be losing her he understood that it had to be done and, knowing from Fin that something had happened in Sealview, realised that Olivia leaving was probably the best thing for her.

Then things went pear-shaped.

_"Okay," Don said, reaching behind him for the necessary forms. "Let's get this underway…"_

_Before Olivia could put pen to paper, Elliot took the pen from her and put it back on the desk, his face paling. It had all seemed so right in theory, her going, him staying. But now, as it was only the stroke of a pen away, it hit him that it was going to be problematic._

_"Something wrong, son?" Don asked, standing by his desk._

_"El?" Olivia questioned, turning and taking his hand. "What is it?"_

_"I know we talked about this," he said to Olivia, "and I have no issue with you transferring… but I … I just don't think I can be here either," he said reluctantly, looking at Olivia before glancing up at his boss._

_"Why?" Olivia asked gently._

_"You want me to give you a few minutes?" Don offered, normally he wouldn't like the time wasting but Elliot's eyes clearly told of his distress and inner turmoil and Don wanted to do all he could to support him._

_"No, it's okay," Elliot said, locking his fingers with Olivia's. "You can hear this." He smiled at Olivia first before taking a deep breath. _

_"I've been doing this job for a while now and the child vics always got to me … always made me think of my four and how I would feel if it was one of them… and now it has been and I don't know if I can deal with that … out there," he stopped as Don came and sat on the front of his desk._

_"We all know I've had my share of anger management issues …" he continued. "And I just can't see myself being calm and objective when some perverted son-of-a-bitch messes with his step –daughter or when …" his voice trailed as he looked at Olivia, she knew the rest of the sentence in an instant. He wouldn't be able to work with victims that reminded him of her._

_"You do need to change," she soothed, not wanting him to voice it. "You've done your job here, El, you owe the unit nothing, you need to change."_

_"Liv's right, El, you do need to change, thing is the only current vacancy in this vicinity is the homicide one," Don said, standing up once more._

_"You take it, Elliot," Olivia offered, squeezing his hand._

_"But you need the change too," he countered. "You need to get away from these cases as well."_

_"I'll be okay here and I'll be better knowing that you're okay there," she said, raising his hand to kiss it._

_"You sure?" he questioned, looking deeply into her eyes._

_"Positive," she smiled, before turning back to Don. "That's okay with you, right? I can come back?"_

_"It's like you've never left," he winked, handing the transfer papers to Elliot. "I will hate to see you go, son, but I do understand." He offered his hand. "Don't be a stranger." Elliot stood and shook his hand before taking him in an embrace._

_"Thanks, Don," he said. "Promise me you'll look after Liv."_

_"Promise."_

By the time Olivia returned home, Elliot was asleep on the sofa, the photo he'd been holding clutched to his chest. She deposited her bag and shopping purchases on the floor nearby and lay down with him.

"This spot taken?" she asked as he stirred.

"Mmmno," he mumbled as she picked up the picture so she could be wrapped in his arms.

"Taking a trip down memory lane, El?" she asked as she reached behind her to deposit the frame on the side table.

"Something like that," he replied, readjusting them so Olivia wasn't perched on the edge.

"You miss being there?" she questioned as she snuggled into him.

"Miss being with you all day," he replied, kissing her head.

"Miss you too," she responded kissing his chest.

They lay there a little longer, before Elliot spoke.

"Did you find what you were looking for at the mall?" he yawned.

"Yeah, Lizzie picked a mauve jumpsuit and shawl, very cute," Olivia answered.

"Mauve? That's in the purple family, right?" he asked, stroking her head.

"Yes, El, it's a paler, softer version," she smiled. "Oh, and I got something else in the 'purple family'." She pointed to the paper shopping bag with Victoria's Secret emblazoned across it.

"I love it already," he grinned as she reached to grab the bag.

"You haven't seen me in it yet," Olivia replied.

"Don't care; I'd rather see you out of it anyway," he chided as his hand dipped into the bag and retrieved the silky items. It was a very sheer panty and teddy camisole set in lilac. He swallowed audibly. "I …ah…well…god, Liv…" Although the items left very little to the imagine his imagine seemed to be spinning out of control.

"You like?" she sassed, sitting up on the edge.

"Very much…just one thing though," he began, sitting up alongside her. "My daughter … she wasn't with you when you… well, when you got them, was she?"

"No," Olivia laughed. "Picked it up on the way home."

Elliot ran his fingers along the delicate lace trim before handing them back to her.

"Well, I guess you should have them," he said, offering them to her.

"Well, I guess if I have them I should wear them," she winked, standing up and moving across the room.

"I guess you should," he replied, following her to the foot of the stairs.

"But you know what I was thinking," she started, taking his hand and walking backwards upstairs.

"What?" he replied, reaching up for a kiss.

"That it may be a waste of time," she grinned. "I mean it's gorgeous and all but it would mean I'd have to get undressed, then dressed, then undressed."

"That would waste a bit of time," he agreed.

"And given that we'd already started things before we got interrupted, maybe we should just start from there… and leave these for another time." She couldn't help but smile at the huge grin and rapid nodding coming from him.

This time there was no doubt in Elliot's mind, no need to check or double check. He was more than aware at just how much of a willing participant she was as she pulled at his top and started undressing him before they'd even got to the bedroom.

"I believe you were naked," she said, as her hands moved to his waist band.

"Well, I wasn't but this doesn't have to be an exact re-enactment," he said as he stepped out of his sweat pants, his hands reaching for her shirt.

"Oh, I agree," said Olivia as she shrugged out of the garment.

When her jeans hit the floor she stepped out of them and pulled Elliot towards her, and then onto her as she fell back onto the bed.

"Finally got you where I want you," she murmured as he kissed her neck.

"I could say the same thing," he replied edging his way up to her ear.

"Do you know how much I love you, Elliot?" she whispered as his lips brushed over hers.

"Yes I do, Livia," he replied, kissing her quickly. "Love you so much, baby."

"Mmmha," she mumbled into his mouth.

Their actions were slow and rhythmic, their touches tender and gentle, both more than willing to pour their love into the other. It was a beautiful expression of the mutual love and respect they had for each other but it wasn't really what either was expecting. Realising Elliot seemed a little hesitant Olivia pulled back.

"El," she whispered breathlessly, "you okay?" He grinned his reply. "Okay," she nodded.

"Why? Something wrong?" he asked, rolling over and pulling her on top of him.

"I don't know," she replied, propping herself up on her forearms to look at him. "I mean this is nice and all but …"

"But you were expecting something more than 'nice'?" he asked, his hands caressing her hips.

"Yeah, I guess I imagined our first time to be a bit more … I don't know … fast and furious…" she admitted, tilting her head.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," he replied, a soft chuckle in his voice. "I wasn't anticipating the 'niceness' either."

"Why do you think it's happening?" Olivia asked as her hand rubbed his chest.

"Not sure, but I guess I just wanted it to be so perfect for you … you know, just tender and loving …" he said, gazing into her eyes.

"So, you're going slow and denying all your urges just to go for it in a blaze of glory?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, something like that, sorry," he apologised closing his eyes.

Olivia wriggled up his body and kissed his nose.

"Thank you," she whispered, kissing him again. His eyes opened.

"For what?" he asked, his arms now wrapped around her.

"For making our first time so sweet and tender," she answered, her eyes gleaming.

"Oh, well, yeah," he stammered, a blush colouring his cheeks. "You're welcome."

"But this time, no holding back, yeah?" she prompted, his eyes widened. "I like nice and sweet but I think I'd prefer raw and passionate … you up for it, Stabler?" she quizzed.

"Damn right I'm up for it," he replied, quickly tossing them over and landing on top of her.

Olivia got her wish.

Again.

And again.

And again.

When the phone rang just after seven, Olivia wearily reached out the arm which had been on Elliot's chest and felt for the receiver.

"Stabler Residence," she mumbled. "Yes, aha, when? Sure. Nothing much. Okay. Love you."

She dropped the receiver back on the cradle and repositioned herself once more.

"Who was that?" Elliot muttered, as his hand came up to find hers.

"Dickie…won't be home till tomorrow … after lunch…" she related, her eyes fluttering closed.

"Mmmha," he nodded, his chin rubbing along her cheek. "Home after lunch, okay."

"Lunch," she echoed. "We missed lunch …" Slowly she forced her eyes open. "And if we don't do something soon we'll have missed dinner."

"Mmmha," he replied as the phone rang again. This time he answered it, not even bothering to open his eyes. "Yeah, hi baby, sure. Great. When? Okay. Love you."

After replacing the receiver Elliot opened his eyes and grinned.

"Snap," he laughed.

"Snap?" Olivia questioned.

"Lizzie's staying with Kathy overnight, won't be home til after lunch tomorrow," he grinned.

"You know what that means?" she asked, rolling off him and onto the bed.

"That I have you all to myself for at least another seventeen hours," he smiled rolling onto her. "Imagine what we could do with those seventeen hours."

"Imagine!" she grinned as he commenced an exploration of her body with his lips and tongue.

She stopped him when he got to her belly button.

"Babe, as much as I'm loving this, and I am… I think you need to feed me first … I'm starving…" she said stretching and trying to sit up.

"Food? You are thinking of food now?" he asked as he moved back up her body.

"Yes… Italian I think…" she nodded, reaching for the phonebook. "Know any good places who deliver?"

"Italian? Not really, Liv …why does it have to be Italian?" he asked, giving up on his previous activities.

"Pasta, pizza, full of carbohydrates … will give me lots of energy to get through those seventeen hours and everything you plan to do to me… or me to you…" she sassed.

Elliot grabbed the phone, dialled the first number he found in the phonebook and ordered anything Italian he could remotely remember Olivia ever having eaten or mentioning along with a some extras, just in case, and topping it off with a couple of different tubs of gelato.

As he was giving the delivery and credit card details Olivia climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

"I'll let you wash my back this time," she called as she reached the door. "And maybe some other things…" She laughed as she heard him groan and then try to explain it to the restaurant.

Elliot concluded the call quickly and headed straight for the bathroom.

"Room for one more?" he asked and stepped in without waiting for an answer. He ran his hands over Olivia's back before turning her to face him. It was only then he realised she was crying.

"What is it, Liv?" he asked, gently tugging her from under the shower spray and to him. She shook her head. "It's nothing," she replied, smiling.

"Tell me," he said, holding her tighter. "Please."

"They're good tears, El," she answered, her arms surrounding him.

"Good tears?" he echoed.

"Yeah, it's just for the first time, in a long time, maybe ever, I'm happy …" she said, the tears falling again.

"And that's a reason to cry?" he asked, leaning down and kissing the tears away.

"Yeah, I'm just feeling a little overcome by this sense of … of…" her voice trailed as Elliot pressed close to her.

"Of this feeling so right?" he offered.

"Yeah," she nodded into his chest. "Silly, isn't it?"

"No, baby," he replied, lifting her chin so he could look at her. "It's exactly how I'm feeling.

Olivia looked up to find Elliot's eyes brimming with tears.

Nothing else was said as she pulled his head down to hers and kissed him so forcefully she ended up stumbling backwards, dragging them both under the water. The heavy stream of pounding hot water was no match to the heat they were generating. Elliot steadied Olivia against the wall and was considering his next move, when she surprised him by hoisting herself up and hooking her leg as high on his body as she could, leaving him in little doubt as to what he should do.

Needing no other prompting, Elliot took her there and then, hard and fast against the wall. Keeping one hand behind her head to save injury, and one hand braced on the wall, Elliot held back nothing as he made her come twice. Olivia's nails breaking the skin on his back as she screamed out his name repeatedly.

Long before either had recovered sufficiently, the doorbell sounded with their order.

"I'll go," he whispered hoarsely, kissing her.

"Good," Olivia sighed from her seated position on the edge of the tub. "Don't think I could make it."

"Love you," he said, kissing her head and stepping out as the doorbell sounded again.

Elliot had been downstairs nearly ten minutes and had called Olivia twice before he headed back upstairs to find her. He didn't know what to make of it when he found her half laughing, half crying on the third step from the top.

"Liv?" he said, moving towards her. "You okay?"

"Aha," she giggled, swiping at her tears.

"What's happening?" he asked, standing in front of her.

"Um, oh… well," she started before giggling again.

"Olivia, what?" he asked, more than concerned by her actions.

"I think you've killed me," she laughed, grabbing onto his hands.

"Killed you?" he choked. "How?"

"I can't walk," she laughed. "My legs feel like jelly. I fell here and I can't get up."

"And why do you think that is?" he asked, not really seeing the humour.

"Well, I don't think my hamstrings were ever designed for that last thing we did…" she replied. "I think I just … um… overstretched or that you overstretched me more like it."

Elliot laughed. "Well, I've got the answer," he replied, grinning widely, before scooping her up and carrying her downstairs in a fireman's lift.

**xoxoxinnocencexoxox**

**Due to other circumstances, I won't be updating til at least next weekend (8-9 Nov), also replies to reviews may be delayed, so I'll thank you now in advance. I have the next chapter written and I think there may only be two after that.**

**love Nettie**

**xoxox**


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**xoxoinnocenceoxox**

Still hanging over Elliot's shoulder and after only making a half hearted attempt to protest, Olivia realised she was in the perfect position to look closely at the butt she had spent many years watching from afar. She hung her arms down and eased her fingers under the waistband of his sweats as he crossed the living room.

"After dinner," he chided, slapping her butt as he approached the table. "Now, where do you want to sit?" he asked standing in front of one chair.

"Well," she replied as he carefully eased her back down.

Rather than her feet hitting the floor as he'd anticipated, Olivia wrapped her legs around him before using her heel to hit the back of his knee hard and cause him to collapse onto the chair. "I think I'd be comfortable sitting right here," she muttered, pressing hard against him as she kissed his neck.

"I have no objection," he grinned as he settled himself into the seat. "Might make it difficult to eat though." He nodded towards the food laden table.

Reluctantly, Olivia turned her head and smiled when she saw the quantity.

"You planning on feeding an army, El?" she chuckled.

"Nope," he grinned. "Just planning on satisfying you every which way I can."

Olivia grinned. "It's working, oh god, it's working," she replied, slipping off his lap and onto her own chair. He missed her instantly.

After devouring the pizza, a portion of lasagne and herb bread, Olivia sat back and sighed contentedly. "God, that was so, so good!" Elliot looked at her funny. "What?"

"Well," he began, getting out of his chair. "I don't know whether I should be offended that you used those exact same words to me just a few hours ago…"

"They were appropriate then too," she grinned as he kissed her head.

"So, you're equating sex with me to pizza?" he questioned as he began clearing the table.

"Well, it was a good pizza," Olivia replied, following him into the kitchen.

"Humph," he grumbled trying to maintain a disgruntled demeanour.

"You're not really offended are you?" she asked, wrapping her arms around him from behind.

"No," he answered, turning around in her arms. "Just better have been a damn good pizza."

"Oh El, it was," she gushed with exaggerated enthusiasm. "The best pizza I've ever had … the best pizza anyone has ever made … the best pizza…" It was Elliot's tongue in her mouth which stopped her from continuing.

Having watched Olivia half stumble, half stagger around the kitchen with her leg muscles still not cooperating fully, Elliot decided a couple of hours curled up on the sofa watching some inane show was probably a wiser move than a repeat performance of their earlier activities.

Olivia was a little surprised coming back from the bathroom to find him sprawled out on the sofa with the remote control in hand. She was sure they'd be headed straight back upstairs.

She lay down, cuddling into him. "What are you doing?"

"Thought we'd watch a movie," he replied, kissing her forehead.

"Oh okay," she sighed, "which one?"

"You got a preference?" he asked, muting the television.

"Nope," she sighed again, feeling very full and very tired.

"Liv?" he called, raising her head and smiling at the sleepy face he found.

"What?" she mumbled.

"You can't really watch from that position," he reminded her gently.

"I can see everything important from right here," she replied before kissing his cheek. He stared at her for a while. "What?"

"Nothing, baby," he replied, kissing her head and pulling her in close. "Love you."

Ensuring the volume was on low; Elliot found the sports channel and dropped the remote on the floor so he could hold her more securely. He grinned as Olivia mumbled incoherently into his chest and pressed in tighter. He kissed her again and at sometime later drifted off to sleep himself.

When he awoke, a little before eleven, Elliot smiled when he realised Olivia was still asleep and hadn't moved the whole time. He thought this was a good sign and figured that maybe, just maybe, tonight would be the first time she slept through the night; that there'd be no 3:00 AM wake up.

Deciding that he'd rather stay put than risk waking her up, Elliot grabbed the throw rug from the back of the sofa and carefully draped it over them both. Olivia mumbled as the edge brushed her face but quickly quietened as Elliot's lips pressed onto her head. Content that she was fully asleep, Elliot let himself succumb to his own fatigue.

With the feeling something was missing, or rather someone was missing, Elliot forced his eyes opened and didn't bother to check the time. Olivia wasn't there so it must have been around three. He sat up as he saw her coming back towards him.

"You're awake, babe," she said as she sat facing him.

"So are you," he replied.

"Bathroom," she smiled, but frowned when she realised he was looking at her oddly. "What?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "Want to head up?"

"Can I bring the gelato?" she asked, standing up, holding up the tub and spoon.

"You can bring anything you like," he answered, and it seemed a little abrupt to Olivia's ears.

"El, everything alright?" she checked. She'd seen him tired and grumpy on more occasions than she could count but this time it just seemed different.

"Yeah, just tired," he replied, tossing the throw rug to the bottom of the sofa and turning off the television.

He waited for Olivia toreach the stairs before turning off the lights and following her up. Returning from the bathroom, he smiled as he saw her sitting up in bed, legs crossed, eating her dessert.

"You're staring again, Elliot," she said as he closed the door.

"Sorry," he replied, as he slipped into bed. She put the tub and spoon on the side table and turned to face him.

"Want to tell me now?" she asked, rubbing his shoulder.

"Tell you what?" he countered, laying on his side to face her.

"I get the feeling you're not happy with me … and I can't figure it out," she admitted.

"Why wouldn't I be happy?" he questioned. "It's been the best fricken day of my life," he grinned.

"Mine too," she agreed. "But still…" her voice trailed and Elliot decided that the truth was always going to be the best thing.

"I guess there is something," he acknowledged, dragging himself up. "You're always awake at this time … every night…"

"You keeping tabs?" she asked with an eyebrow raised.

"No … well, sort of," he admitted, not wanting to say it was his daughter. "Anyway, I just thought … you know ... after today … expending so much energy … that maybe …"

"I'd sleep through the night?" she offered. "You figured that since you wore me out I should sleep through til morning?"

Olivia didn't know whether to laugh or cry as she watched his face. He didn't know whether to be embarrassed she'd figured it out or proud he'd worn her out or annoyed she hadn't slept through the night.

"El, you do know my not sleeping is not a new thing, don't you?" she asked as she edged closer to him.

"How not new?" he countered.

"I can't say I've slept through the night, without the aid of intoxication, since I was … maybe six," she said, matter-of-factly.

"Six?" he questioned, surprised. "You haven't slept through the night in thirty odd years?"

"No, I haven't. So while the job and crap like Sealview and that don't help, it's a lifelong thing, it's just me," she said, taking hold of his hands. "It's a habit I can't seem to break; it's happened for so long that it's just become part of me. Can you understand that?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I guess I can … I just thought if I loved you enough, maybe it would change," he said, sadly.

"And maybe it will, baby," she said gently. "But for now, you've just got to know that I am happy, really happy and I know I'm truly loved."

"Okay," he nodded as she crawled into his arms. "Can I ask you a question, Livia?"

"Sure," she said as he lay with her on the bed.

"Why three o'clock? Why since you were six?" he asked, his hand raking through her tangled brown locks.

"Well, that's two questions, El," she chuckled.

"You don't have to answer them," he said, not wanting to bring up anything she was trying to forget.

"It's okay," she said reassuringly, her head resting in the crook of his neck. "When I was six we moved into yet another apartment building and two blocks away was a bar which didn't close til two. Mum would go most nights and stay til closing and then it all depended on how wasted she was as to what time she'd stagger in. Most nights it took her at least half an hour, but she'd always be home by three. I guess it's just ingrained in my brain that I have to be awake at three to check that things are as they should be."

"You were six and she'd leave you alone?" he asked in disbelief. Maureen was thirteen before he'd agreed that she could stay home alone one Sunday afternoon, and even then he'd nearly had a coronary at the thought.

"Yeah, and I know it's young but I came to realise I was probably safer with her drinking at the bar than drinking at home," she said, yawning and stretching in his arms.

"I promise you, Olivia, that one day you will sleep through the night and not have to wake up to check," he vowed, kissing her forehead.

"That's a big promise, Elliot," Olivia sighed.

"Well, I intend to keep it," he said, crossing his hand over his heart. "I don't care if it takes me til I'm old and grey."

Olivia laughed.

"El, baby," she said gently. "There's grey here now," she said, running her fingers through his hair. "And according to Dickie you're already old."

"He really thinks I'm ready for the retirement home, doesn't he?" Elliot sighed.

"He's just teasing, El. He knows it gets a reaction," Olivia said gently.

"Mmm," he nodded, not so sure.

"And if it wasn't so totally inappropriate, I'd tell him there's nothing old about his dad … that he has the strength and stamina and skills men half his age would be jealous of," she whispered, leaning in to brush his lips with hers.

"You just saying that to make me feel better?" he pouted.

"No, I'm saying it because you are absolutely incredible and that's out of the bedroom … in the bedroom, well, I mean … I always figured you'd be … well, you know, amazing, but, baby, I gotta say, wow," she grinned and kissed him again.

"You're not so bad yourself, Liv," he replied as she moved on top of him.

"Aw, gee, so romantic, Stabler," she said, framing his face with her hands.

Elliot locked his fingers together behind her head before gently pulling it towards him.

Just as she thought he'd say something a little more romantic her, he let her go. "Gelato!"

"Gelato?" she echoed. "Not exactly what I was anticipating…"

"It'll melt sitting there, if it hasn't already," he said, nodding to the tub.

"I'm about to kiss you and you're thinking of gelato," she said, shaking her head.

"You know what else I'm thinking?" he grinned broadly.

"I'm sure I do," she grinned reaching over to grab the tub. "You know what I'm thinking?"

"No, what?" he asked as he watched with increasing alarm the tub waving in her hand.

"Oops!" she said as she upended the now semi liquid but still cold concoction on his bare chest. He jumped at the sudden chill.

"Liv!" he all but squealed.

"Sorry," she pouted. "It was an accident."

"More like accidentally on purpose," he smiled. "How do you intend to fix this?"

"Well, I could use the spoon …" she suggested.

"That could hurt," he countered.

"Or I could grab a towel," she continued.

"It will have dripped everywhere by then," he mock complained.

"Or …" her voice trailed as her mouth found a way to clean up the mess to which Elliot had no objections at all.

**xoxoinnocenceoxox **


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

For Dancing Phalanges, thanks for the PM!

**xoxoinnocenceoxox**

It was two weeks later when Elliot hung the last of his clothes in Olivia's wardrobe. The arrangements had been easy enough and the move simple. Kathy and the twins would live at his house for the summer and then further decisions would be made. With no real extra travelling time to her workplace, Kathy thought it would be worth it, just to see if she could get into a regular sleeping pattern with the twins around.

Given there was no real move involved, all Elliot needed was his clothes and some toiletries and he was right at home at Olivia's. Although, as he told Olivia when she complained about the hanging space he needed, he had no problem ditching the clothes and spending his entire time with her naked; something which she faithfully promised to ensure happened as often as possible.

"Honey, I'm home," he said, returning to find her in the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck.

"All settled then?" she asked, turning in his arms and hooking her own around his neck.

"Yep, I'm all yours," he grinned kissing her.

"May I say," she started quietly, before kissing him briefly. "About bloody time! Do you know how long I have imagined this day … when you are all mine?"

"How long, Olivia?" he questioned, a twinkle in his eyes. "Weeks? Months? Years?"

"Yep," she agreed, kissing him again.

"Going to give me a timeline?" he asked. "Just how long have you been coveting my body?"

"For as long as you've wanted mine," she grinned, pressing into him.

"Oh, that long," he smiled.

He kissed her thoroughly and they consummated their new arrangement not twenty minutes later and another thirty minutes after that they went for an encore performance.

"Well," Elliot yawned and stretched on the cramped sofa. "That christens the kitchen and living room, what's say we try to make it to the bedroom next time."

"I was trying to do that, you were the one who insisted he couldn't wait," Olivia answered back.

"Well, you're the one who was undressing me when I was in the kitchen," he said by way of defence.

"Well, that's only because you kissed me so well I thought I was going to come there and then," she said, knowing it was a weak defence.

"Wow," he smirked. "You were going to come from a kiss, I must be good."

"Attitude like that, mister," she began as she disentangled her limbs from his and got up from the sofa, "won't get you far."

"It already has," he replied, jumping up and grabbing hold of her.

In one swift move he'd swept her off her feet.

"You know what I am planning on doing?" he grinned as he headed towards her bedroom.

"No, what?" she replied.

"Guess, Liv?" he said, throwing her onto the bed.

"No idea," she answered, scooting out of the way.

"Oh, no idea, hey?" he said grabbing onto her. "Let me cue you in." He kissed her deeply, as he manoeuvred his body over hers. Finally needing air, he pulled back and grinned at her. "Figured it out?"

Their first night living together had been everything Olivia had wished for, and then some. She couldn't help but smile as she busied herself in the kitchen fixing Sunday brunch for them as Elliot showered.

"You must be happy," he said, sneaking in a kiss. "You're humming."

"I am happy, very happy. You?" she asked, popping a strawberry into his mouth.

"Mmha," he nodded, biting down on the juicy fruit. Olivia stepped forward and kissed him before licking the juice from his lips.

"Mmm," she sighed, this was certainly the life she wanted; just her, him and lazy Sundays.

Curled up on the sofa a few hours later, Olivia smiled sleepily at Elliot as his fingers raked through her hair.

"Whatcha thinking?" he asked, leaning in to kiss her forehead.

"That this is perfect," she smiled.

"You know what would make it more perfect?" he asked, rubbing her nose with his.

"What?" she grinned, hooking her arm around his neck and keeping him close.

Anything Elliot was going to say was lost in the screaming match taking place outside the door.

"Are our neighbours normally like this?" he asked, testing out the 'our' concept. Olivia moved to sit up.

"No, they're not… but they're not our neighbours either," she replied moving to the door. "They're our twins…" Olivia said, emphasising the same word.

"The twins!" Elliot jumped up and was at the door before her.

Swinging open the door, Elliot yelled for them to stop. It had little effect. Dickie stormed past him and straight to Olivia.

"You tell her it is a big deal and she should have told me," he yelled into Olivia's face.

"You tell him it's my life and I can do whatever the hell I like," Lizzie yelled at Elliot.

"No fucking way!" Dickie screamed turning to face his twin. "Not going to happen."

"Hey!" Elliot roared over the two of them. His twins had had their fair share of arguments over the year but certainly nothing like he was witnessing now. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Lizzie said, storming away. "He just wants to run my life."

"Dickie?" Olivia asked, grabbing his arm as he attempted to follow Lizzie. "What happened?"

"That pervert has been texting her," he began and both Olivia and Elliot interrupted.

"What?!"

"He has been texting her … telling her how sorry he is … how he wants to see her to apologise…" Dickie ranted.

"And you only know that because you took my phone. You had no right to read my messages," Lizzie yelled.

"Lizzie," Elliot said slowly, moving towards his daughter. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I wanted to handle it on my own," she replied, somewhat calmer.

"How long has this been going on?" he asked, standing in front of her and blocking her view of her brother.

"Since last Saturday," she answered. "I didn't reply to him, I figured he'd get the message."

"But you did reply … didn't you?" Dickie interrupted.

"What?" Elliot asked, spinning to face his son. "When did she reply?"

"Yesterday!" Dickie said. "She told him she'd go see him."

"You did what?" Elliot yelled, facing his daughter.

"I told him I'd go see him," Lizzie said defiantly.

"Over my dead body," Elliot retorted.

"It's my life," Lizzie said. "I haven't seen him since he hurt me and I want to tell him exactly what I think."

"It's not happening," Elliot said, shaking his head.

"Yes it is," Lizzie answered back. "You saw him. Liv hit him. I just want the chance to stand up for myself."

Elliot turned to Olivia.

"Tell her it's stupid. Tell her she's not going," he yelled, throwing his hands up.

"El, calm down," Olivia said, taking his hand as he walked past. "We're not going to get anywhere if all we do is yell."

"Calm down!" he yelled. "How the hell do you expect me to calm down? I'm gonna kill the bastard!"

"And I'll help you," Dickie chimed in.

"Arghh!" Lizzie screamed drawing the attention back to herself. "You don't get it, do you? I love the fact you want to protect me but for god's sake you've got to let me stand up for myself. It was me he assaulted, it was me he was going to rape; it's going to be me who confronts him!" She stalked over to the sofa and dropped onto it, her arms folded firmly across her chest. There would be no negotiating this point.

"That bastard's not getting anywhere near you," Dickie spat. "I couldn't stop him the first time but I'm sure as hell he's not going to do it again."

"He's in prison, Dickie, he can hardly hurt me from in there," Lizzie retorted.

"Liv, make her see sense," Dickie said exasperated. "Tell her it's not a good idea."

Olivia paused for a moment. She wouldn't tell anyone that, it struck her as a good idea. It was a brave choice for a young girl to make and Olivia could well understand her need to confront the man. She had been thinking of paying Harris a visit herself recently.

"I think…" she began slowly. "I think that if this is something Liz wants to do, we should support her."

"You can't be serious?" Dickie said before looking at his father. "She agrees, can you believe that?"  
"Liv, she's fifteen … he's scum … how can you think this is the right thing?" he asked shaking his head. He was full sure she'd agree with him.

"She's also an assault victim who wants to confront the perp and put things behind her. Don't you think she's entitled?" she asked looking from father to son. "Isn't this about what Liz needs not what we think?"

Neither Elliot nor Dickie could fault Olivia's argument but it didn't mean they liked it, not in the least. Dickie threw himself into the armchair, words escaping him. Elliot headed to the kitchen. Olivia gave him a few minutes before following.

"I know it's not what you wanted me to say," she started, her hand gently resting on his back as he stood with his hands firmly pressed on the counter and his head hung down. "But Lizzie's not scared of him and she wants to speak up for herself; they're good things. She's come so far."

"Is it the same for you? Do you want to see Harris?" he asked without moving.

"No…not yet, I'm not ready," she said quietly. It was her sorrowful tone that made him turn to her.

"You think she is?" he asked, bringing his hands to rest on her shoulders.

"I think she needs to … Rowland wasn't some random perp, he lived with her for five months, I think she needs to confront him, to say her piece and then get on with things. Since he pleaded guilty there was no chance for her to be heard in court, I think she just wants the chance to be heard," she said, moving in to lean on him.

"I don't want him anywhere near her, Liv. I can't bear the thought that he'd even be breathing the same air as her," Elliot said, leaning his forehead on hers.

"Why don't you take her yourself?" she asked. "You'll be there and you can see for yourself just how well she's doing."

"Liv, if I see him I am going to kill him," he growled as Liz came to the door.

"That won't help matters, dad," she said, interrupting them. Olivia dropped her arm and tugged Lizzie over to them before wrapping her in an embrace.

"Dad, I don't want to upset you," she began snuggling into him. "But this is something I need to do."

Elliot kissed her head as Olivia cupped his face.

"You really want to do this, Liz?" he asked, resigned to the fact it was going to happen regardless of how much it pained him.

"Yeah, I do," she said, hugging him tightly.

"Okay, I'll take you," he sighed. "When do you want to go?"

"Now," Lizzie replied, more than ready to get it over and done with.

It was at this time Dickie came in and wasn't at all happy with the arrangements being made. Lizzie tried to explain once more but it fell on deaf ears as he stormed out, the resounding echo of the bedroom door slamming shut bounced around the kitchen. Elliot went to follow him but Olivia stopped him.

"Why don't you two get going and I'll see to Dickie?" she said, squeezing his arm.

Five minutes after Elliot and Lizzie left, Olivia called Don and apprised him of the situation. She wasn't sure what she expected from him just that she had an overwhelming desire for him to know. With the phone call concluded she stood on the other side of Dickie's door, praying she could get him to understand what his sister was doing.

Olivia had knocked twice before getting an annoyed, "What?"

"Hey Dickie, it's me. Can I come in?" she asked through the wood.

"It's your place, do whatever you want," he grumbled.

Slowly she opened the door and watched as he turned his back to her, taking a deep breath she moved to sit on the edge of his bed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, gently rubbing his arm. He shrugged and muttered something she couldn't quite understand. "Want to repeat that?"

"I said" he began with frustrated annoyance. "There's nothing to talk about!"

"Can I talk about it then?" Olivia countered, knowing she was dealing with a younger version of Elliot.

"Whatever," he grunted.

Taking a deep breath, Olivia wondered if there was anything she could say to make things better for him. Sure there wasn't, she began anyway.

"I'm guessing you're pretty mad at Lizzie and me and your dad," she started, "because we didn't stop her from seeing Steve. And I can understand that … but I'm thinking there's something else going on here too, isn't there?"

A disinterested grunt was all she got in reply.

"I'm thinking that it has more to do with you than Lizzie," she continued, deciding just to push ahead. "I think that Lizzie got help after Steve assaulted her and learned to deal with things and she's ready to put it all behind her but not you. But you're still having bad dreams and flashbacks and can't bear to think of her in the same room as him ever again. Am I anywhere close?"

"How did you know?" he asked without turning around. "About the dreams and flashbacks?"

"I know the signs … I still have them," she said quietly. "I close my eyes sometimes and I'm back in Sealview …"

Dickie rolled over before sitting up to face her.

"So if you still have them why the hell would you think Lizzie seeing that prick is a good idea?" he said quietly.

"Because Lizzie wants to and it's about her not me and not you," Olivia explained, taking hold of his hand. "Do you get that?"

"Yeah, but I still think it's a mistake," he said, staring at their hands.

"Nothing is going to happen to her, your dad will be there," she reassured him.

"Well, that's something I guess," he said, swinging his feet onto the floor before standing up. "At least dad can protect her, I was fucking useless," he muttered before heading out to the bathroom.

For a long while, Olivia sat on the bed contemplating Dickie's last words. It was then she realised the focus had been on Lizzie since the assault and no one realised just how affected he had been by the whole thing. After the initial trauma of his sister being attacked in her own bed, Dickie's needs had been all but forgotten, but now Olivia realised just how traumatised and guilt ridden he still was.

**xoxoinnocenceoxox **

**I appreciate those who have 'favourited' the story, currently 70, and those who have alerted it, currently 114. However, the reviews for the last two chapters have decreased greatly, the last chapter being the least read and reviewed. So, I'm thinking this story has run it's course ... For those people who have stuck with it, I appreciate your commitment greatly. There are 2 chapters to go (already written) and then the epilogue and then it will be finished.**


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**xoxoinnocenceoxox**

At a loss for how to help Dickie herself, and knowing she couldn't really wait for Elliot to return as he'd be dealing with whatever went on with Lizzie and Steve, Olivia phoned Kathy. To Olivia, the forty five minutes it took Kathy to get there felt like an eternity. She had given her the basic run down of events which led to the call and Kathy had promised she'd be there as soon as possible.

"Thanks for coming, Kath," Olivia said, opening the door and ushering her in.

"Hey, Liv," she replied, dropping her bag and jacket on the sofa. "Where's Dickie?"

Olivia pointed to the bedroom. "He hasn't come out yet. I'm knocked twice but he won't answer me."

"He's his father's son," Kathy sighed. "You know the strong, silent type." Olivia nodded, she'd been thinking the same thing. "Have you heard from Elliot and Liz?"

"No, not yet," Olivia answered, gesturing towards the sofa, Kathy sat in the armchair.

"I wish they would have talked to me first," she sighed. "I don't know if I could have gone with her but I …god, I don't know."

"You just wanted the chance to talk to her first?" Olivia asked quietly.

"Yeah," Kathy nodded. "She's been doing so well with it all, I guess I just wanted to be make sure."

"Well, Liz seemed certain enough," she reassured. "She's come so far. I wish…" her voice trailed. "Never mind."

"No, say it, Liv," Kathy said gently. "What do you wish?" Olivia shrugged. "Wish you were a bit more like her?" Kathy ventured.

Olivia smiled sadly. "Yeah!"

"You've got to remember, Liv, that this was the worst thing to happen to Lizzie and she only had that to deal with. You have had so much happen in your life and there's so much for you to cope with. Your assault is not the only thing you have to deal with, is it?" she asked quietly.

"I guess not," she sighed, dropping her head.

"But you'll get there too," Kathy soothed. "I've never met anyone as brave and determined as you … well, except maybe for El."

"I don't feel all that brave," Olivia admitted quietly.

"Well, it never shows," she replied. "You always seem so in control."

"Ha," she chuckled. "If I was so in control I wouldn't have called you five minutes after El left because I didn't know how to deal with a fifteen year old."

"Well, fifteen year olds can be tricky," she smiled. "Especially males."

"Well, I've spent my career working with males, many who have the maturity of a fifteen year old. You'd think I'd get it by now," Olivia sighed.

"There's a big difference between working with them and raising them," Kathy replied. "But you'll get the hang of it."

Olivia looked at her oddly for a moment. While it was true they had been getting along far better than she had ever expected, and while she thought of Elliot's kids as hers, especially the twins, she had never really expected Kathy to acknowledge the shared responsibility she would have in raising them.

"What, Liv?" Kathy said, "You and El are living together now … albeit since yesterday … and you have already shown you love the kids, I mean look at everything you've done for Lizzie."

"Yeah, well, anyone would have," Olivia said, with a wave of her hand.

"No, they wouldn't have," Kathy said. "You've always looked out for the kids; I know it was you who remembered their birthdays and their favourite things… Elliot would never have bought Kathleen the Fiddy Cent CD a few years ago, or got Maureen the spa day treatments for her sixteenth."

"Well, men don't really take notice of those things," she said embarrassed.

"No, but you've always loved them, I've always known that," Kathy admitted. "I must say that I was jealous at times about how much they love you but I can understand why."

"I never wanted to get between you and the kids, especially the twins," Olivia apologised.

"You haven't," she reassured. "I've had a few months to get used to the idea of you and Elliot and I am happy for you … I think you need him about as much as he needs you."

"Oh," Olivia sighed, tilting her head.

"So, whatever else happens, we'll always be on the same side," she said, standing up from the chair.

"Whatever else?" Olivia echoed. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when you guys get married …" she began.

"_Married?_ You're jumping the gun there, aren't you?" Olivia choked, her cheeks flushing.

"You don't want to marry him?" Kathy asked surprised.

"I didn't say that, it's just not something I've even considered," she answered, in an untruth. "Not seriously."

"Well, maybe you should," Kathy said. "Now, I'll leave you to sort out Elliot and I'll deal with this one."

Olivia moved to sit cross legged on the sofa, her head back and eyes closed, a million and one thoughts racing through her mind. From time to time she could hear Kathy and Dickie, their conversation fluctuating in mood and volume. She held onto her cell in the hope that Elliot would ring, she was desperate to know how things had gone and how Lizzie was.

Fifteen long minutes later the phone rang, quickly she answered it.

"El?" she asked without looking at the caller ID.

"No, Liv, it's Don," her boss corrected.

"Oh, sorry. Hi Don," she sighed.

"Look, Liv, I thought I'd give you a call and put your mind at ease," he began. "I met El and Lizzie before they went into see Rowland and El and I had a long talk. I went in with them and Liz was great. Left Rowland in no doubt as to what she thought of him and then slapped him for good measure."

"And she's okay?" Olivia checked.

"Yeah, she walked out smiling, so I guess that tells its own story," Don reported.

"And El?" she asked hesitantly.

"Well, let's just say, it's probably El that needs some TLC, he found listening to Lizzie really hard," he recounted. "I think he just barely held it together."

"Did he hit him?" Olivia asked, just to be prepared.

"He did go to hit him but Lizzie grabbed his hand and told him 'the pervert wasn't worth it', " he said softly.

"Don, thanks, I really appreciate you going … I didn't really know what to do … I just … well …" she stumbled.

"It's okay, Liv, I was glad I could help," he said proudly, he would do anything for Elliot, he'd always thought of him as the son he'd never had. "Call me if you need anything else."

eo**eo

When Olivia concluded the phone call, Kathy and Dickie emerged from the bedroom, both faces red and blotchy from crying.

"Hey," she said, standing up and tossing the cell onto the sofa. "That was Don … he was there with El and Liz and everything went well … Lizzie's good."

"Great," Kathy sighed, relieved. "I'm glad."

"How are things here?" she asked, looking at Dickie.

"Um … not so good," Kathy began. "Dickie and I are going to go out for awhile … you know, get lunch, maybe a movie …"

"Okay," Olivia said slowly, trying to get Dickie to look at her, it failed.

"But he'll be back by dinner as I have to go to work," Kathy continued. "That okay?"

"Sure," she replied as Dickie walked past her. "Take it easy, hey?" He grunted and shrugged as she patted his shoulder.

"Back soon, Liv," Kathy said, with a sad smile, as she followed her son out the door.

It took Lizzie and Elliot an hour and thirty six minutes to return, not that Olivia was counting. She'd dusted and vacuumed and done a load of laundry and had still found time to pace around and stress about Dickie … and Elliot … and Lizzie.

"I think it's clean," Elliot said unexpectedly, causing her to jump.

"God!" she shrieked. "I didn't hear you come in," she said, dropping the cloth onto the coffee table. "How are you both?"

Lizzie walked straight into her arms and hugged her tightly.

"I'm good, Liv, really good," she smiled. "You should try it … when you're ready."

"Maybe I will," she replied, kissing her head. "One day."

"How's that brother of mine doing?" she asked, unhooking her arms and heading towards the bedroom.

"He's not here," Olivia said. "He's out with your mom."

"Has he calmed down?" she asked, leaning against the door jamb.

"Not really," she replied. "He's still upset…"

"With me?" she asked, her face dropping.

"No, honey, not you," she soothed. "He's just dealing with his own things…"

With her cell ringing, Lizzie pulled it from her pocket. "It's Mo," she said, looking at the screen. "I'll take it in here." She opened the bedroom door and disappeared.

Olivia made her way over to Elliot who had remained silent and near the door. She wrapped him in her arms and pulled him close.

"How are you doing, baby?" she whispered as she kissed his head.

"Okay," he whispered, pulling her tighter.

"It was rough going for you, wasn't it?" she said, running her arms up behind his neck and linking her fingers.

"Yeah," he sighed, leaning his forehead on hers. "But she did so well … she really gave him what for …"

"Good …" Olivia replied, caressing his face.

"She's pretty amazing, you know?" he whispered.

"Just like her daddy," she smiled, pulling him closer and kissing the side of his head.

For a long while Elliot was content to just hold her tightly and lean against the door, taking the time to breathe in the scent of her perfume and shampoo and think calming thoughts. Finally he pulled back and kissed her head.

"So, you called Don," he said, taking her hand and heading to the sofa.

"Yeah, I did," she said, climbing onto his lap as he sat in the corner. "You mad at me?"

"No," he replied, kissing her head. "I think it was a good thing …"

"I'm glad," she replied, resting her head against his. "I just wanted someone to be there for you."

"You know, driving out there, I was kinda hoping there'd be someone else there …" he said. "Liz was pretty calm and determined and I was fighting against every urge to either beat the shit out of him or burst into tears." Olivia kissed his cheek, surprised he was being so open. "On the way home I got to thinking of how different my life would have been if my dad had have been more like Don."

"And what did you come up with?" she asked playing with the collar on his shirt.

"That it would have been pretty good but then I probably would never have met you, and I don't want to even consider that," he whispered kissing her head.

"We would have found each other, regardless," she sighed, snuggling in a little closer.

There was a long pause before Elliot spoke again.

"You know if Don had have been my father … or dad had have been more like him … then maybe I would have been a better father," he said sadly, his head coming to rest on Olivia's shoulder.

"You're a damn good father as it is!" she replied emphatically, sitting up and taking his chin in her hand.

"Yeah?" he sighed unconvinced.

"You are!" she continued. "You are an amazing man, El and the kids absolutely adore you."

"Yeah, well I couldn't protect my youngest daughter and my son, doesn't think I'm much," Elliot said, his head down and tears filling his eyes.

"Your daughter doesn't blame you and your son loves you, Elliot Stabler," Olivia said, drawing his head up and wiping the trickle of tears from his cheek.

"I can't … I don't … Fuck…" he stumbled.

Olivia repositioned herself to enable her to wrap her arms around him tightly. He buried his head in her chest as the tears fell steadily.

"You know what I think the issue is?" Olivia started, her own tears spilling over. "I think Dickie is just a younger version of you. He feels the way you do, he acts the way you do … he has trouble expressing himself ... his emotions … just like…"  
"Me," Elliot offered. Olivia nodded.

"And you know something else?" she continued. "He loves you just as much as I do."

Nothing else was said until Lizzie swung open her door and began a recount of her phone conversation before looking over and taking in the scene in front of her.

"Oh, sorry," she apologised. "Is everything alright?" She looked from one adult to the other.

"Yeah, it is," Olivia answered, still allowing Elliot to hide his face from his daughter.

"Can I do anything… dad?" she asked slowly, studying him intently.

"How about you get us some coffee?" Olivia answered for him.

"Sure," Lizzie answered before slowly walking to the kitchen.

"You okay?" Olivia asked gently, raising his head.

"Yeah," he smiled sadly. "Thanks."

"Anytime, baby," she replied, quickly kissing his lips.

"I might just go wash my face … you know…" he said and Olivia stood up and pulled him up.

"Love you," she said as he squeezed her hand and headed to the bathroom.

**xoxoinnocenceoxox **

**If you're so inclined, good thoughts and prayers are needed this way.**

**Thank you.**


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**xoxoinnocenceoxox**

Two mugs of coffee sat cooling on the counter as Olivia walked into the kitchen.

"I'm so sorry," Lizzie stated, as soon as she saw Olivia.

"What for, honey?" she asked, leaning against the counter.

"For upsetting dad and Dickie … I thought …" she began before stopping.

"What did you think?" Olivia prompted, taking her hand.

"I thought that seeing Steve would make everything alright and I could get on with things …" Lizzie answered, pain filling her eyes.

"And it will," she replied, squeezing her hand.

"But I didn't realise it would hurt them so much … I was only thinking about me …" she said sadly. "Are they going to be okay?"

"Yeah, they will … everyone just has to deal with things in their own time and in their own way," Olivia reassured her. "As for your dad and Dickie, they'll be fine; we'll have to love them a lot."

The conversation continued and covered a range of topics before Lizzie looked over at the mugs.

"It's cold now … the coffee …" she said, pointing to the mugs. "And dad hasn't come back yet. Do you think he's alright?"

"I might just go and check," Olivia said, concerned herself that Elliot had yet to make a reappearance.

She found him lying back on the bed, his arm crossed over his face; he'd obviously been sitting on the end as his feet were still on the floor. Olivia stood between his knees and leant over, her arms bracing her body above him.

"How are you doing, babe?" she asked quietly.

"Better now you're here," he smiled, moving his arm and opening his eyes.

"Anything I can do?" she asked, lifting one hand to caress his face.

"Yep!" He scooted up the bed before taking her hand and getting her to join him. She lay on her side, tucked into him. Her leg and arm draped over him, her head resting in the crook of her neck.

"Need anything?" she asked as her hand caressed his chest.

"Got everything I need right here," he replied, kissing her head.

Before long there was a hesitant knock on the door.

"Come in," called Elliot. Slowly the door opened and Dickie peered around the corner, home from his outing with Kathy.

"Sorry," he started. "Didn't mean to interrupt… I can come back later…" He went to close the door.

"No, wait!" called Olivia. "Come back, honey." Dickie opened the door once more. "Did you want to talk to your dad?"

"Yeah, I sort of thought that we could kind of have a talk … you know … a man to man kind of thing," he said nervously, not quite able to look at his dad.

"I think that's a great idea," Olivia said, sitting up. She leant back to Elliot, "Liz and I might go for a walk or something… okay?"

"Yeah, okay," he nodded and Olivia could clearly see the anxiety on his face.

"It will be alright," she reassured, kissing his cheek.

"What if I make things worse for him?" he whispered. "What if I don't know what to say?"

"Baby, Dickie is you … just think about what you would have wanted your dad to do if it were you?" she whispered back.

"Don't be gone too long," he replied, still nervous about his impending conversation.

Olivia climbed from the bed and stopped by Dickie at the door.

"I'm really sorry, Liv," he said sadly.

"What for, honey?" she asked, raising his head.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you earlier … it wasn't you I was upset with … you know that, don't you?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, I know that," she replied, wrapping her arms around him. "No harm done."

"I was just … well, I wasn't …" his voice trailed, as Olivia kissed his head.

"It's okay; you go talk to your dad," she whispered, before walking through the doorway and into the hall.

"Wait, Liv," he continued, turning to follow her. "I'm kinda nervous. What if I don't know what to say to him?" He nodded towards Elliot. "You know we find it difficult to talk about … you know…stuff."

"I think he's just as nervous as you, Dickie," Olivia replied. "But you know how you feel right now – just how much you need to talk to him, be near him? He needs that from you too."

"But what if I don't say all the right things?" he asked with quiet desperation.

"It won't matter," she reassured. "It's just important that you try. He loves you so much, Dickie, always remember that." He nodded.

"Um, Liv …" he began unsure as to whether he should continue.

"Yes?" she prompted quietly.

"I know I haven't really said this before … but I should have because I do … and I need to, I want to … it's just that … well, you've had your stuff to deal with and Lizzie's and dad's and … well …" his voice trailed to a whisper.

"What is it you're trying to say, Dickie?" she asked, her hands resting on his shoulders.

"I love you, Livvy," he said so shyly she could have cried.

"I love you too, baby," she replied, wrapping him in a warm embrace and kissing his head. "I love you so very much."

She stood in the hallway and held onto him for just as long as he held onto her, then she slowly moved back. "Now, to give you guys some privacy, Liz and I are going to go for a walk," she said caressing his face.

"Yeah, okay," he replied. "But Livvy… don't go too far."

"I won't," she smiled. "And I'll take my cell, so if you need me or…" she nodded towards the door, "he does, you just call and we'll be right back."

By the time Liz and Olivia had reached the pavement outside the building and seen Kathy off, Dickie was still standing by the bedroom door.

"You want to talk in here or go somewhere else or…" Elliot began, sitting up in the bed.

"Here's fine," Dickie replied with a nod.

"Oh, okay," he said. "You want to sit here with me?"

"Yeah, sure," he said, sitting up on Olivia's side of the bed, next to his dad.

Both were well aware of the tension and neither quite knew what to do next.

Elliot took a deep breath and remembered Olivia's words – what would he have wanted from his father? With that in mind, the rest came easy.

"Want to tell me about it, son?" Elliot asked quietly, his eyes fixed on the ceiling and reflecting Dickie's posture.

"Not sure where to start, dad," Dickie replied softly.

"Just take your time and tell me whatever you want … or ask me whatever you want…" he prompted gently, something far removed from the dealings he had ever had with his father.

"How are you supposed to just get over something like that?" Dickie asked quietly.

"Like what?" Elliot asked, not exactly sure what he was referring to.

"Lizzie … and Liv … how are you supposed to just get up one day and be able to get on with life and not let it bother you?" he asked, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. "How can you just forget about it?"

"I don't think they've forgotten about it," Elliot began. "I just think they have accepted that it's happened and while it has affected them deeply, they just don't want it to control their whole life…"

There was a long silence.

"So how come I can't?" Dickie said, in a deeply forlorn voice.

"You can't what, son?" Elliot asked, turning to face him.

"How come I can't accept it? How come it's controlling my life?" he asked with a deep sadness.

"What's 'it'?" he countered.

"Lizzie's assault," he answered, tears filling his eyes.

"Which part of Lizzie's assault?" Elliot asked, feeling a little more cop than dad.

"The part that I was a useless idiot and let it happen … "he whispered, unable to give full voice to his comment.

"How did you let it happen?" he probed.

"I was in the house … and he went into her room, into her bed … and tried to get … well, you know, into her and I let it happen … I mean I didn't just let it happen, I didn't know he was doing it … but I was still there … it still happened when I was supposed to be the man of the house … the one who was supposed to be looking out for her … you know?" he asked, tears streaming down his face.

"Yeah I know," Elliot agreed, and he did. There wasn't a day that went by without him blaming himself for not being undercover with Olivia at Sealview. He should have been looking out for her; he should have had her back.

"You do know that Liz doesn't blame you, don't you?" Elliot asked, threading his arm behind his son's neck and pulling him closer.

"Yeah," he sobbed into his father's chest. "But I blame me." He looked up to his father in desperation. "I hate myself … I hate I couldn't stop it, I hate I couldn't fix it and… and … and I hate the fact Liz still loves me … at least if she hated me I could deal with it but she doesn't … she loves me anyway and I…oh god, dad, does any of this make sense?"

It all made sense and Olivia had been right, Dickie was his father's son.

"It makes sense, Dickie … It makes sense," Elliot assured him as he held him tighter. "And you know something, I blame me too."

Dickie raised his head and looked at his father. "Why, dad?"

"For pretty similar reasons … if your mum and I hadn't divorced, he'd never have been in the house … this would never have happened …" he began.

"You can't blame yourself, dad … you and mum shouldn't have to stay together just because someone else might do this … it's not your fault you weren't there … it was just circumstances," Dickie protested.

"Exactly, buddy, circumstances … I couldn't stop it and neither could you," Elliot said, ruffling his hair. "Doesn't make it easier to accept but it's the reality, isn't it?"

"Yep," he replied, struggling to stop his tears.

"You know what I think?" he asked as Dickie dropped his head onto Elliot's shoulder.

"What?" he mumbled.

"Liv and Liz are doing well and I think that maybe the help they've been getting has a lot to do with that … you know… counselling. Maybe that's what we need to try it … see if it helps us too. What do you think?" he asked, apprehensively. Never before had he truly contemplated therapy, and now he'd proposed it without a second thought.

"We wouldn't have to go in together, would we?" Dickie asked, not sure if he was prepared to have his father there listening to every word.

"No, son, we won't," Elliot said, squeezing him in a hug.

"Do we have to tell Liv and Liz about it? Well, right now anyhow?" he questioned, sitting up.

"Nah, for now it can be our little secret," Elliot grinned in conspiracy, not quite ready to let others know he needed the help of a therapist.

"It's gonna cost a fortune, you know?" Dickie said as he stood up.

"It'll be worth it," he replied, standing and meeting up with his son at the foot of the bed. "But there are a couple of things I can tell you for free… one, that none of this was your fault, never was, never will be … and two, I love you, son." Dickie hugged him tightly, even harder than Elliot was holding him.

By the time Olivia and Lizzie returned home, Elliot and Dickie were sitting on the sofa, Playstation 3 controllers in hands, challenging each other in some car racing game that Olivia just couldn't get. Their postures were mirror image and their faces reflected the same emotions.

Lizzie went and sat between them on the sofa.

"Who's winning?" she asked, ruffling her brother's hair, before she kissed his head, glad that he at least glanced at her.

"Who do you think?" Dickie grinned, tilting to the right as he turned a corner.

"It's not over yet," Elliot retorted, tilting right, not far behind his son.

"Well, I _have_ won the last two, dad," Dickie remarked, taking another corner.

"I'm playing next," Lizzie called, resting her head on her dad's shoulder.

Olivia stood and took in the scene and couldn't help but smile at just how comfortable they all looked with each other. Knowing there was no room on the sofa for her, but not wanting to miss out on the togetherness they had finally achieved, Olivia took the controller from Elliot, surprising him.

"Hey!" he shouted, as she handed it to Lizzie.

"Here, Liz, see if you can beat him," Olivia said, climbing onto Elliot's lap. He didn't mind the substitution in the least.

She kissed his head as he wrapped her in his arms.

"Everything go alright here?" she asked, nodding towards Dickie who was too engrossed in the game to pay any attention.

"Yeah," he replied, kissing her shoulder. "Nice walk?"

"Yeah," she answered.

The details could wait; neither wanted anything to spoil this moment, which had been forever in coming.

The laughter and togetherness a sign of the positive nature of healing.

**xoxoinnocenceoxox **

**There is only the epilogue to come. Will be posted in a couple of weeks if you're interested.**

**If you're so inclined, good thoughts and prayers are needed this way.**

**Thank you.**


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: Still not mine... though one day Mr Wolf and I may come to some arrangement.

**xoxoinnocenceoxox**

**EPILOGUE**

**(Thanks Britt)**

**The following year…**

Elliot sat and watched as Olivia tried to sleep. She had shifted numerous times and it was plainly evident she was uncomfortable but still he couldn't help but smile.

"What are you smirking at?" she growled, with one eye still closed.

"You're so beautiful, Livia," he replied, flashing a huge grin and hoping she'd reciprocate.

"You're an ass!" she grumbled. "Now, quit watching me."

She rolled over as best she could but even she couldn't help but smile at the events which had gotten them to this point.

**Six months earlier**

_Olivia opened her eyes and tried to take in the still dimly lit hotel room. Glancing at the clock she was surprised to see the red numbers illuminated; 8:23. The heavy drapes had blocked out the morning sun. She looked down to find Elliot still sleeping soundly in the same position he'd fallen asleep the night before. His head was resting just below her breasts, as he lay on top of her, their bodies diagonal on the king sized bed._

_"El," she called, running her fingers through his hair. "Elliot!"_

_"Mmm, what?" he mumbled, his eyes still too heavy to open._

_"Ell…iot?" she called in a more sing-song voice, wanting him to be alert._

_"More?" he grinned, opening his eyes and looking up at her._

_"Not yet," she smiled. "I just thought I'd tell you I just woke up and it's 8:23."_

_"Still so early," he replied, with a yawn._

_"Yeah, but I just woke up," she said, trying to get him to see her point._

_"Yeah?" he yawned again. "Want breakfast?"_

_She shook her head; she was going to have to paint him the picture. "Elliot, it was 8:23 when I woke up this morning … when I woke up for the first time since we fell asleep last night at 11:00 or so … 8:23."_

_He looked at her strangely for a few moments._

_"8:23," he repeated. "And you just woke up." And then it dawned on him. "So, you slept through the night … as in the whole night … as in not waking up at 3:00?"_

_"Yay, now you get it," she grinned, tapping his face._

_Elliot wriggled further up her body. "I must have really exhausted you last night," he grinned proudly._

_"Oh, I think it was more than that," Olivia replied, not wanting to boost his ego more than necessary._

_"I don't know … four times in an hour and a half … a new record for us, don't you think?" he boasted._

_"It could have been exhaustion, you know, with everything leading up to the wedding yesterday," she offered, stroking his head._

_"Nah, think it was everything after the wedding," he chided, kissing her neck._

_"Well, becoming Mrs Stabler was a lot of work … with the caterers and the flowers and the dresses and …"_

_"Well, I get your point," he conceded, somewhat deflated._

_"But you could be right," she countered, "I think it was more you."_

_"Told you so," he replied, his grin back in place._

_"I was just thinking it was the pregnancy but as that was you too… then…" she began._

_"Pregnancy? You're pregnant? When? Where? How?" The questions spewed forth without Olivia having a chance to respond._

_"Yes, we are pregnant," she said, slowly. "About eleven weeks now so where would most likely be that B&B in Vermont … as for how, well, you were there, so you know how."_

_Elliot kissed her thoroughly from her mouth to her still flat belly and then back up once more._

_"I take it you're happy?" she asked, her eyes glistening with tears._

_"Absolutely ecstatic," he replied kissing her once more. "You?"_

_"I'm …" The words wouldn't come but her tears did. She couldn't find the words to describe her feeling of pure, unadulterated joy._

_"Livia?" he asked, not too sure what the tears meant._

_"Happy …" she managed to get out as she held onto him._

_"So, they're good tears?" he checked, just like he'd done in the shower after they'd made love for the first time._

_"Extremely good tears," she replied, wiping her eyes. "I found out three weeks ago and I wanted to keep it as a surprise for our wedding."_

_"Thank you," he replied, kissing the trails of her tears away._

_"For what?" she whispered._

_"Thank you for marrying me … for carrying my child … for keeping it a surprise … for loving me … for being you … for loving my family, our family … for everything," he answered as his own tears of happiness fell._

_"Ditto," she responded. "Well, not for carrying this one," she said, patting her stomach. "But for giving him or her to me, to us."_

_"You have a preference?" he asked, wrapping her tightly in his arms. "Girl or boy?"_

_"No, I just want this little one to be happy … not to have to go through everything we did. It's not asking too much is it?" Olivia asked, gazing deeply into his still teary blue eyes._

_"No, it's not asking too much at all."_

"It's not asking too much is it?" Olivia screamed at Elliot as he jumped to his feet from the nearby chair. "Is it? Is it?" she demanded. Elliot paused. He wasn't sure whether it was or wasn't too much. He wasn't sure what the question referred to and he really wasn't sure of the most appropriate response. "For god's sake, Elliot!"

"Livvy," he began quietly, as he approached her. "Take a breath."

"Don't tell me what to fucking do," she yelled into his face. "Haven't you done enough already?! This is all your fault." He couldn't help but smile. It was his fault, sort of. "You're smiling at me? What the hell's so funny?"

"Do you know how beautiful you are right now?" he asked, a quiet confidence back in his voice.

His gentle manner and loving gaze were enough to soothe her, at least for now.

"I'm so sorry," she cried, tears streaming down her face. "I don't mean to be horrible."

"I know, Livia," he said, leaning over the bed and kissing her forehead. "Having a baby brings out the best and worst."

"The nurse says I'm only 3cm dilated… how can that be? I've been in labour for a week," Olivia grumbled, trying to adjust herself in the uncomfortable hospital bed.

"It's only been four hours, Liv," he reassured her at his own peril.

"Four hours? You're telling me it's _only_ been four hours? Like four hours isn't long enough? Huh? Huh?" she ranted.

"No, I'm not saying that," Elliot backtracked. "Four hours is a long time."

"How would you know? Don't just agree with me for the sake of it. If you don't think four hours is long enough then have the balls to say it," she yelled at him.

"I think four hours is plenty long enough," he replied and it was. The previous four hours seeming to last an eternity, and something he didn't want to repeat in a hurry.

"You bet it's long enough. You just try pushing a watermelon out your dick and tell me it's only four hours!" she said in a huff and turned away from him.

As the hours passed things failed to improve, for Elliot anyway, every kind or gentle gesture was received with either tears or tirade. He couldn't help but think of the previous three pregnancies he'd been a part of, none of them anything near what he was experiencing now. While Kathy had slapped him during the twins' delivery and called him every name under the sun during Maureen's arrival, he had never been concerned for his own safety. But Olivia was different; he knew she could inflict some serious damage if he wasn't careful, particularly as she was aiming for a most sensitive area.

Nine hours into the labour, Elliot was banished to the waiting room; Olivia finally fed up with him. It was there Kathy found him as she arrived with the Lizzie and Kathleen.

"Rough going, El?" Kathy asked, resting her arm on his slumped form.

"Yep," he grumbled, sitting up to face his family.

"How's Liv doing?" Lizzie asked, looking towards the door.

"The doctor says she's doing well," he answered, scrubbing a hand over his face.

"Can we see her?" she asked eagerly.

"If you're brave enough," he sighed. "Just knock and check with her."

Lizzie and Kathleen disappeared into Olivia's room.

/./

"What's up, El?" Kathy asked, sitting down beside him.

"Well, according to Livia I'm a cross between the devil himself and every imaginable kind of ass," he said with the shake of his head.

"And?" she smiled, as if the description was an accurate representation.

"Isn't that enough?" he snapped. "I mean I know I got her pregnant but I think I've been pretty good throughout it.

"You know it's just the hormones, she doesn't mean it," Kathy soothed, rubbing his back.

"I know but still…" he grumbled, being hungry and exhausted weren't helping his mood.

"Dickie and Mo will be here soon," she said, changing the topic.

"Aha," he nodded, not really listening.

"Elliot, do want me to go and talk to her?" Kathy offered, gesturing towards the door.

"I can't ask you to do that," he stated forlornly. "Can I?" he added with a note of hope.

"You don't have to ask…I'll do it anyway," she smiled, kissing his head as she stood. "Liv will be fine … and so will you."

After Kathy entered Olivia's room, Kathleen and Lizzie exited; a wad of notes in Lizzie's hand.

"Mom says to take you to the cafeteria and feed you," Lizzie said, taking her father's arm.

"Thanks but I'd rather stay here," he answered. "Just in case Liv needs me."

"Well, Liv says if she looks out the door and sees you here she'll kick your butt into next week," Kathleen added. "And I think she meant it."

With little choice Elliot left with his daughters.

../..

"How are you doing, Liv?" Kathy asked, drawing up a chair to the bedside.

"I've been better," Olivia grumbled. "I feel like a ten tonne whale … or at least like a woman trying to pass a ten tonne whale."

Kathy patted her arm. "It's worth it though. When it's all over and you have that little bundle in your arms, all this becomes a distant memory."

"Sure," she sighed. "Just all disappears, right?"

"Right," Kathy nodded. "Of course bourbon and Valium have their place too."

Olivia laughed and laughed until a contraction started and changed the laughter to screams. "Oh, sweet mother of God," she yelled as she gripped Kathy's hand hard. "Come out already."

When the contraction passed, Kathy grabbed the towel and wiped Olivia's forehead, before offering her a sip of water.

"I can't believe you did this four times," Olivia said, slumping back into the pillow.

"Well, three actually," she corrected. "Three pregnancies, four births … lucky me, hey?"

"Yeah, you are lucky, you have beautiful kids," she said, rubbing her belly.

"And so do you," Kathy smiled, acknowledging the shared role in the lives of the Stabler children. "This one will be no different."

"I don't know about that," Olivia admitted, her eyes clouding over.

"What don't you know, Liv?" she asked gently.

Not able to find the words, Olivia sat there and stared at Kathy. She didn't know how to voice her concerns; she couldn't do it with Elliot and didn't think she should do it with Kathy.

"Livvy, I hope you don't mind me asking," Kathy began gently, "but are you scared?"

"Um," Olivia hesitated. "Not so much scared as absolutely terrified," she admitted, tears cascading down her cheeks.

"Why, honey?" Kathy asked, sitting up on the bed.

"It will be this big," she said, holding her hands apart in reference to the baby's size. "I don't know how to deal with things that size. I've never had a pet, not had friends with babies that I was close to, not had…"

"Liv, it's natural to be nervous with your first," Kathy comforted her. "I was petrified."

"You were? It's always seemed so second nature to you … like you were born to it," Olivia said, swiping at her tears.

"That only came with practice," Kathy smiled. "When the midwife handed Maureen to me as we were leaving the hospital I burst into tears and I don't think I stopped for the first month."

"Really?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah, really," she nodded, Olivia gripping her hand as she had another contraction.

Glancing up at the wall clock, Kathy noted the time.

"Two minutes apart, Liv," she said, wiping her brow once more. "It won't be long."

"Oh god," Olivia sighed. "Is there anyway to stop it? I don't think I can do this."

"Of course you can!" Kathy said emphatically. "You are strong and determined and can do anything you put your mind to."

"Thanks, Kathy," she said warmly.

"You know you could have talked to me about this before today," Kathy reminded her.

"I just didn't think … well, with Elliot …" Olivia stumbled.

"We have him in common and it does make it difficult at times, I won't deny that, but I think we can make this friendship work, don't you?" she asked.

"Yeah, I do…" she nodded, relieved to have a friend to be there for her.

For a few moments Olivia sat there quietly.

"How much does Elliot hate me right now?" she whispered.

"He doesn't hate you at all," Kathy reassured her. "He loves you very much."  
"But I've said some horrible things to him," Olivia sobbed.

"He's okay, concerned about you and probably a little afraid himself," Kathy admitted.

"Afraid of what?" she asked, turning to Kathy.

"Afraid you'll hurt him … physically," Kathy laughed. "I hit him while in labour a few times and caused no damage but you are trained in the art of combat and could do some damage. Why don't I go see where he is?"

"Yeah, thanks, Kathy, for everything," Olivia said, talking her hand. "I really appreciate it."

"Anytime."

/./

It was another four hours before the midwife placed a screaming newborn baby on Olivia's chest.

"Oh, my god," Olivia cried, tears racing down her cheeks. "She's just perfect … she's beautiful. Oh, god, Elliot … she's …she's …"  
"She's ours," he grinned, kissing both mother and daughter. "Love you so much, Livia."

"Love you too, El," she sighed, reaching up to kiss him. "Thank you for our little girl."

"Thank you," he echoed. "She's as gorgeous as her mommy."

"You're biased," she grinned, staring at the bundle in her arms. "I can't believe she's here and she's mine … well, ours." Elliot kissed her again, wiping away her tears.

He went to talk but the midwife interrupted them as she needed to talk to Olivia.

"I might just go out and tell the others," he whispered, kissing her forehead. "That okay with you?"

"Yeah," she grinned. "Tell them I love them."

Walking into the waiting room, Elliot was pounced upon by his children.

"Well?" Lizzie and Maureen said in unison.

"Did she have it?" asked Dickie over the top of them.

"What was it?" asked Kathleen as well.

"Hey, guys, give your dad a chance to talk," Kathy said, moving over to the little group.

"Olivia has had the baby, it's a girl!" he grinned broadly. "And she looks just like Liv."

"Whoo hoo, a baby sister – how cute!" exclaimed Lizzie.

"A sister? Dad, I thought we talked about this …" Dickie said with mock exasperation. While all along he had said he wanted a brother, the truth was he was glad he was the only son his father had and that theirs would remain a special bond.

Before the others could give their congratulations, Elliot was summoned back to the delivery suite by a nurse. "Mr Stabler, your wife is bleeding quite heavily and she's calling for you."

Elliot was back inside instantly.

"Liv, Olivia," he called, rushing to her side. Her face was paling, even as he watched. Staff were working on her, trying to control her haemorrhaging and keep her calm.

"El, I'm scared," she whispered as more drugs were administered.

"You'll be fine, baby," he whispered as she clasped his hand. "You'll be fine."

"Mr Stabler, I'll have to ask you to move …" the nurse began. He was about to protest but Olivia chose that moment to pass out and Elliot moved instantly so they could work on her.

For a long while he sat in the armchair in Olivia's room, his newborn daughter beside him. He had held her for the longest time, before settling her back in her crib. His elder children had been in and out to see him and their newest sibling, but in the end Elliot told them to give him some time out, with Olivia still in surgery and it being two in the morning, he was simply exhausted; soon after he fell asleep, slumped awkwardly in the chair.

"Mr Stabler," said Dr Winchester, coming into the room. Elliot was on his feet.

"How is she?" he asked, glancing quickly to his daughter.

"Your wife suffered significant bleeding and we took all appropriate measures. Unfortunately, the blood loss was too much and she went into cardiac failure. I'm so sorry but she didn't make it."

They were words, simple words people used everyday. He knew what each of them meant but trailed together and in reference to his wife, he couldn't comprehend them.

"Mr Stabler," the doctor said, taking his arm and guiding him to the chair. "Is there anyone I can call?"

Elliot looked into the crib before picking up the sleeping infant; he cradled her tightly in his arms as his tears splashed onto her face. This couldn't be happening; there was no way he could be holding her daughter and not her. Not after everything they had been through. Not after everything she'd been through. Finally something beautiful had happened for her and she was gone, not able to enjoy it. Where was the justice in that? What kind of God would allow that?

His tears continued to cascade as sobs wracked his body. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. This was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives not the worst.

Elliot sat there and cried and cried, his heart breaking for the tragedy that was this moment. He cried for his own loss and for the baby in his arms, who would never know the love of her mother, a mother who loved her dearly.

"Elliot, El, honey," came a voice through his haze of grief. He could hear it but he couldn't respond. "Elliot, baby…" Elliot finally forced himself to open his eyes and look up to the voice. "Baby, what's wrong?" Olivia was trying to climb out of the bed to get to him.

"Livia, Olivia," he cried. Realising his arms were empty and the baby was still sleeping in the crib, he jumped up from the chair and practically launched himself towards the bed. "Livia," he sobbed, wrapping her in a tight embrace until she groaned in pain. "God, I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

"No, baby, I'm okay. What's wrong?" she asked, her hands framing his face.

"Bad dream," he croaked, "Very bad dream."

"Wanna share?" she asked, pulling him back to the bed with her.

"No," he replied quickly. "I'm just so glad you're okay, that you're here," he added, smothering her head in kisses. "I love you so much, Liv."

"Love you too, El. I'm fine, sore but fine. They controlled the bleeding without surgery so it's all good," she said, stroking his head, she'd never seen him look so scared in her life.

"It's all good," he echoed, kissing her again.

"Yeah, it is, baby."

For a long while, Elliot was content to just hold her, to enjoy these moments just in case this was the dream and the reality was the nightmare. He inhaled deeply, taking in her shampoo the one with jasmine which he loved. He let his hand dance on her skin, enjoying the soft, silky touch beneath his fingertips. And Olivia let him, as tired and sore as she was she knew he needed this more than she needed to rest. She had a pretty good idea what had happened in his dream and knew had situations been reversed, she would want nothing more than to crawl into his lap and never let him go.

It was the gurgling of their roommate that drew the attention away from themselves and to their newest addition.

"Can you bring her to me, El, please?" Olivia asked, desperate to see her daughter once more. Soon she had the tiny pink bundle in her arms.

Elliot sat up beside them and wrapped one arm around his wife, the other settled on his baby's stomach.

"She's incredible, Liv," he whispered, kissing her temple.

"Just like her daddy," Olivia grinned, leaning into him.

"Just like her mommy," he corrected, kissing her again.

"So, what are we going to call her?" she asked, caressing the baby's cheek. "None of the names on that list suit her."

"I was thinking that myself, babe," he whispered. "Want me to bring the books in tomorrow, we can try again."

"Sounds like a good idea."

The following day, Elliot arrived at the hospital armed with three baby name books, a huge pink teddy bear for his daughter and a bouquet of roses for his wife; twelve red ones, one for each year they had been partners, work and otherwise, and one pink one in the centre for their daughter.

Slowly he opened Olivia's room door, not wanting to disturb her if she was sleeping. She wasn't but he still didn't want to disturb. He stood silently with the door partially ajar as Olivia sat cradling her daughter as Lizzie and Dickie sat on the bed crowding them. The littlest Stabler gurgled happily and the other three watched the newest addition with such awe, their faces reflecting a happiness and an innocence Elliot had thought was lost forever. He had to steady himself as the emotion of the moment threatened to overwhelm him.

"Hi, daddy," cooed Olivia as she spied him at the door.

"Hi, guys," he croaked, coughing to dislodge the lump in his throat. "Hi, Liv," he said, leaning across to kiss her. Lizzie took the teddy as he kissed her.

"Hey, dad, this is so cute," she gushed, squeezing it tightly.

"Hey, dad," said Dickie, taking the books from him.

"These are for you, baby," he said, showing Olivia the flowers.

"Thank you, El, they're beautiful," she smiled gazing lovingly at him.

"So, names," Lizzie said, interrupting the moment. "Picked one yet?"

"No," sighed Olivia. "Didn't think she looked like a Sarah or Rachel."

"Or Amanda or Bianca or Caitlin or Donna or …" Elliot continued to recite the alphabetised list they'd created over many nights of pondering and debating.

"Well, what about Grace, it's Irish and means love?" asked Dickie, taking another peek at his youngest sister, then checking in the book once more.

Olivia and Elliot looked at each other before peering down at the baby in question.

"Perfect!" they exclaimed.

"Grace Elizabeth Stabler," Lizzie announced, leaning down to kiss her sister.

"Elizabeth?" Dickie and Elliot asked in unison.

"What's wrong with naming her after me?" she asked, looking from her brother to her father. "After all, it was me who told Olivia you loved her … if we'd have waited for you to do it, I'd have been a grandma," she sighed.

Olivia laughed, the girl had a point, and a good one at that, and she and Elliot both knew that if their youngest daughter turned out as well as the one currently sitting on the bed, then she would indeed have a fortunate life.

"Grace Elizabeth it is," Olivia smiled.

"Yes!" exclaimed Lizzie, wrapping her arms around mother and daughter. "Love you Grace Elizabeth," she whispered, kissing the baby's head. "Love you too, mom," she added, kissing Olivia's cheek. "I can call you mom, can't I?" she asked quickly. "I asked mom and she said it was okay … so is it? I mean I don't have to … I just thought that …"

"It's more than okay with me," Olivia replied, reaching out to Lizzie.

With ease, Olivia wrapped Lizzie in one arm and held her tightly as Grace cooed and gurgled in her other arm. "Love you, Lizzie."

Elliot stood beside Dickie and wrapped his arms around his only son.

"You're not going to get all mushy, are you, dad?" Dickie asked, noting the tears building in his father's eyes.

"Nah, would I do something like that?" he asked, squeezing him tightly.

"No, you wouldn't," he answered, wrapping his arm around Elliot's waist. "Love you dad," he added quietly, so the girls wouldn't hear.

"Love you too, son," he whispered, holding him a little tighter.

Olivia could only smile, this was the life she always wanted but had never thought possible. Gazing down at her baby she never knew such contentment, such joy. Grace smiled back at her mother, her face radiating innocence, something her parents would move heaven and earth to ensure stayed in place for the rest of her life.

**xoxoinnocenceoxox **

**I truly appreciate the support this story has enjoyed. I'm grateful for those encouraged me to write beyond my original ending and to take this family further on their journey of healing. **

**To all those who have sent thoughts, prayers and messages of support in recent times, they are sincerely appreciated.**

**Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yours.**

**Thank you and Goodbye.**


End file.
